[StillStanding]

So after feeling down after yesterday's conversation with my wife, I was on the bus heading in to work today.

The woman who sat down next to me kept her phone in her pocket but when we got to our (mutual stop) and we both got up to go, I saw a sticker on her phone case that simply said:

"It Isn't About You."

If that's not a message from God, or the universe, what is? 

[StillStanding]

A metaphor for so many things that go wrong with marriages:

https://twitter.com/SwiftOnSecurity/status/627173467247390720

My dad had a little sailboat that he'd take my mom out on when they were dating. She loved it.
When they got engaged he sold it.
 

I beleive Michele Weiner-Davis refers to "Doing what works" when it comes to restoring your marriage:

http://divorcebusting.com/a_why_change.htm

[StillStanding]

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

How not to say the wrong thing
It works in all kinds of crises -- medical, legal, even existential. It's the 'Ring Theory' of kvetching. The first rule is comfort in, dump out.

[...]

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie's aneurysm, that's Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie's aneurysm, that was Katie's husband, Pat. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order. One of Susan's patients found it useful to tape it to her refrigerator.

Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you're going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn't, don't say it. Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice. They need comfort and support. So say, "I'm sorry" or "This must really be hard for you" or "Can I bring you a pot roast?" Don't say, "You should hear what happened to me" or "Here's what I would do if I were you." And don't say, "This is really bringing me down."

If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that's fine. It's a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.

[calamity]

That's brilliant.

[Anjae]

Brilliant indeed.

But I think it does not work with a MLCer. Fair enough, we could say I'm sorry (that you feel that way), but even that becomes old and does nothing to help them.

"Can I bring you a pot roast?" would be a little too much, me thinks. 

Now, for the LBS all those and many more are valid.

[StillStanding]

From http://wearethatfamily.com/2013/11/how-to-stay-married-in-america/

[Divided V. Stand]

Almost missed this thread. Attaching.

[StillStanding]

I don't get super-emotional when I listen to music, but this song almost made me cry.

It's from the musical "Hamilton"; all you need to know at this point is, Alexander Hamilton's infidelity has been exposed; his wife kicked him out; and their son was killed in a duel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrsmUzqweBI

[StillStanding]

"Wings" by HAERTS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yk52XHSpmF4

I will never let you go
I know you want it, I know you want it.
Learning love means not to know.
I'll learn to take it, learn to take it love.

I will never leave your fears
I know you're lost now, know you're lost now.
Counting days won't buy us years
We'll start it over, start it over love

I'll never let the magic go, I'll float away into your afterglow
I'll never let you go, I'll melt away into your afterglow.

The sky will melt in tears
I'll float away into your afterglow
The sky will melt in tears
I'll melt away into your afterglow

People never smile to say goodbye.
Leaving means there's nothing left to try.
But I broke my wings for you.
I smiled as you untied our love for good.

The sky will melt in tears
I'll float away into your afterglow
The sky will melt in tears
I'll melt away into your afterglow

[StillStanding]

This was in one of those chain emails that goes around. It was forwarded to me by my mother-in-law; if she only knew!