Authentic material from MLC'er blog

[Albatross]

PREFACE

PURPOSE
- With permission of site owner RCR I am opening this tread where I will put interesting key materials from my wife blog. It is unique MLC'er point of view. There all of us can see how she slowly during the time going trough MLC'er map. And how she feel and react on outer world during the time. I have to translate one by one her's key posts from blog. So will took a while and I will post probably daily key posts from her blog and made my impression about post. Hopefully we all will learn something from that. I consider that material valuable for community, so I like to share that with all of You. Any of Yours comments, impressions are welcome.

BOOK
- She wrote short autobiographic book at beginning of year 2007. There she wrote a lot short stories from her childhood and teenage periods of life. also she made one short story for each significant friend in her life. She ask self why she wrote it in the first place. "I feel like I will die..." It was answer. Also she start to wrote blog in the same year. In that time I did not take anything serious about that. Now I know why she did that.

[Albatross]

"Saturday, March 10, 2007
Eternity...
Today I'll start with the good old poem from CESARIĆ ...

In the sea of ​​life
What eternal boiling
What eternally evaporates
They are born again
They meet again
Perhaps the same drops
And when you pass through stellar eternity,
An eternity alone
You may be again in a kiss
Again the same mouth.

(This was out of my head, and mr. CESARIĆA apologize if I had not pronounced correctly.)

This is an astonishing verse that I often long ago, comes to mind. I think that nothing in this world is not by accident. Each of us finds a particular moment in a particular place, for some reason. If you sometimes seems that some people have walked through your life without having left their mark, and that the meeting had any sense, then you're well on your way to thinking egotistical. Maybe this meeting was meaningful to them and maybe you're the one who has met some preordained role. Sometimes it's hard to understand why we have someone interesting, and he is not us.

Some people do not notice at all, but once again find yourself with them by chance, you are drawn into the life, and then you realize that that time (before it was gone forever stellar path) while they have not noticed, carries some meaning.

Some people firmly hold to themselves and think that nothing can change, and then they still lose by. But that's your loss needed to learn to appreciate those people who do.

Some people bring joy to their arrival, others by their departure. It is essential that all bring joy (the latter is the base, but it is true).

Some people and terribly annoying because you do not know which is the capital of Hungary. Conversely tolerate quite nice, although the only advantage.

Some people have a life here beside you and your every cue jump, and you're taking it as if it were perfectly normal and unimportant, not realizing how much they mean to me.

Some people, however, appear suddenly, and the next day you feel you are always there.

Some people do your best because you love so the brain says, but you fail, because he loves the heart.

Some people love me, and you have no reason, because the heart has no idea what the logic.

Eventually You cool down a little and sharing those people who themselves have enough goodness that they are worthy to communicate with them joy and sharing this beautiful planet, and those others who are not. The latter move away, but still sharing with them this beautiful planet. At least I'm doing so.

Finally, I would say that now quite mature thinking. And it might be wrong because I thought the same thing when I was 16 From this I can only conclude that all of this is that now I can be more finely processed in the years ahead of me. And you can imagine over your thoughts. You must now smarter and richer for a new or adapted thought than yesterday. Because if not, ask yourself how you lived yesterday in which you have spent. If you find at least something, and yesterday encourage you to be a better person today, then do not stop there. View visionary in tomorrow and see yourself even smarter and richer every next day.

But if not to try and think this is now your peak, unfortunately, then you would be just the way downhill.

Anyway, every great and long journey begins with one step only, so we build piece by piece. And I turn around and look at all of your great stupidity in my life, I can not forgive you because I was a younger and poorer days for a bunch of tiny bits of experience, wisdom, grains, unfinished thoughts ..."

[Albatross]

She back to inner self and start to investigate inner self. It is start of MLC.

Poem as is point on how life pass fast. And questioning about reunion.

How life depend of pure coincidence. So, her life could be totally different in case that she meet in key points some other people ?

"Finally, I would say that now quite mature thinking. And it might be wrong because I thought the same thing when I was 16."

Contradiction.

She admit that she did not change since she was 16 years old ! Which is one of key points for have MLC !

Also there I can see how she question her social strategy of relationship with people.

"But if not to try and think this is now your peak, unfortunately, then you would be just the way downhill."

She actually think that she is at peek. Because she really did not change at all since we meet. And she wont change. She want to live forever ? So, because she refuse to change nothing else can be in the future then downhill as she said...

[Ready2Transform]

My husband blogged quite a bit from right before his MLC started and a ways into it.  He even started a second blog in the the thick of it, but it only lasted for two updates before he deleted it. 

It's a window in, yes - but, like with any journal, it's more representative of that moment in time.  I think it might be dangerous to get into a state of analysis paralysis where you hyper-focus on it.  It also makes me feel a little like we're invading her privacy by reading it like this.

Do you think she may ever google search for any of her writing?  If so, if it's pasted here, this site may come up.  If you want to maintain your anonymity from her, you might keep that in mind. 

[Albatross]

My husband blogged quite a bit from right before his MLC started and a ways into it.  He even started a second blog in the the thick of it, but it only lasted for two updates before he deleted it. 

It's a window in, yes - but, like with any journal, it's more representative of that moment in time.  I think it might be dangerous to get into a state of analysis paralysis where you hyper-focus on it.  It also makes me feel a little like we're invading her privacy by reading it like this.

Do you think she may ever google search for any of her writing?  If so, if it's pasted here, this site may come up.  If you want to maintain your anonymity from her, you might keep that in mind.

