[BB64]

I think that for now the situation is as fixed as can be. Your son did well with his latest texts. I'm glad your son has cooled down, but I must say I admire him for his honesty.
That was very brave of him.
I don't see why we feel we have to protect our MLC'ers from the ugly truth all of the time.
They may be fragile but so are we and our kids are even more so. MLC'ers do not have the monopoly on selfishness and diplomatic immunity.
It is done now and tomorrow is another day. Space is indeed what is needed.

[1994]

Why don't these MLCers see what they are doing to their children??? I hate MLC so much!

"A child from 2 happy homes is better than a child from a single unhappy home" 


.....this may be my favorite script I've received.......

Answer:... "Um.. I've done the research.. multiple studies have proven that for depression, success, life span, economic vitality and relationship quality... that a child from a single loving home is better than either of the 2 options suggested (for all 3 involved parties)...   I'm committed to the best option"

[Songanddance]

Thank you for replying. After collapsing in floods of tears I phoned both my Ds 25 & 22 and told them. Different responses from them. Oldest hating her dad for it all, next one giving me calm sound advice and  offering to mediate between the two. She must have done something as H has just come home. Subdued and clearly hurt. I think he will leave but it must be his decision not forced upon him.
I agree BBC64 that my s is brave but it's how he harbours his anger that must be dealt with.
Maybe this is a good shock for H to have. It won't get him out of M L C but it will certainly sow seeds in his thinking and if nothing else make him realise he can't have it both ways so his desire to be happy is further thwarted.
Thanks all your words give me great comfort. I think I can sleep now.

[panda]

New question.

This is with regards to Paving the Way.

I read on a post last week (I think) about making sure you do this BEFORE the MLCer is too deep in the tunnel so they remember you.

My question is, at what point should this be done, and how do you know?

[1994]

If you sincerely and 100% mean it.... Starts at day 1.... Forgiveness

Then it's confronting and working through your valid inner demons

Then it's slowly removing your barriers

In short becoming their best spouse option

[panda]

Thanks 1994, but how do you know if its gone past the point that they remember? ie, too deep in tunnel?  Is there a way to tell?

[OldPilot]

Thanks 1994, but how do you know if its gone past the point that they remember? ie, too deep in tunnel?  Is there a way to tell?

I would say trust your intuition, you know your MLC'er better than anyone.
When the depression is very deep, there wont be much that will matter.

[panda]

OldPIlot,

Just picking up on what you said then, so paving the way in REPLAY is ok? - because once out of this, into Liminality I presume, is when they are too far in?  Have I got this right?

Thanks

[OldPilot]

OldPIlot,

Just picking up on what you said then, so paving the way in REPLAY is ok? - because once out of this, into Liminality I presume, is when they are too far in?  Have I got this right?

Thanks

By the question I am not sure you still understand the stages or REPLAY.
Depression is present throughout the entire process and they can bounce around  between stages.
Stages do not always go 1,2,3,4,5,6
It took me quite a long time to understand this.
Thats why stage watching is a bad idea.

Replay lasts forever in so many cases and as long as the other person is present, or the fantasy of the other person is present they are still in REPLAY.
RCR just wrote a blog post about the length of the crisis that might be helpful to read.

My point is that during REPLAY or escape and avoid sometimes you might PAVE the way and most of the time you should probably just be silent.

It is possible for the other person to be gone and them still remain in REPLAY.

[BB64]

Well, that also answers the question I asked on my thread...

I am getting a bit sick of this MLC. I think I might just go and have one of my own-avoid being accountable for anything, torment people, confuse everyone whilst having a good time, and get away with it, using MLC as an excuse and sticking to it grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr