[trusting]

1994,

So means starting over with other people?  Or with you?

Not quite... she wants to date and play friends.... after getting a D.

I am guessing this wouldn't sit well with you.  If it is not what you want, then state so in counseling.  That doesn't mean that she won't follow through with it herself, but you have every right to tell her that you don't agree.  Is this a Christian counselor?

You may not be able to play friends with her or have any desire to do so if she goes through with a D.  You could also state that - that family together times will not happen as friends.

[Searching4Answers]

***New Questions***

Truth darts - I have come to the realization that my truth darts bring out Monster; does anyone else see this happening?

Living Arrangements - We discussed this over the weekend, I was frustrated and didn't know if I could I stay in our home, H made it very clear that he does not want to lose me or leave the home. I feel like H wants me to be the adult/parent while he is the teenager having fun. He wants to go on this adventure but wants me to be there waiting at the end of the tunnel. Is this part of MLC? Or is he really just a selfish a**hole wanting freedom? I wish I knew for certain that this was MLC and that I am not just being used 

[Songanddance]

Hello,
As a newbie myself with H living at home since BD 4 months ago H has said exactly the same to me. I have to witness him disappearing off daily to see OW and yet as he also works from home - I see him here most of the remaining time. However, legally if I leave the home and leave my S here, I could end up losing it even though I pay the mortgage and 85% of the bills. H is in the same legal position technically but if I leave it will be even harder for me to return as women leaving the home are stated to have abandoned the family. I have two friends who did leave and lost their case.
It depends on your legal rights where you live but realistically why should you leave when he is the one causing all the grief and pain?
Read  and re-read everything you can on here, I know that one of the wise mentors will point you in a good direction for a link but reading one of RCRs blog articles on "should my MLCer stay or go" is a good start.
However know that you are not alone in having that conversation or feelings - there are quite a few of us exactly in that position.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Truth darts - I have come to the realization that my truth darts bring out Monster; does anyone else see this happening? 

Be careful with throwing truth darts in the beginning; it might be too soon for that.  Truth darts are meant to help your H realize what he is doing; if they are thrown too early, they can push the MLCer further away.  In the beginning, they don't want to be faced with what they are doing to their family; how much they are hurting people; they want to escape!  So, watch the truth darts in the beginning.

Living Arrangements - We discussed this over the weekend, I was frustrated and didn't know if I could I stay in our home, H made it very clear that he does not want to lose me or leave the home. I feel like H wants me to be the adult/parent while he is the teenager having fun.

Yes, he is the child and you are the adult.  Your H wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Set some boundaries for yourself; protect yourself.  Be sure to make it clear, if asked by your H, that these boundaries that you are setting are to protect yourself, not to hurt him.

[Songanddance]

[Yes, he is the child and you are the adult.  Your H wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Set some boundaries for yourself; protect yourself.  Be sure to make it clear, if asked by your H, that these boundaries that you are setting are to protect yourself, not to hurt him.

FH1 - fully appreciate what you say and it is extremely wise advice but what if the H refuses to leave home as mine does?
I have asked him and then told him that while OW is part of his life I will not be and he should leave. He refuses! The only boundary I have is to go dark and distance but it doesn't always work and I am having to detach with him here.
It is really difficult and I know I'm not the only one but if H refuses to go - it's very difficult in British Law to boot him out.

[Searching4Answers]

Living Arrangements - We discussed this over the weekend, I was frustrated and didn't know if I could I stay in our home, H made it very clear that he does not want to lose me or leave the home. I feel like H wants me to be the adult/parent while he is the teenager having fun.

Yes, he is the child and you are the adult.  Your H wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Set some boundaries for yourself; protect yourself.  Be sure to make it clear, if asked by your H, that these boundaries that you are setting are to protect yourself, not to hurt him.

Thanks FH1 

I have started to set some boundaries; I hope that I am strong enough to uphold them.

Do we ever know if they are truly going through MLC while they are in the process? or is like most things that we don't really know until we can look back at it?

[Searching4Answers]

Thanks FH1....

Truth darts - I have come to the realization that my truth darts bring out Monster; does anyone else see this happening? 

Be careful with throwing truth darts in the beginning; it might be too soon for that.  Truth darts are meant to help your H realize what he is doing; if they are thrown too early, they can push the MLCer further away.  In the beginning, they don't want to be faced with what they are doing to their family; how much they are hurting people; they want to escape!  So, watch the truth darts in the beginning.

Living Arrangements - We discussed this over the weekend, I was frustrated and didn't know if I could I stay in our home, H made it very clear that he does not want to lose me or leave the home. I feel like H wants me to be the adult/parent while he is the teenager having fun.

Yes, he is the child and you are the adult.  Your H wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Set some boundaries for yourself; protect yourself.  Be sure to make it clear, if asked by your H, that these boundaries that you are setting are to protect yourself, not to hurt him.

[Searching4Answers]

Read  and re-read everything you can on here, I know that one of the wise mentors will point you in a good direction for a link but reading one of RCRs blog articles on "should my MLCer stay or go" is a good start.
However know that you are not alone in having that conversation or feelings - there are quite a few of us exactly in that position.

Thanks for the suggested reading  Here is the link in case anyone else would like to read it: http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/communication/should-my-mlcer-stay-or-go/

[panda]

I just read the article/blog but I, like songanddance have a H who doesn't seem to want to go.  Wants his teenage kicks with OW and to live in our house.....I am wondering, how long it will take him before he 'gets it' - roll on end of replay thats all I can say......meanwhile, I detach and barely speak to the man.

[Searching4Answers]

I just read the article/blog but I, like songanddance have a H who doesn't seem to want to go.  Wants his teenage kicks with OW and to live in our house.....I am wondering, how long it will take him before he 'gets it' - roll on end of replay thats all I can say......meanwhile, I detach and barely speak to the man.

panda/sonanddance- we are in very similiar situations 

I would also like to know 'how long it will take him before he 'gets it'"?