[forthetrees]

Certainly makes me wonder- but only time will tell.

[calamity]

Thundarr's doctor colleague mentioned this FTD--last year I think.  Scary.  But yes only time will tell.  A close friend who works with old people has remarked on my h's behaviour--specifically his utter self-centredness--& said it reminded him of dementia patients.

[Anjae]

It does remind of dementia, or a personality disorder, or bipolar but real MLC does not seem to be any of those things.

If it was, how would it be possible for the MLCer to return to his former self once the crisis is over?

My mum suffers from dementia, she is never going to go back to her former self. My cousin who had MLC went back to his former self. He still has some MLC quirks but nothing like during the crisis.

That does not happen with dementia. So far, it only tends to get worse. In the future it may be possible to mitigate better (there are little things than can be done) or even reverse it, but for now not much can be done.

[trusting]

The first 6 months after Liminal Depression were hell.

Why?

[Braveheart]

Well, those who got their spouses back, or who have contact with previous MLCers, say they return pretty much to what they were. They will never be the same again but many seem to become relatively similar to what they used to be. However I think it takes time for them to readjust. I'm not certain how the adjustment it done.

I keep hearing this about returning spouses, but they appear to be anecdotal cases of "I know a guy related to my second cousin who....." because I don't see much real evidence on this forum or any other of it happening.  Any husband whose wife has even gone through menopause without serious issues will tell you they seldom return to the way they were before.

If anyone wants to wait seven years on the slim chance their spouse might come back and then spend another couple of years dealing with remaining issues, be my guest. I feel though that to suggest there is anything more than this very slim chance of a happy return is giving new members of the forum false hope, putting their lives on hold when they should rebuilding new lives.

[Dontgiveup]

I keep hearing this about returning spouses, but they appear to be anecdotal cases of "I know a guy related to my second cousin who....." because I don't see much real evidence on this forum or any other of it happening.

I can personally introduce you to one.  It's even a female MLCer who has returned.  The LBS is a long time friend and I walked this walk with him from bomb drop to her return 4 months ago.  It can and does happen.

Yes, they have a long way to go.  But I'd recommend caution thinking starting with someone new might be better.  Check out RCR's blog called Love: Foundation and Seeds if you are interested in seeing what it says.

[Braveheart]

I keep hearing this about returning spouses, but they appear to be anecdotal cases of "I know a guy related to my second cousin who....." because I don't see much real evidence on this forum or any other of it happening.

I can personally introduce you to one.  It's even a female MLCer who has returned.  The LBS is a long time friend and I walked this walk with him from bomb drop to her return 4 months ago.  It can and does happen.

Yes, they have a long way to go.  But I'd recommend caution thinking starting with someone new might be better.  Check out RCR's blog called Love: Foundation and Seeds if you are interested in seeing what it says.

It's not impossible, but one example or even 50 on a site with thousands of posts is hardly proof that anything but a very small number of spouses will return. I really have to question the idea that waiting around for more than a couple of years is mentally healthy, it suggests wallowing in denial, especially if the other spouse has remarried or has had multiple partners after BD.

[calamity]

Braveheart, so what are you doing here still?  I'm not trying to question your right to be here & you are welcome BUT why go into this 'we are giving newbies false hope'?  Again?  If we are in denial reality will come to us in a timely manner.  Unhealthy?  Healing is an individual process.  Who's to say how or when this should take place.  Many lbs's on the site have been here years & I don't think any of them are 'unhealthy'--quite the opposite in fact.

That being said.  I do believe there is hope for reconciliation--that's what this site is all about & there are plenty of other sites for divorce support.  As long as you don't live on hope, who is that hurting?

[Anjae]

The first 6 months after Liminal Depression were hell.

Why?

Because he was manic. He wanted to catch up on the lost time and do everything t once. He also was spending like there was no tomorrow (just like Replayers do, my cousin was a wallower except regarding work).

He wanted to have children, choose a date to got married, brought a big family car (that is now nearly always in the garage), brought new smart phone, big expensive lens to his camera, went to a shop and come out with dozens of handbags (for his girlfriend, my aunt – his mother –, and me), would buy lots and lots of stuff.

He also have two severe peaks of very high, followed by very low and during the worst one of we had to took him to the psychiatric emergency of the general hospital.

My cousin was followed by a psychiatrist, who is a friend of mine, until May 2012 (he start going to my friend mid June 2011, when he hit rock bottom). From then on the psychiatrist was consulted only on an informal basis. 

I keep hearing this about returning spouses, but they appear to be anecdotal cases of "I know a guy related to my second cousin who....." because I don't see much real evidence on this forum or any other of it happening.  Any husband whose wife has even gone through menopause without serious issues will tell you they seldom return to the way they were before.

If anyone wants to wait seven years on the slim chance their spouse might come back and then spend another couple of years dealing with remaining issues, be my guest. I feel though that to suggest there is anything more than this very slim chance of a happy return is giving new members of the forum false hope, putting their lives on hold when they should rebuilding new lives.

I can assure you my cousin is real. So are a few male friends and acquaintances of mine who've had MLC. However, the wives of my friends and acquaintances did not wait (they did not had a clue it was MLC nor did I at the time), moved on with their lives. When the husband's waked up, and one of them had married OW and had children with her, they wanted back. The wives had remarried or moved on and were not interested.
The guys went back to be pretty much what they were and regret what happened.

Of course many women who go through menopause will not be like they were before. Some will, some will not. Nowadays there are several ways of mitigating the effects of menopause. Also, everyone is aware it exists and provokes hormonal and other changes.

No, I will not be your guest. If you know my story you know I want to divorce, and have wanted to, for years but my husband drags the divorce and the court cases. I live in Portugal, the law here is not like in the US. You will also know that I want to remarry. 

You're free to go and rebuild a new life. To my knowledge everyone in this board is free to do so. 

DGU, starting with someone new is a little different is you're right after BD, a couple of years after it or nearly 7 years after it. Nearly 7 years after it I can tell you I have no wish of spending any more time dealing with Mr J MLC nor will wait for the time it will take him to get to the end of his crisis. The man is still in Replay after all these years… 

Now, if he could magically be back to his old self, improved version, tomorrow, maybe… otherwise, no, I don't think I'm interested.

[forthetrees]

I see both sides. I think we underestimate the negative health effect on the LBS. This too is worthy of investigating. This stress really does a number, a chronic one, on the body. If we polled all the health issues that come up in the two year post BD period, we´d be shocked. At some point there is the question, "At what price?" Hope, there is always hope. If my h hadn´t gone over the edge so far, who knows, maybe I´d still be pining. Standing for ourselves is enough to remain on the site. Also, I think for valid data, RCR needs to see all of the outcomes. And, these people have become part of our lives. Remember, we´re the loyal ones who make deep connections:)