[superdog]

Personally i think it doesnt matter whatever rhey call it or which way it is done. Something is wrong with humans nowadays that they cannot rest or settle in life. Infidelity is about the way we fail to relate.

Mothers and fathers have a lot to answer for.

Sd
X

[Dagolark]

Mine definitely did that, on Whatsapp. It moved on to a PA the moment I turned my back, even though a couple of days before he was crying saying he didn't want to lose me and he 'just needed to be alone'.

I feel like such a fool. I gave him unconditional trust for so long, and he took complete advantage of that. And I was so trusting that I didn't pick up on the - in hindsiight GLARING - signs because I just couldn't fathom he would ever do something like that. He was texting her all the time while sitting right there with me on the couch, ignoring me as I told him I felt lonely and I wished he would talk to me more, and pouring out lie after lie about what he was doing on his phone.

I feel so humiliated. I don't know if I can ever get past this horrible behavior.

[alwayshope]

Personally i think it doesnt matter whatever rhey call it or which way it is done. Something is wrong with humans nowadays that they cannot rest or settle in life. Infidelity is about the way we fail to relate.

Mothers and fathers have a lot to answer for.

Sd
X

Well said!

[Dagolark]

Personally i think it doesnt matter whatever rhey call it or which way it is done. Something is wrong with humans nowadays that they cannot rest or settle in life. Infidelity is about the way we fail to relate.

Mothers and fathers have a lot to answer for.

Sd
X

Well said!

I think it's definitely an issue with how modern society is structured. Like, being young (or fake-young!), without any responsibility, is glorified. Growing up and learning to take responsibility - for the ageing parents, for kids, for themselves... - is considered a curse, is delayed, is avoided. I was reading this essay about how in our society there are no longer rites of passage into adulthood, like in more 'primitive' societies, and therefore people float along never stepping up to the plate.

I'm thinking of a quote from E.R. when the grandmother of one of the doctors tells him: "I never understood your generation. In my generation, we embraced our responsibilities, they defined us. You - all your life you've been indulged, and called it oppression."

Precisely. Becoming a strong man responsible for a family was glorified, not remaining an eternal teenager who wants to party and screw around, like today. Becoming old is even more demonized nowadays, while in the past the elderly were valued, they were a source of wisdom, and they played a role in the household - like my great-great-grandma, who even tho she could barely move, still had the task of keeping the fire lit and looking after the babies as the adults broke their backs in the crops.

Also, back in the day I think that they had a clearer understanding that being healthy and not going hungry was already a MASSIVE achievement, and that true happiness lies in having a healthy family not struggling too much to survive... nowadays that's taken for granted, that's not enough, that's 'boring', what people want is fake adventure, mindless fun, INSTANT GRATIFICATION, not having to work to achieve things and then whining because they haven't achieved anything. (It's why instant-celebs without any merit or skill are so glorified - 'hey, that could be me without having to make any effort!')

Lol. Look at me, 26 and I talk like I'm so old and expert in the world, lol. But I was brought up by a very pragmatic grandma in the Italian countryside who had to break her back all her life to achieve what she wanted - stability, food on the table and a roof over her head. And that was enough to her, perfectly satisfying, without any weird flights of fancy. I think I learned this attitude from her - and also, after so many bereavements in our family, to me the greatest gift is to be able to be together, healthy and reasonably happy. I don't need any fancy toys to make me happy, I just want my loved ones to be there and a 'boring' life... because to me that's such a rare thing, every year we're mourning another death or disaster of some sort. 'Boring' peace is awesome!

Too bad my Ex doesn't see it that way, lol. I guess when you've had that 'boring peace' all your life, you really don't realize how goddamn lucky you've been, and throw it all away in pursue of some illusion.

[superdog]

Absolutely agree Dagolark. I didn't mean to spark debate about that, I just don't think that any of it matters.

I firmly believe that we have things too easy, idolise the untalented, believe anything short of perfection is a failure.

I read something the other day where it said  why is it that the soldiers out defending our countries are paid less that 5% of some guy defending the goal in football. How true is that!!!

Our values are all screwed up, our beliefs are misguided by falseness. I am use that I would like perfect with a hairstylist, a personal trainer, Botox, liposuction and then still have to airbrush me in a magazine.

In the uk, even those that don't work seem to have disposable income for entertainment and feel entitled.

My parents didn't wholly struggle for money, but they taught me it's value and that the only way I got it was to earn it. If you didn't have money, you mAde do or mend.

For those of us 40+ then we made out own entertainment. Played in the street till dark with simple stuff. We bought sweets with our pocket money and didn't get it otherwise.

Our mlcers are mirroring today's entitled spoilt brats.

We can no longer as humans learn to relate to others becuSe we never speak to them face to face. We text, email etc. progress has a it's costs and it's human costs.

