[Magnite38]

New question...

My h has started the separation process.  I need advice on what I should be doing, what I need to be taking into consideration, any helpful advice from Anyone having  gone through this.  Back ground... BD 7 months ago, we own our own company, I am a SAHM, we have 3 young kids my h is a monster right now and wants to destroy me, I am sure.  Never having handled our finances I am a bit lost.

I have asked a few questions on my thread if someone could check them out.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3716.0;all

Answered on thread.

[Princess Grace]

what is paving the way ? is there an article on this ?

[kikki]

Question --- Depression.

My W44 is now showing signs of entering the depression tunnel (been 6 months).

I understand part of the "reality" is that they perceive if they blow apart their world, that it will become different (escaping).

I've been very stong in supporting and getting my junk together.

Last night she gave indications that it would be a long time before she's out of the tunnel (said it).

WHEN she talks to me (about her being sad)... beyond being supportive and "poor baby.... "  any advice of what to say/do?

I have a hunch that I may be getting BD or distancing coming up... she's entering the tunnel.

Until now she's been very upbeat.

Your wife doesn't sound as though she is a high energy replayer 1994, so I would personally say once and only once that she could talk to her doctor about it.  MLCers are notorious for not wanting help, but in your case I do think I would suggest it (but as I said, only the once, and then zip it on the subject).

Validation of how she is feeling is another thing you could do.
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_balancing-love_validation.html

[kikki]

Quick question;

If depression in men is sometimes expressed as anger, and H has cycled back into an enormous amount of anger (but not monstering at me, just dim/dark contact) could this mean he is showing movement? He has gone from clinging to wallowing and he thinks the whole world is against him right now.

Angry Eeyore!

Hi Slow Fade
Yes, this is movement.
Movement doesn't necessarily always seem positive, but it is necessary and important in the big picture, either way. 

Depression pervades the whole of the crisis.  Sometimes covert (hidden by addictions and replay behaviours), sometime overt (more obvious).   

[kikki]

what is paving the way ? is there an article on this ?

Don't think there is a specific article about paving the way - it's more about an attitude towards your MLCer.  I would read all of the mirror - work articles, plus the standing action articles to get a feel for this. 

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html

[1994]

what is paving the way ? is there an article on this ?

I found a few at the rejoice ministries site..... I do not have a link

It had things like

• Do not change anything in the house
  Leave his/her closet vacant
  Pray with your children to fix both parents
  Do not say any thing negative to his/her family and friends
  Do not tell unnecessary people
  Read Ephesians 4:17-32
  Have an "ultimate" outfit ready
  Implement improvement plan for their valid complaints
  Forgive

Forget where it was - the article was useful....

The ultimate outfit has come in handy several times

Some would say its teaching codependency ..... Some would say welcoming

[OldPilot]

what is paving the way ? is there an article on this ?

Have your read this thread and all the links?

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6.0

[Slow Fade]

Hello everyone. Could I get some perspective on my thread? I feel like some developments are in the works and I'm not totally sure how I should handle it.......H seems to be spiraling down and need some advice. Thanks so much!


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3708.0

[1994]

what is paving the way ? is there an article on this ?

Don't think there is a specific article about paving the way - it's more about an attitude towards your MLCer.  I would read all of the mirror - work articles, plus the standing action articles to get a feel for this. 

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html

I remember reading one specifically about this.... Still thinking it was rejoice.... I remember organizing, cleaning and pressing a few outfits... They did come in handy

Also remember removing all clutter from her closet-- she did notice

[serenity]

Hi,

I have a new question and would appreciate any comments.

H and I have been apart 3 years. I'd say now we are definately in reconnection and OW is definately gone now. We've been seeing more and more of each other. He tells me he loves me and thinks of me all the time. He's also said he hates me though!!

He texts a lot as well and all seemed to be going in the right direction. He does blow hot and cold which I understand is normal at this stage and he's terribly depressed and tired. He makes future dates and plans for us but recently he's started saying that when his present lease runs out, he will probably move back to where he was before!

I feel confused and now wonder if I'm just a convenience and he has no intention reconcilling or of coming home.

Thoughts and advice would be most appreciated.

X