[eloise61213]

According to HIM, it started, physical affair, like 6 months ago. I doubt it. I think he started it a year ago.

I guess I can consider myself to be rather calm during this whole ordeal. My darkest days are beyond me. Of course I still think about it and cry and feel sad but I guess as long as he is willing to pay ALL my bills i will give him some time and space.  Although, I am filing for legal spousal support and maintenance. Can't trust those MLCers.

[Howmanytimes]

Mine lied about the length of the affair when I first found out said it was three years.  I became a detective and went into his google history and he had searched the place she works and that was thee years previously.  He said year it was three years.  Well being an idiot I rang the floozy up and she said six years.  He then confirmed that was correct.

I know about the crying too.  It's like one minute you think you are strong and then thr next your howling

Take care.

[ALL I WANNA BE IS DONE]

Exposure does take some of the "fun" out of it for them. They are like teenagers trying to get away with something.

 After I found out he divorced me in two months. and moved her in two weeks after the divorce was final. Then moved her out 4 months later. The kids and I moved back in and then he kicked me out. Then assaulted me after I came back to get some of my things. There is no way back for him.

There is NO WAY to get passed the infidelity and onto solid ground UNLESS the issues that lead to the affair are discussed.

My heart goes out to those of you who have just been devastated by this tragic turn of events. BUT you must THINK passed what you want to do and think what COULD happen BEFORE you do it.

 KEEP YOUR DIGNITY.

[Slow Fade]

I have not "outed" my H's affair. A few people know, but not his family. I have a file at work with timelines, phone records, texts, emails and pictures just in case. He never flaunted her obviously, but a few people saw them together and phone records show he was actually texting her while we were at church together. She has since dumped him and unfriended him on FB but I don't know why. I don't think he has replaced her yet.

I'm hoping that if he comes out of the tunnel in a year or so, the fact that I didn't shout from the rooftops about his infidelity will work in our favor when and if we r.

The minute he files for D however, the gloves come off and everything becomes public......I will name adultery as a response to his filing for D.

[Stillpraying]

my exH definitely fits the emotionally retarded description which is also in line with SIL's comments that their mother is emotionally immature.  I sent an email to her thanking her for all she had done for me since H left but that I would find it difficult to continue seeing her if she was now entertaining OW2 along with H.  So she then tells SIL she is not to see me anymore and just cuts me out of everything in anger.  Any wonder where exH learnt his coping skills from?
he left his first wife after 10 years and then me after 10.  He cheated on OW1 to be with OW2 and they have been together a year now.  Not sure when the wedding will be

[Thundarr]

In my case I think that not busting XW out actually played to my advantage when we were mediating the D.  There had been a few sticking points in the months leading up to our mediation and making the Separation Agreement, and I casually let XW know that my L had told me to expect having to go before the judge and I simply said that I had a "list of people I was going to subpoena if I had to" and named lawyer boy and his W in the middle of the list.  I played it cool as if lawyer boy was simply someone in the crowd but I could tell that XW looked like a deer in headlights (she works at the courthouse and none of her co-workers know anything, and she would lose her job as a sworn deputy cavorting with one of the lawyers who she sends info on cases to).  The night before mediation XW called me and offered me everything.  Literally everything.  She even mentioned her paying CS for the first time and said we could go by the state guidelines.  I chose to take a 3rd party role and said that I was sure my L would be agreeable to that (I often acted as if the fight was not between XW and I and said I paid my L to handle all that for me; it kept things peaceful between XW and I).  When all was said and done, things went about as well for me as was possible and XW's "friends" never had to testify nor did XW or I ever see the inside of a courtroom.  Had I played my trump card beforehand and busted her out to her friends in her office, then I would not have had that bit of leverage and would likely have come out much worse off.  And in the back of my mind I didn't want XW to end the affair (again, assuming there is one) because of discovery but because she wanted to.  If she didn't want to choose me over him, I really didn't want her back anyway.  I deserve better and so do all of you.

[Songanddance]

My H fits both the romantic and emotionally retarded. H is addicted to OW who is not a "wonderful person" as she is married to but her H says that my H makes her happy!! So we are definitely out in the open here!
OW is definitely damsel (dumsel) and H is knight in shining armour who doesn't want to commit to her so won't leave home because he knows the reality of it all is futile but it stops him feeling suicidal/depressed (almost exact quite from him).
Death of mother and 2 ds having left home and pressure of business certainly laid the ground work for numbness and no pain and yes OW did jerk him out of this by doing what I apparently "failed to do".
H has acknowledged depression and suicidal thoughts but refuses the concept of help as that isn't the answer - he doesn't know what is but he's not going to give OW up (addiction)
Me - I am observing, watching and learning all the time.
Time is what will tell ......

[MovingOnward]

Some years ago, I came across an interesting blog/story written by a man. He had left his wife to be with OW and he was going back and forth. At the end, he finally managed to distance himself from OW, by doing no contact, and was hoping to reconnect with his wife, but she seemed to have moved on, so now he had neither.

It was quite an open accounting of his feelings and his remorse and while MLC was not mentioned, I think, it was very interesting read "from the other side". However, I don't have the link anymore, does anyone know what I am talking about and could give it to me?

Thanks,
Fran

[Braveheart]

Some years ago, I came across an interesting blog/story written by a man. He had left his wife to be with OW and he was going back and forth. At the end, he finally managed to distance himself from OW, by doing no contact, and was hoping to reconnect with his wife, but she seemed to have moved on, so now he had neither.

It was quite an open accounting of his feelings and his remorse and while MLC was not mentioned, I think, it was very interesting read "from the other side". However, I don't have the link anymore, does anyone know what I am talking about and could give it to me?

Thanks,
Fran

I read it about a year ago, I don't have the link. It was an interesting read, but if that is what goes through their mind we are better off that they've left. Sometimes it appears as if there was an underlying personality disorder which comes forth when hormone levels shift at middle age for both men and women, they become narcissists. I'm not sure why anyone would want to be the spare tire they go back to because the glow of the OW/OM has burned off and nobody else is readily available.

[Faithfully Yours]

I would be interested in reading this article as well. It sounds like a fascinating read.