[BB64]

Oh I did at the time validate. One thing him and I have always agreed on is that our children would not go through what we have and we always praise each other for our parental skills.
He'll say I have been a very good, loving, always present mother and I'll say he has been a good provider, has good authority and hands on when a problem arises.
We tell each other this much quite often. We make a good team as parents, that is for sure. Well, at least we did before BD anyway.

[BB64]

And, no, no talk of ending his life, but he has been very derogatory towards himself lately:

''I'm such an idiot''
''I'm so thick sometimes''
''This and that drags me down'

[panda]

booboo64 - looks like progress.......?

[i can and will cope]

i dont think i understand how to use these sometimes i asked a question but it hasnt gone in the ask a mentor 4?

i feel so silly   

[serenity]

How do I cope,

What was your question?

X

[i can and will cope]

hi serenity long statment and question found it and copied and pasted into here  thank you xx
h came "home" from ow on friday i felt very anxious as usual any hoo he was little funny then yesterday son went out which meant h and i in house on our own... i was sat in garden (nice weather in uk for a change ) he came though snd asked if iwanted him to show me how to use the lawn mower i just said no ( i feel he should do it but thats another thing)

anyway i went in room so he sat for a while then went into his room he then came through a little later and said i dont go in there or not sit with you in the garden because i have fallen out with you or because i ont want to it s out of embarrassment due to the circumstances becuase i dont know what to say   i think he is stRTING TO HAVE REGRETS ABOUT OW  but darent hope too much , have seen changes in him over last few months him being more helpful rather than monster and horrible but still no reply to solicitor after 9 weeks now sorry if was statement as weell as question just wondered what you might think am just feeling a bit down again today xxx

[serenity]

Hi again How do I cope,

Not sure on your timescale, but it does sound like your H has been doing some thinking if he's being more considerate. It may not mean he's ready to give up OW as yet though! Might be a bit of guilt on his part. Is he still helping around the house?

Is he still living at home? Sorry lots of questions - just trying to get a better picture of your situation.

X

[serenity]

PS Forgot to say, I live in UK as well. I'm in Buckinghamshire area.

X

[i can and will cope]

hi Serenity

thank you for your reply bd was Jan 2012 out the blue met ow on holiday my life turned upside down 22 years married together 25 no signs of snything wrong ..

sorry i havent posted full story yet suppose i should soon , he is still living at home which makes things so much harder.  he didnt help at first but over last few months things have chnaged . 

he goes away on his days off so works 4 off for 4 then comes back then once a month has ten days off so comes back , i feel if he wants to be with ow why doesnt he just go says his job ids here so why not move out ? weird weird situation .. i feel i am in groundhog day sometimes but he is also starting to have more eye contact now.

lastr year he had nearly two false r said he was going to get all his stuff and come back home but he couldnt leave ow how can they do this for someone they dont know people think you should just move on and forget everything bt i know this isnt my husbsnd  is still love him and believe he still loves me but just keep putting myself through hell is not so easy to detach as people say but i d try .

we lost his mum last year which was traumatic (ow wrote to his dad to say she wished she had gotten to know my mil how dare she ) i had funeral and wake at my house now his dad my fil has cancer and i feel so helpless h doesnt seem bothered and again this was not like him he told me yesterday he had not contacted his dad at all for his ten days off i said thats not good really is it and he agreed, its so confusing serenity i will read your story soon i live in north of england nice to talk to someone from uk :-)  bet weather is beautifl where you are this is like a freak heatwave here thanks again hope you are ok x

[serenity]

Hi How do I cope,

I have never posted my story either, so don't worry to much if you do not wish to. You can still get help and advice, as I do. I just fill bits in here and there.

My H been gone 3 years and I know for a fact that I could not have coped with him at home. I missed him terribly as he and my children were my life. But lately I feel better about things but obviously taken me a long time. You obviously have not been at this for so long. Your H is def in crisis and like everyone here will tell you, OW is just somewhere for him to hide at the moment, and mirrors the way your H is. He's the opposite of the man you've known and been married to. Please do not worry that it's love, it most certainly isn't and will run it's course. I know it's hard, but it really is best to just let them get on with it!

My H had OW 1 on and off over three year period and also OW2 and then went back to OW1. They are now both gone and we are reconnecting, but it's slow progress and not really how you would expect it to be.

I personally believe, that most MLC'ers come home, but you have to be prepared for it to take a very long time. That's not to say your situation will, of course.

As to the detachment thing, I've never managed to get fully detached, I've distance myself, but as he's mostly been a boomerang, I found it quite hard.

My advice would be to do as much as you can to fill your time with anything that appeals to you. Keep busy and occupied. You will just go through the motions at first, but at some point you will start to enjoy it.

I'd wait and see what your H does next and try not to have R talks with him. I'm sure others will give you good advice.

Take care,

X