[LoveMeMyself]

That's a good question, Panda.  I hope someone more experienced will come along and answer it.  I recall hearing/reading that at BD.........is like a half way point...........not sure exactly.  My exH first stated his "unhappiness" began 6 months prior to BD...........but then later he came back and said it really started two years before BD...........and as I went backwards in my mind....the two years fits perfectly.  His mom died around the time frame he is speaking of.........so, perhaps it did start that far back.  I will soon hit the 4 year mark of all of this......so, I don't get the "half-way" mark regarding the date/time of BD.  As my luck goes, my exH will take the longest way out......so, he will probably be in this for the duration......10 years???  Oh, goodness!!

I hope someone else will come along and shed some light on this. 

[serenity]

Hi Panda,

I can only answer from my own experience - H has not been 'right' a total of eight years. He's been gone 3 1/2 years, so in theory if you were right, he'd be getting better in about six months time. The way my H is, that doesn't seem very likely!

Maybe he's going to be a 10 year MLCer!

X

[Searching4Answers]

*New Question*

H is opening up some more about how he is feeling; one of the things that he is expressing is that he is disappointed in himself (self esteem seems to be low, etc) I was looking around for information on how to support him as he tries to heal/make himself stronger but I don't see anything realting to this. Does anyone know where I might look? 

[Disneyme]

I posted on my thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3970.msg247628#msg247628

Is going nice part of this rollercoaster or is it part of manipulation or control?

[DancingInTheRain]

Mentors and other LBS friends,
Have any of you had your MLCer text you when he was going places with the OW? For example, if H is going somewhere with his schmoopie that he knows the boys and I usually go, he will text me saying "We are going to the ____ at noon". 
What is the purpose behind this?

[calamity]

Usual mlc craziness?  Or he's warning you so you don't find yourself in the same place as them?

[Disneyme]

Does anyone know of a thread about the kids and dealing with the back and forth and OW? I am so tired of this. My life is out of control. I have things to convey about kids, but get no where with him. He is just spiteful and selfish. I can't do this. I want NC and my life makes that impossible because the stuff with kids turns out so bad. I need help from someone that maybe went through this.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3970.msg247628#msg247628

[jos1.9]

*NEW QUESTION*

Am I paving the way or allowing cake eating

I do not initiate contact with my H.  These past two weeks my H has been either turning up at my house or telephoning me to talk.  He talks about sad he is and has started to tell me lots of FOO issues that I was unaware of.  He says that he will only let me help him and that he needs me to be his FRIEND.  When I questioned is that all he needs me for as a friend rather than a wife he said ' Well it might lead to more later on'.  I told him I don't want to be fed crumbs.  He cries a lot in my presence and says his parents were always physically fighting when he was little and that when he was a little boy he always had to ring the Police to come to stop his parents fighting.  Then he says he is scared of me.  Now we have not had a violent relationship AT ALL.

My question is to do I allow him to come to me and cry and listen to him and offer sympathy?

Am I paving the way or am I allowing cake eating by letting him come to me when he is low and then retreating to his 'bolthole'?

BTW he doesn't have OW so not sure it is cake eating?

Thanks for reading.

[trusting]

I have had similar experiences with my H.  He has periodically (and it was quite regularly the first couple of years) come to me with his MLC angst, very emotional.  I did choose to listen and let him talk and still would.  I don't see it as cake eating personally. I want to be a soft place to land for him, and I am still the same person he left, still the person who was ALWAYS there for him.  I choose to still be. 

That's my 0.02 worth.  Others may not agree.

[Disneyme]

I thing both of you Jos1.0 and trusting should be there. You can just listen. I wouldn't give advise that they may see as you getting what you want. Like suggestions on getting away from OW. I would always answer with another question so they are always the one talking.
Were your husbands always very open?  My H never really opened up about anything. In my family this is normal so I never pushed. Now I regret it since he may have been able to deal with old issues, or seen me as a friend. I don't think he did or does and think OW is probably closer than me if she is different and asks him to talk more.