Her blog is on foreign language. So, everything will be lost in translation. Also, blog is on public. I am good, detached, improve a lot my self. I am watching her crumble since year 2007. so, yes I am obsessed with stage where she is because I am waiting to much 6 and half of years :O It is because of me, not her.

[xyzcf]

Hi and welcome. Any insight into the MLCer's brain helps us to understand better so thank you for sharing. I am at the 4 year mark since BD.

[Albatross]

"Sunday, March 25, 2007
Why am I here?
She told me a few days ago girlfriend of mine: "Who will read this?"

I always have something to say and a lot of talking. And, unfortunately, and often unnecessary make philosophy from what I shouldn't. That's all I think its shortcomings, because let's face it, no matter who cares what I have to say. And when I read other people's blogs I'm looking for something which I wanna to write down, but that is not currently in my schedule. And, besides, there are people who know how to tell a different, even better way then myself.

Then this came as a channel to drain excess "rainfall" and thereby reduce the amount of my thoughts which use my mind in circulation (decreasing inflation in some way). Pressure falls, the people around me breathe a little easier, and I can solve the frustration and yet everything I say. There! That's why I'm here.

But you know what??? The tactic I use not really help. There is no better than direct firing of the head. Whit good old dialogue. So I went now to find VICTIM who have to listen to me ... "

She obviously build up inner exploration and instead changing self she vent out what bother her, so she use blog for that. Rejection and refusal. That victim at end is me.

[Albatross]

"Sunday, April 1, 2007
Closet
In my closet is a creative mess, and time never schedule so that we save the closet is in a regular schedule. (In fact, neither of which I do not have a regular schedule) Well, it so happens
... the winter cloth all summer mixes with summer,
... the old coats that surely I will never wear, push the shirts,
... you just can not give up those dresses that I got for 14 birthday
...

And then I start to cleaning, open the door and throw everything on the floor. I begin by painstaking sorting, stacking, inspecting, assessing. The vast majority of things with ease arrange on the appropriate shelves. But it remains a minority that still do not know what to do. Some piece of winter merchandise sorry extracted from the summer because we are somehow not fit with either the winter or the summer. Old coat should I throw, but I was still warm when it is received in the hand and onto your face. She dresses me be long but forgotten frames and I am afraid that I will be forever erased from memory as soon as you throw it.

Sit on the floor overlooking glued to a coat hanger and nothing can not fathom. Everything seems already seen and experienced, and time passes. I should close the door of the closet and move on. There's more responsibilities ... But can decide. A small pile of "nonaligned" sad lying on the floor.

A moment later, I take the whole pile and I put it on the bottom of the closet. OK! Everything is back in place. I close the door! Something a bit stalled, but I got used to it. Application of force, all very Push in and slam the door quickly.

You know, it is still in my closet creative mess.

As well as the soul."

Comparison of her inner self with mess in closet. Also there is old stuff in closet which she wont threw away. So, like in her soul, no changes, no actions to solve inner issues.

[Albatross]

"Friday, April 27, 2007
paradox
Why we all aspire light, sun, happiness, height, breadth, flight, mountains, sunflower, birdies, sea, sailing, wind and clouds?

I read and watch.

Why? When are the warmest, most moving, most glorious stories written by pen of grief from the bottom of the darkness, in solitude and, looking ahead. They were written by souls who do not read and do not watch anymore."

What is life ? No more joy in light, sun and so on... glorious things are in our self, pain, grief, darkness, solitude... Writers which already wrote that, and they are dead. At least something they left to us, make mark after death.

She questioning life, mortality, no more happiness in her life, only grief and incoming death...

[Albatross]

"Sunday, May 27, 2007
Male - female friendship
    So many times I've rambled on this issue with many people. It seems that everyone is really very interesting.

    I have my girlfriends and each is in a period of shes life was a problem. People get a little time away, and again find themselves. Some of the things you tell them and sharing with them, and some keep to themselves. Why? I do not know, sometimes I talk about something difficult, something bothers me sometimes, but I know the solution, so I do not need nobody. Anyway they consider as girlfriends. There are periods when a particular, I call every day, and then pass a few months that we do not hear. Sometimes it just gets on my nerves, and I like her anyway. With some people I have not talked in some periods, so we continued friendship. With some of them I just was just a good girlfriend, and I'm not.

    I do not go to find someone smart to tell me that it is not my good girlfriend. Nobody has the right to give them away this title and belittles their position. For me it is holy "function" and to keep friendship more than anything. Even those that we are no longer friends, I would help in any trouble. Not our fault that we live as the wind carries the fallen leaves in autumn.

    So that is about girlfriends.

But the same goes for friends with one add on.
Man I can be a friends, even if I have some sexual attraction towards him.
Man I can be a friends, even if he have some sexual attraction towards me.
Man I can be a friends, even if both sides have a mutual sexual attraction.
The question is realization.
Maybe it never happens.
Maybe it happens, and stop to happening.
Maybe it happens, and continue to happen ...
And what does this have to do with what my friend ? Because a friend is the one to who you listen to, who he listen to me, who loves you in spite of what you are, who is there when you need him, who can go to another galaxy, and still will be in my thoughts constantly ...

    My best friend is my husband, so it does not matter if we have sex... I'm not with him all these years because it works well and has "laaarge" (she implying big, you know what)  ... account at the bank, but because with him after all these years, we have a lot in common to talk about, because it is with me and I know that it is eternal and holy "function." And a friend of mine because I just said that that he will pay my blog quitting, and he did not take the laptop and smashed it against the wall. ))"

Yea, I am the one. Her best friend and husband. Eternal one...