Additional info on my situation:
My son was diagnosed with schizophreniz several years ago and it has been a real rollarcoaster. WE do have a mental health facility here and they have been of great help. I have belonged to a support group for families with a mentally ill member-however it is very small and although we help each other with advice, etc, it is not the type of group that would physically help with your ill family member. It is mainly a group to help new members learn how the mental health system works, etc.
This son lives in his own apt now, at the advice of mental health people.,but needs much supervision, to make sure it is somewhat clean. He doesn't clean on his own, so you have to help him. He spends his days drinking coffee and smoking. I take him to all his dr appointments, etc as he cannot drive.. Its very sad, but he has actually improved. He will never be able to hold down a "normal job, because of the illness. He also has no friends and calls his dad and me each 3-4 times a day. I could write pages on having a mentally ill child, but will spare all of you.
As for my ex, he always seemed to think this son was just a behavior problem and for a long time he and his parents thought it was the way I was taking care of him. Once son was diagnosed with a true mental illness, he has slowly become more involved, mainly financially. Thanks to the psychologist, He does take son out to eat once a week and they go grocery shopping. Ex's OW has not wanted anything to do with this son and is not at all interested in learning about his illness. So, son is not welcome at their house. I know he has used her as an excuse to avoid his son at times.
Ex husband is not all bad-like I said he has come a long way since son's diagnosis. He also joined the support group and I think it helped him to be around a few other men who have mentally ill child. It is hard for me to be there at same time as I feel it is difficult for either of us to speak freely, since we are divorced. I just think it is easier for him to give financially. He and his OW are quite active socially and that still seems to take priority, but he has recently said I can call anytime if there is a problem. He really does expect me to be the main caretaker with him-I sometimes feel like I'm the unpaid help.
His primary world continues to be life with OW and his original family comes in second. However, he is showing more interest in his other kids in the last couple of years. My daughter has even noticed.
I hope that clarifies things a little better.