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Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 6

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#70: August 13, 2013, 07:02:25 AM
NEW QUESTION

I have read RCR articles about liminality and they don't seem to answer my question.

My MLCer Dropped Bomb and left home May 2013 there is no alienator.  He seems to be alternating between overt and covert depression.  There are no signs of Replay behaviour he is either at work or in his apartment drinking alcohol.

Is it possible that he is in or approaching liminality only three months after BD and without experiencing Replay ?

Will he need an alienator in order to proceed through the MLC tunnel ?

Thanks for answering
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1968 H and Me born
1992 Married
Ds born 2000 and 2006
May 2013 H left us
H continually stated that there is no OW
January 2014 H filed for Divorce
January 2014 H alludes & infers that there IS an OW
April 2014 H issues DECREE NISI
May 2014 H makes OW public
H continually states that OW R began December 2013
H asked for over a year to come home but asked in monster mode and I refused.
August 2016 H issues DECREE ABSOLUTE
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#71: August 13, 2013, 08:25:12 AM
I think being at work or in his apartment is escape and avoid, which is replay, but perhaps in your h case low energy wallow type replay rather than high energy.

 I doubt he will go into liminality this early as much as that would be great.

Sorry but more likely that he will either continue to wallow or things might go full speed ahead, not nice to say this to someone but it is better that you know I think.

Not all mlcers get ow/om but the majority do.

The ow is the soulmate, I think she becomes the part of them that is missing until such times as they can become whole again and then she is no longer needed.

What we are dealing with is the mlcers subconscience mind and that is where he is during mlc, he wont be in reality but in his subconscience with all his lifes problems that he never faced up to in real life.

That is my take on it from what I have read.

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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#72: August 13, 2013, 08:41:20 AM
Quote from: jos1.9 on August 13, 2013, 07:02:25 AM
NEW QUESTION

I have read RCR articles about liminality and they don't seem to answer my question.

My MLCer Dropped Bomb and left home May 2013 there is no alienator.  He seems to be alternating between overt and covert depression.  There are no signs of Replay behaviour he is either at work or in his apartment drinking alcohol.

Both 'overworking' and drinking alcohol are signs of replay

Is it possible that he is in or approaching liminality only three months after BD and without experiencing Replay ?
From what we read here, liminality at this early point in highly unlikely, I remember that I hoped the same thing at about the same time. It is probably just the depression that comes and goes/changes from overt/covert all through the crisis

Will he need an alienator in order to proceed through the MLC tunnel ?
Alienator as in OW? Some MLCers manage to get through this without an OW, they resort to other addictions such as hobbies or work - however, these are very few cases from what has been observed

Thanks for answering
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#73: August 13, 2013, 07:10:43 PM
NEW QUESTION -
What is the easiest way to find my own thread in the Community Forum?  Right now I scroll through the messages until I find it, but that can take awhile  :P
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Me 46, H 45, M 15, T16, S21, D19
Bomb drop: 7-4-13 EA, just not happy
He moved to the basement apartment of our house.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#74: August 13, 2013, 07:16:17 PM
Quote
Hello Phoenix67
Show unread posts since last visit.
Show new replies to your posts.
August 13, 2013, 07:13:57 PM

If you go to the top of the page, under the hero spouse header - you will see the above.

Click on 'show new replies to your posts' and it will be there.

Hope that helps.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#75: August 13, 2013, 07:25:49 PM
Unfortunately there aren't any new replies to my post.  When I click that just says '"no unread replies since your last visit."

When someone replies to my thread I get a message on my cell phone and link to the site that way.  But when I'm on my  home computer in the evening I cant get to my thread  :-[

Seriously, I am not normally this helpless...
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Me 46, H 45, M 15, T16, S21, D19
Bomb drop: 7-4-13 EA, just not happy
He moved to the basement apartment of our house.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#76: August 13, 2013, 07:38:21 PM
Click on profile summary and then show posts.


Edit then click on TOPICS. - OldPilot
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« Last Edit: August 13, 2013, 11:02:45 PM by OldPilot »
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#77: August 13, 2013, 07:42:37 PM
Yes, as Disneyme explained is one way of doing it.
Or you might need to change your personal settings. 

Quote
e
Help Search Profile My Messages Calendar Members Logout

Click on profile in the header.

That will option up options.  Click on forum profile.

You can edit your settings under Modify profile - either in 'Look and layout' or 'notifications'
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#78: August 15, 2013, 06:27:10 PM
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« Last Edit: August 15, 2013, 06:38:53 PM by Anjae »
Married 18
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Re: Ask a Mentor 6
#79: August 16, 2013, 04:10:10 AM
please can someone read my thread really need advice and help he has sent another text now and i even more confused as i think he is too
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