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Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 6

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#180: October 20, 2013, 01:33:54 PM
I've been receiving support for a few months from the forum but it's been a week or so that i get no responses except for a couple of very short posts.
I'm going through a even more trying time, as my H is in monster and I'm not quite sure how to handle this. He is putting me in a difficult financial situation and my attorney is just sucking me dry of money I should be using to live on.

I'm scared and I need to have some advice regarding the situation from other women who have dealt with monster. My Mlcer is unrecognizable ...completely a different person. It's unbelievable! Please help.  Sw

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4147.10
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« Last Edit: October 20, 2013, 01:43:46 PM by kikki »
"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be."
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#181: October 20, 2013, 03:59:08 PM
Question - I know that hubby is out looking for new playmates this week end. I have proof of it. Now he is trying to get OW back by declaring his love.  How can he love her if he is out looking for new playmates constantly.  I am confused.

Direction on this please.
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Mentor - Phoenix
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#182: October 20, 2013, 04:04:15 PM
Quote from: living with Hope on October 20, 2013, 03:59:08 PM
Question - I know that hubby is out looking for new playmates this week end. I have proof of it. Now he is trying to get OW back by declaring his love.  How can he love her if he is out looking for new playmates constantly.  I am confused.

Direction on this please.

Even though MLCers can appear completely obsessed about the other person, it is not because of who they are, but because of how they make the MLCer feel (the hero, adored etc).
Most of us eventually find out that our MLCers tried their strange behaviours on with a few different people, but it was this particular OW who was willing to take the bait and become involved with a married person in crisis.

That is why we say that this person is not special, and is a band aid fix for our MLCers.

As their relationship is tumultuous, there are often many break ups.  If the MLCer is still in replay, they will instantly look for other people to fill the gap, or use this to make the other person jealous, to win them back. 
These other people also play the same games with our MLCers.  It's all part of the dysfunction and the emotional manipulation.
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« Last Edit: October 20, 2013, 04:10:39 PM by kikki »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#183: October 20, 2013, 06:38:28 PM
our wives/husbands are connecting with people who dont know that its wrong to get involved with a married person. Their moral code is sufficiently under developed that they cant see the issues in that.
if our partners were in a good place they would end the relationship with us calmly and divorce, then proceed to find another available partner after they were properly divorced.
however they search for a replacement before leaving, not realizing that this sows the seeds of distrust in the relationship they are going to.....97% of affair relationships fail & 75% of second marriages, 78% of 3rd.
So the odds get pretty bad for them.

We must trust that whoever they are connecting with is low on morals, couldnt make their first relationship work (if it is a second or thrid relationship) that the odds of success are very low.

Who do we want to be when they come out the other end?

if they are in an affair then they are still in replay stage, which is fairly early in the MLC.

cheers
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Our spouse and children are our mirror.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#184: October 22, 2013, 05:49:31 AM
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