[calamity]

I have one response to that article: 

Love is a choice!

Oops, I wrote this without reading Hobo's reply.    

What Hobo said.

[gigi888]

Hobo1- I think you nail it.  I truely believe STBE is no longer in love with me, but I also truely believe he is not in love with OW.  I think he think he is in love but it is really not love.  I been in many relationships and I know when I have a rebound that I will wake up one day knowing this is not what I want.  I just jumped into another relationship to heal my inner self at the expense of another person.

In college, I date a guy and he said it as well when he decided to go back to his ex-gf.  When that relationship ended, he started contacting me again, but I will not take him back.  I personnaly believe it takes a great soul for someone to forgive another person when ILYBNILWY is said.  It is like a cracked window....always there no matter how hard you try to fix it.  Some people can over look it and move on while other cannot stop looking at the crack.

[Stillpraying]

I remember reading a blog on Divorce Busting about when marriage counselling doesn't work there is usually only one reason why:  There is another person or one waiting in the wings.  ie if Both parties make the CHOICE to work at the marriage then therapy will work but if one has made that choice to look elsewhere.....(we all know what that means)

I think HOBO1 has nailed it.  But agree, the 'OP' may be a different drug than an affair partner. 

So I always cringe when I hear people say "oh the just fell out of love" etc.  BS, they CHOSE not to focus on them / each other.

Actions first and then feelings do come.  Try it.  it's true.  I tried that after the first BD and was so surprised at how much I thought of H during the day.  That's why when he eventually left I was so hurt he didn't make the same choice for the kids and I.

[riverbirch]

Every single relationship on the face of this earth hits bumps.  I haven't been happy in mine for probably 10 years now.  Doesn't mean I wasn't trying.  Doesn't mean the whole 10 years was a horror story.  We hit a snag.  I figured we would get the spark back at some point.  I was willing to wait.  To keep trying.  Still am I suppose.

My thought exactly!

[rover77]

read it..a little lame..'It’s a shame when it ends, not through selfishness or contempt, but through not heeding the fact that relationships in our world can’t sustain themselves on air. '...uh..is there ANYONE here whose marriage didn't end with selfishness and contempt?...mine sure did

[Braveheart]

read it..a little lame..'It’s a shame when it ends, not through selfishness or contempt, but through not heeding the fact that relationships in our world can’t sustain themselves on air. '...uh..is there ANYONE here whose marriage didn't end with selfishness and contempt?...mine sure did

That publication has been full of "blame it on someone else" crap for quite a while, it's as bad as the Huffington Post divorce section

[Snowdrop]

I kind of think that after being in a relationship for as long as we have, yes, the love is there, the real, "do anything for you, don't ever want you to die", kind of love, but for me, not the butterfly feelings we had in the beginning.  Naturally, they lessen over the years and often fly away, but the love is there, just not the high we once had.  Once they meet OW, and they get a flutter of something, they equate that to what we used to feel, and maybe it is, or maybe it is just the addiction, the next bottle of booze, whatever it takes.

Our love started with the butterflies, then developed into something so much more, and just that unspoken knowing.  We started from nothing, had nothing except for each other, laughed, fought, you name it, but it was real.  It has to change over the years, and so many times on the board, it seems to be the couples people always thought would be together forever.  We felt that way, and still do in a way, there is that unbroken bond and a lifelong connection, regardless of what either of us do, or where our lives take us.

Yes, they had that love for us, and when they feel the sparks for OW/OM, it tells them they can only have it for one person, and that person they have at home isn't fun anymore compared to wonder man or woman, so off they go.

Wow! That ...all of that....just cannot be taken seriously. That is the most absurd mlc story I have ever heard of!
He's mad!
Oh my god!

Yes, Booboo, very odd isn't it.  Imagine a grown man telling his daughter that he loves her mom, but isn't in love with her, then rewriting history to say she probably noticed that mom and dad started to drift apart after her brother was born!!!   This is to a girl in her early teens!!  A father saying this to his daughter.  To say he is mad is an understatement, plus, this is nothing for him, he's done much, much worse.  Ugh, he is vile.  She even said to me, what is he talking about, fancy saying that about growing apart after S born.  No, dad just turned weird!!

[Snowdrop]

Will admit though that I often took our relationship for granted, and feel we both did, maybe only natural after 20yrs.  At the same time though, it felt quite real, and life was okay.

[Slow Fade]

Will admit though that I often took our relationship for granted, and feel we both did, maybe only natural after 20yrs.  At the same time though, it felt quite real, and life was okay.

Same for me Snowdrop. I knew we were in a bit of a slump, but were dealing with pretty intense career issues at the time. Had no clue there was a clueless chippy in the picture! I was secure in our love. What a shock!

[Zendog]

This article drove me nuts all day. And I think Snowdrop beat me to my response with this:

I kind of think that after being in a relationship for as long as we have, yes, the love is there, the real, "do anything for you, don't ever want you to die", kind of love, but for me, not the butterfly feelings we had in the beginning.  Naturally, they lessen over the years and often fly away, but the love is there, just not the high we once had.

That's where I am. But I was thinking about it. I was thinking that I love my W, but am I "in love" with her? No. But Snowdrop nailed it. I'm not looking for the high. What I get is that deeper connection that you just don't toss away. That's love. Do people just not get that, or are they so psychologically messed up they're incapable of getting it? Or is it just the groupthink, the, well, humans aren't meant to have lifetime relationships. it's a choice.