[trusting]

I guess it could be classified as a "failed return."  My opinion though, and not everyone may agree, but that soon after BD I am not sure I would call it a "return."  They are full of confusion particularly at the beginning and at the end of the crisis, so he was probably still trying to decide at that point what he really wanted.  Then again, he did return so .... Not sure the label really matters.  He just wasn't ready to be home.

Not a helpful answer, I know. 

sort of managed to convince  him to try again even though he'd apparently 'tried' prior to BD ( I knew nothing about that of course!).

Oh, yes. My husband told me this too at BD.  I wasn't aware there was even a problem in our marriage and he told me our marriage was bad for years and he had "tried everything."  Since I wasn't a part of all that trying and certainly didn't know there were these huge problems, I am not sure how that could benefit our marriage.  MLC - swiss cheese brain.

[BB64]

Well, your thoughts are pretty much like mine ....may be, may not be, maybe, maybe not!
One thing is for sure, he was confused! He even said : 'We have to try, obviously I still have some feelings for you'', then could not recollect saying it and then absolutely, point blank denied it trying to make me think I was losing my marbles and that I must have imagined it!

Yes, about the trying before BD...I said to him: ''So basically what you are saying is that I never stood a chance?''
All I got as a reply was a shrug!

Hehehe, MLC swiss cheese brain

[27 years]

Oh, yes. My husband told me this too at BD.  I wasn't aware there was even a problem in our marriage and he told me our marriage was bad for years and he had "tried everything."  Since I wasn't a part of all that trying and certainly didn't know there were these huge problems, I am not sure how that could benefit our marriage.  MLC - swiss cheese brain.

Oh my, mine said basically same thing.  Seems everytime I question whether his could really be mlc I come across something like this to show me that he does show all classic signs of mlc.  Not that it makes me feel any better just makes me think he truly may be clueless.

[kikki]

booboo - at that point, so close to BD, maybe it was more of a failed exit than a failed return? 
They are a mass of confusion closest to the beginning and the ends of the tunnel. 

[Slow Fade]

[  I wasn't aware there was even a problem in our marriage and he told me our marriage was bad for years and he had "tried everything."  Since I wasn't a part of all that trying and certainly didn't know there were these huge problems, I am not sure how that could benefit our marriage.  MLC - swiss cheese brain.quote author=27 years link=topic=3658.msg220841#msg220841 date=1371861648]

Oh, yes. My husband told me this too at BD.  I wasn't aware there was even a problem in our marriage and he told me our marriage was bad for years and he had "tried everything."  Since I wasn't a part of all that trying and certainly didn't know there were these huge problems, I am not sure how that could benefit our marriage.  MLC - swiss cheese brain.

My husband said this to me at BD too. Very eerie how they follow the script.

[Slow Fade]

I just wanted to know if I'm reading things correctly;

Am I right to assume its way too early to expect my H to give any indication of wanting to return or to have any positive feelings for me? ( one year from BD)

He calls me at least once a day for very superficial chat and work advice, but never alludes to coming home. In fact without saying it outright he alludes to the fact that he's never coming back. I don't initiate contact, I don't talk about our R, I don't ask him about coming home and I don't offer comment on future plans. We just chat like acquaintances.

Am I right to think that this is "normal" (can MLC be normal?? ) for MLC at this point? Am I right not to panic that he's not mentioning it as its too early? Am I right to think that it could go either way?

I'm not asking for reassurance of a reconciliation, I just want to know if he's following the script. Trusting the process.

Thoughts?

[kikki]

SF - each MLCer is unique, even though they tend to follow a script of some description.

He is obviously a clinger with his daily contact. 
In the first year post BD - my H two or three times said 'who knows what will happen with us in the future kikki' (whatever that means - him wanting me as a safety net while he wanders off at his leisure) - and at around two years post BD he asked if he could come home (he had momentarily broken up with the OW) and I knew he was only asking out of security - I know he was hoping he and the OW would get back together. 

He hasn't mentioned any likelihood of any of these things since.
But my H is his own self with his own experiences during his crisis, and your H will be his own unique individual too.
Your H clearly wants you to be his safety net too - whether or not he verbalises it directly.  From what I have read - they kind of creep in sideways because they are so scared of being rejected by us. 

[trusting]

Slow Fade, MLCers also tend to cycle a lot the first couple of years after BD.  You probably have heard that they cycle most at the beginning and at the end when the confusion is the greatest and there is light at either end of the tunnel (but not so much in the darkest middle part of the tunnel).  It is MLC "normal" (whatever that is).  Mine cycled a LOT the first couple of years and is cycling again now more after not seeing much for a couple of years but has never indicated that he is thinking about or wanting to "return" (indeed, he has never left the basement).  And I would bet if he was asked he would say he has no plans on returning to our family.  It is so difficult because we tend to analyze everything, but just take it for what it is and be glad for pleasant contact.  He very much is following script. 

[Slow Fade]

Thank you Trusting and Kikki! I kind of figured as much. I do tend to analyze too much. I'm trying not to read too much into the positive OR negative interaction. I know I can't trust what he says and only 50% of what he does so when I get too excited or depressed I try to move back to neutral.

I really think that when he gets scared about interacting with me so much he has to throw out a comment about being "done" just in case I get the wrong impression! 

I just don't want to get too complacent and get my heart broken again. I'm trying to stay prepared for ow2, D or both. I don't want to let my guard down but I don't want to be suspicious of every comment or action either. Its a frustrating dance to be sure! 

[kikki]

I really think that when he gets scared about interacting with me so much he has to throw out a comment about being "done" just in case I get the wrong impression! 

That sounds about right
It sure is a very frustrating dance, and you sound like you are doing really well Slow Fade.  Keep it up