[Songanddance]

Makes us left behind think they are doing these things for the other person, things they never did for us,

I agree -I'm fairly confident that my H has taken OW to New York for a few days. He hated NY when we went there some yrs ago as he hates all big cities so the in fatuation is evident here.

Think MLCer, when they are out of crisis, can't believe the things they have done or said
That's why I have kept a diary of his behaviour and words so that one day whether we R or not he will learn what he did and the damage he created. This is not out of revenge but to help him really deal with this when he is on his journey back to himself.

[i can and will cope]

Makes us left behind think they are doing these things for the other person, things they never did for us, when really they are just acting as total opposites.

my h acted total opposite changed the beer he liked that he had drank for twenty  5 years, the soap he hated and wouldnt let me buy when together he now used, he stopped being as clean yuk, his morals totally opposite as he woudnt tolerate people who had affairs thought was wrong

he also change his taste in music he stamped his feet one trime like a little child stating i not talking to you and folded his arms...  my son couldnt bekieve it

so they do do these things and i suppose when you sit and think about it it the same thing in the magazine..

my h when i think about it apologised to me for not giving me a big house (i love my 3 bed semi and we were happy ) he just wanted to hae the best of everythin i think mainly thats what he wants now to have money but he is in worse positionnow than before more debt no home of his own and really not happy with ow,  but thats his problem not mine ...hugs xx

[Disneyme]

I feel for you. That is why at some point I don't think I will stand. I am only 42. My grandfather lived til 97. I can't imagine just being alone. No one to travel with. It is so hard to watch the life I wanted and didn't get but the OW gets what is important to me. 

[PatienceGalore]

WarriorPriestess, I am new to this site, BD was in January. I only recently believe my H is in MLC. Reading your post, I read my H. There was an OW, and the only thing is the screaming at me, I don't have that. But the silences and the non talking and the non sharing of himself emotionally, I have that too. His father was a bully and his mother cannot deal with problems, is very cutting, silly and narrow minded. she does not really listen and I don't believe really cares, only if it impacts on her. So my H is definitely damaged. I did mention it to him to seek help, but nothing doing. He has been kind, cocky, smart, distant, Monster and mean all in turn. Now he is just not there! I am Standing and thank you for sharing a post which gives me GREAT hope. All the LBS I have chatted to on this forum  have been an unbelievable source of support. I wish you the best in the future with your H and children

[Strongwind]

Your testimony was so inspiring...I've been reading all the return stories and yours is the second. Long but good. I wish I had listened to my heart but I was scared and I ended up filing for divorce. It seems as everything including him pushed me in that direction. (I believe there was some pressure from alienator)

It's amazing how these men change...like they have been abducted by aliens and replaced by these monsters and all is left is a shell of who our husband's were.

I've been through a lot in my life but this topped it all so far. The suffering is excruciating. Knowing that the man that use to love you so much is now living with someone else and acting as if he doesn't have any concern for you and what happens. It is as if they are in a cloud and can't see how much pain and anguish they are causing.

My husband was hiding his affair for a while and than one day he just left. Friends, his family and coworkers/employees all helped him do this to me after so many years of marriage excusing his adultery with "well he is not happy" I was the last to know. I think my H was more deceitful than any other H here so far yet he seemed the best of all the men out there. I couldn't believe that I had been so lucky to be with a man who loved me so much he couldn't look at another woman. There are so many variables to my husband's cheating, including a friend that made it worse. I've not only been betrayed by my H but from everyone I use to think was a friend.

Anyway, I want to stand but all the circumstances seem against me. I have so many questions. I use to be a Christian fellowship leader. I studied and taught God's Word for many years but I had been distanced myself for good reasons and I had in a sense become the prodigal daughter for a long time.

Now I have doubts as to what is true. I've studied Chinese Medicine for years and my H really helped me get through school. I owe him a lot but I'm so angry and crushed by his rejection that all I feel hurt and defeated.

What if God doesn't desire for us to be together?  I know God honors marriage and this was definitely the adversary but we have no children and I'm older than my H. Sometimes I feel even cast aside from God b/c i don't feel worthy.  I can't imagine living without my H and the thought of giving my marriage up causes unbearable grief and emptiness. I write on this forum because when I hear from the posts it keeps me from driving myself crazy for a few hours. No one believes that he will ever come back to me and everyone tells me to move on. How can I move one if I can't even take a step forward without remembering something we did together. We have been together 16 years every day of those years. Now I have to pretend he is dead. It seems unreal since I know he is alive and with someone else. Thanks for sharing your story...sorry if I was long winded too :-)

[Disneyme]

I feel the same way. Lost all my friends who want to see him happy. Lost family. I used to have Christmas dinner for 30 people every year for 19 years. Last year it was 8. My dad and grandfather died right before BD, and to add to it my brother and SIL were to sick to one and her parents were away. It hurt so bad. I didn't even want to celebrate.
I think the same thing that God maybe doesn't want us together. Yes it would be great for him o be someone better too, but will he? Trust is lost, bad hings in my head now. I feel if he loved me ever he couldn't have done this. How would I know if he hit bottom and came back that it wasn't just because he has no one else or in trouble and needs me now? Before this site I heard Joel Osteen say over and over if someone left you, God has someone new, better for you. That is confusing with Gid hates divorce. So which is it? I bot even k ow what I hope for. I wish OW would get out of he picture to see what would happen then. I can't compete with a fairy tale.

[alwayshope]

Heard this story of hope today….

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/familylife-today/player/love-renewed-mike-and-pam-calvert-362420.html

Hope it helps some of us out there!

I heard it too... God is good.

[riverbirch]

Alwayshope
 That post is just what I needed today. I wish there was some way for the H to hear it.

[alwayshope]

Alwayshope
 That post is just what I needed today. I wish there was some way for the H to hear it.

Riverbirch - I have those thoughts too... It is so clear to us, isn't it?  As we listen to the stories, it is just crystal clear and we think 'surely he would wake up if he heard this?'.  Unfortunately, as we know, the answer is 'no'.  What will it take?  Goodness gracious, how much more does he need to spiral down and destroy before he hits the bottom, and comes through that tunnel?  It is just so exasperating. 

I struggle so much sometimes, when I hear these stories, I think 'God?  Do you want me to hear this to keep me encouraged to keep praying, etc...?'.  The obvious answer is YES, He wants me to keep praying!  I don't know what the end looks like, but as a Christian, and one who loves my H who is so lost, I MUST pray. 

Take heart, Riverbirch, no matter what, God is with us.  He hears us, He sees us, He has great compassion for us as he feels our pain.  We must surrender daily and look to Him for strength - it is the best thing.

[riverbirch]

Wow.
Your story brought tears to my eyes. I love the stories of the suddenly want to come home.
I am so happy for you.