[Ready2Transform]

I would say to just continue to detach and give it more time.  He is not gone yet, nor has he made the movement toward the idea of coming home.  Since he is in love/hate with you still, it sounds like he is doing a lot of cycling, so these may just be ideas running through his head.  Protect yourself by not attaching meaning to any of his actions until he is concretely moving in one direction.  In hindsight you will know whether this is a touch and go or a closer attempt at reconnecting.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Serenity, my H is kind of in the same position. He has been gone for over 3 years, OW is out of the picture, finally, he and I text and talk all the time, he makes future plans for us, yet he is no where near ready to commit to our marriage again.   Sounds like your H needs more time to self reflect and work on himself.  Personally, I am continuing the work on me, but there for my H when he needs to talk. I sometimes, when my H is in a good mood, drop bits of info about our future. 

xo

[ShineOn]

NEW QUESTION

I'm needing help over on my thread. I know everyone is super busy and there are a lot of people on here to help so I really appreciate your time.

And it's not super urgent. My W is on OW2 and it's the woman she was with when we met. Good grief.
Need some insight.

Warning: I've written a lot. It's pretty long. I know that makes you want to rush over there and read it right away.
Thanks.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2942.0;all

[serenity]

Thank you Ready2 and ForeverHopefulOne.

I must admit I felt a bit hopeless and fed up with this whole thing. I'm so sick of hearing how sad and lonely he is. He has a wife and family that love him.

Thankyou for and sorry I'm just tired of all this like we all are.

X

[Songanddance]

Any chance for a quick look and words of wisdom on my thread. Had enough of H's lies and even though it's still early days am at stage of asking him to leave or at least accept that I want nothing to do with him. Am really fed up of his flaunting OW in my face while he lives at home.
Help - please.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3720.0;all

[BB64]

Hello!
I was wondering if anybody here had any experience with their MLC'er beginning to face their childhood issues?
It would appear that my MLC'er is doing so, that he has become a bit obsessed with it all right now. There is a bit more info on my thread.
I am feeling very sorry for him right now and not sure where I should stand with him. Should I be his friend? Should I back off completely?
What should I expect? More replay antics? More depression? Seeing as he still visits me, I would like to be prepared in terms of protecting myself and our children as well as knowing and understanding how this could affect my stand.
I understand I need to detach, but it is very hard to so when I love my MLC'er and I have began to forgive him for his all wrong doings towards me...

[Songanddance]

Me too. My H has childhood issues and demons which like BB64 he is beginning to face, so I would be interested too!

[panda]

BB64 - how do you know your H is beginning to face his issues already - has he discussed it with you?

[BB64]

He has said a few allusive things to me, yes.

''What I want you to do with the money I lent you for the business, is give it to the kids when they turn 18''

When I asked 'How come?''
He said, in a very bitter tone and fixated eyes:'' Because I had eff all when I had to start in life!!!!!!''

He also said, when we were talking about my son being a bit naughty:
''He has never had any reasons to rebel, we gave him a very good childhood. We had reasons to be bad you and I, we've had terrible childhoods''

He's been making contact with his long lost of 25 years sister, has asked to see his parents divorce papers and house deed (which half of it should be his when he father passes, but his father sold after the divorce without buying his kids out).
He hasn't seen his father since he was 3.

And after the speech he gave my son yesterday, I really have no doubt he is at least revisiting his childhood.
I know my MLC'er and I can feel it in my bones that something isn't right with him at the moment.
He is sinking

[Songanddance]

Curious as My H also started to make comments like this and yesterday picked up some very old taped recordings of his dad from a very old friend who knew his father well. They had been submerged in years and years of dust in this lady's attic. He arrived back home with several boxes and is very keen to get it all working so he can hear his Dad's voice again.

yes BB64 - he is sinking- isn't that what is supposed to happen? Or has H voiced very dark potentially suicidal thoughts like mine has. That is overt depression and at least mine acknowledged for the first time last night that he was severely depressed.
Watch and observe. Having one D and now my S with clinical depression I recognised the symptoms with H- all you can do is watch, observe and encourage positive attitudes such as "It's good that you are thinking of the children in that way - life for us was so much easier back then if you compare what we expected to what they expect now and I would hate to be a young adult in today's world trying to buy houses, cars etc...."
Or " yes S can be naughty from time to time but at least we're giving him chances to find himself in a safe environment" 
That way you are validating his feelings but not allowing him to wallow in self pity for too long. Good idea to write down what he says though and keep a log for later counselling or reflection.