Ahhhh....there's some good stuff here.
Here are some of mine...in no particular order...and no, you can't make this $hit up!
He asked what I was going to do one Sat. night so I said I was going out on the town. His reply: "Are you gonna go get laid??" Ummm...NO. I was actually going shopping for my son's bday gift.
"You're such a clean freak!" This was said while standing in my kitchen that looked like a tornado had hit it. I couldn't help but reply with "Does this kitchen look like that of a clean freak? Your mom is a clean freak, NOT me!"
These two wouldn't be so surprising on their own, but were both said within the same week...I kid you not!
"You act like you're my mom."
"Your blowjobs are FREAKIN AWESOME!"
Ya, I was confused too.
"You have too many rules." To which I replied, "Like what?" His answer: "Nobody can walk across the kitchen floor with their shoes on without you freaking out. You think we gotta take them off at the door, but I don't want to unlace my boots to come in and take a look at the tv and then go back out again." Ummmm...ok, once again this is his mom, not me, but I was so stunned that all I could think to reply was "So what other rules were bad?" His reply: "I don't know. That's the one that bothered me the most." WOW...ok.
Back at BD, before I knew about MLC, when I found out about the OW, they had been texting each other a couple weeks and had been together once, according to his FB messages, which is how I found out. UGH! Anyway, I had told him I would forgive him and forget about her if he'd just come home and be with me. His reply: "It's more complicated than that. There are a lot of people involved here so I can't just leave her. We work together and she's always right there so I would see her every day anyway." Ummmm...so there weren't a lot of people involved at this end??? My family...his HUGE family who loves me like one of their own. He still hasn't told his family.
Day after Christmas: "I have to work on me and OW."
Day after New Year's: "Good morning, my HUMMER QUEEN." Meaning he's buttering me up for a blow job when he comes home for a wknd with me. Gotta love a man who thinks with his head!
On his new smoking habit: "Life is too short to not enjoy myself. Everybody else at W & A's parties all smoke so it's just easier to smoke with them." UGH! He's constantly coughing and hacking and wonders if he's catching a cold. HELLO...perhaps it's the new cigarette habit??
"You think you have to cook all fancy and healthy all the time. Sometimes, I just want to fry a pack of bologne so now I can do that if I want." Really?? I do cook healthy, but fancy it is not! I can't stand bologne so I never buy it...apparently that was also a deal breaker.
"You always think you gotta bake homemade bread. Why can't you just buy cheap 88 cent Walmart white bread like normal people do?" Ummmm...again, his mother buys cheap Walmart bread...and who the heck complains about getting fresh homemade bread? I grew up with homemade bread...Walmart bread is so far from my shopping list it's not even funny. This is also a man who despises shopping at Walmart.
"We (OW) have so much in common. She likes to eat the same thing when we go out to breakfast." Mind you, I like a cinnamon roll because I have a daughter with a cinnamon allergy so I can't make them at home anymore. He orders the plate with 3 of everything. That would be WAY too much food for me.
"I told her I got ADD and she said that's ok." BwAHaHA...like that's all there is to it! She hasn't got a clue!
And one of my favorites..."She's like a female version of me." OMG...REALLY? Like that will be a lasting relationship.
"You can't fix stupid." No, you sure can't.
I know I have a few more, but can't think of them at the moment. I do have to say that his mom is more of a trend with what he says than what I had ever thought about before. Wish I could say something about that. Mostly I just don't say anything. Just like you can't reason with a 2 yr old....you can't reason with a MLCer.
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MLC script IV