Children no longer respect their elders and see them as useless. They fail to see what contribution the aged have made, only what they are now.

Our mlcers have bought into the fake, but it's fake and they will eventually grown up enough to see that. They will try and turn back to what they used to have and expect to just take it. No, they have to earn it and we should not let them just come and take it all back.

Rant over !!!!!!!

Okay, for the record Dagolark, my h did all that whilst sitting next to me lying righ to my face. He never missed a stride while he did it either. Trust someone like that, I think not !

Sd
X

[SwiftCovenant]

Dagolark...I agree with with your take.  I think a lot of what we are all dealing with is the breakdown of the culture.  We do have it made, and because we are so spoiled and taken care of...meaning we don't have to worry about food on our tables and a roof over our heads on a daily basis... many become bored with life.  They look for a new thrill.  They are tired of the same ole, same ole. 

My H was never satisfied with anything for long.  There were red flags before we were married.  This mostly had to do with material things.  He trades cars almost like he changes underwear, and he always has to have the newest gadget (especially phones).  About 10 years I could see the boredom starting with me (in addition to some very major life challenges we were having).  Deep down inside I knew I would eventually be on the chopping block even though i lived in a state of denial for years.  He always had this interesting saying that drove me crazy every time he used it.  He would say, "Everything I have is for sale.  I don't have a deep attachment to things."   There was a slight element of truth to that he wasn't attached to the things but was attached to the new thrill of things.  As soon as something wasn't new to him anymore it went up for sale.  What grated me was that he stated in a way that made him look so un-materalistic when, in fact, the opposite was mostly true.

Of course, the desire for an emotional connection goes back usually to childhood/FOO issues...which my H most definitely has...but it's also stemming from the culture that screams that if you are bored with  your relationship then it's time to move on to the next hormone-induced thrill.  There are so many technology-laden ways to do that now there is no way to know for certain if your partner is truly being faithful.  Yes, they could give you all their passwords to their e-mail, FB, instagram etc., but now there are literally thousands of technological avenues for cheating/Chexting/sexting.  It's so easy to hide.  How would you ever know for sure if they are remaining technologically faithful?  You wouldn't ever truly know for sure.

I also agree with your theory about pseudo-celebrities and expecting to be famous and rich without lifting more than your texting fingers to achieve it.   It's really a dead-end road for all except a few...and I think as time goes by we're seeing that pseudo-celebrity lives slowly implode.

[SwiftCovenant]

Superdog...my husband did the same thing.  Texting OW while sitting on the couch and similutaneously denying that he was doing it.  I agree, I don't know if I could ever totally trust him again.  That kind of deception is never truly forgotten because it's done so willingly.

[bipolared]

In the beginning my H kept saying maybe he had seen too many romantic comedies, like our relationship wasn't good enough b/c it didn't play out like Sleepless in Seattle or something(I don't know, I hate romcoms, especially now).  But he wanted the cute meeting, love at first sight, endless "in love" feeling and I do feel like it is a problem in our culture.  Most movies and tv shows romanticize marriage, nobody wants to see the dirty work behind a relationship and so they think it isn't supposed to be work at all.  I know he doesn't have to discuss bills and laundry with OW;  there are no kids involved there and they can just go out all the time and have fun.  Its the fantasy life that every guy dreams of, I guess.
He was also constantly texting and emailing and had the code on his phone.  I used to trust him completely even though he is a musician.  Innocence is lost.

[Slow Fade]

Growing up and learning to take responsibility - for the ageing parents, for kids, for themselves... - is considered a curse,

I couldn't agree more. When S11 was born and then my dad died and we agreed to have my Mom live with us H just couldn't take the responsibility anymore. It cramped his style too much. He didn't get to do the things he wanted to do for himself. So he threw a fit, had an affair and moved out.

My H was never satisfied with anything for long.  There were red flags before we were married.  This mostly had to do with material things.

Mine too. Always looking for the next best thing to make him happy.

Yes, they could give you all their passwords to their e-mail, FB, instagram etc., but now there are literally thousands of technological avenues for cheating/Chexting/sexting.  It's so easy to hide.  How would you ever know for sure if they are remaining technologically faithful?  You wouldn't ever truly know for sure.

This weighs heavily on my mind. Even S11 said last night, "if daddy comes home he has to throw his phone away."

Texting OW while sitting on the couch and similutaneously denying that he was doing it.

Mine did this too. He even went so far as to be texting the other woman while we were sitting in church and claiming it was a bible app.....

[Dagolark]

Innocence is lost indeed. And I resent that I've already lost it at 26. I wanted a wedding and at least a few years of bliss. And instead now I will forever be afraid that my future partners will do the same. ..