[With Gods Help!]

Hey thanks shantilly never thought about it like that............it amazes me how this goes full circle, where he was once running away from me and running to o/w hes now running from o/w and towards me lol that must really ZAP o/w's ego lol xxxx

[Bewildered]

WGH

why don't they let go is it because they know we were right all along...................

as if???

If they had morels or were intelligent enough they would never have got involved with a married man ..... so don't even think of the OP as having any ability to be a kind thoughtful caring considerate  etc person  ..  Really what Now!!!!

They don't care about you or anyone but themselves .. we could not take up with a married person .. they didn't even blink for a minute they are very morally weak and selfish people so do not even waste your time thinking about her - she is not someone who you will ever understand - let what will be just BE and let your H take her on - yes listen to what he says but maybe no involvement suggestions or anything she is his mess ..  his to clean up and his dealing with her to live with for the rest of his life (and baby only complicates this) so its got to be his decisions and his behaviour towards her that will ensure its over for ever .. let him sort? it to enable him to know he can live with himself for what he has done to her baby and you .. sounds like H needs more time and you just need to be staying strong and there for him ... and he will hopefully make you proud of him in how he deals with her,  himself and this situ ...........

B x

[StandandDeliver]

JA - something you said made me think (again) how similar the MLC journey is - whenever I doubt that this is what I am facing I see someone elses experience and think "H does exactly that right now!"

Previously he would choose a 'favourite' and concentrate on them for a few weeks than move onto the next one.

We only have 2 kids but H seems incapable of dealing with a) both of them at once  and  b) looking after them on his own - his OW, his mother, his father -someone else has always been there if he has to look after them both (or even just one of them!) for more than an hour or at most 2, and when he returns them he looks stressed and bedraggled.

They are 6 and 2, and they can be tiring because of it, but I have the 2 of them almost all the time and I only look like he does when I haven't had a break from them in 2 weeks and I have WAY more pressures to contend with than he does right now - and unlike him, noone to go home to at night to off-load troubles onto. He spends time with one or the other and leaves the other with someone else. 

[Bewildered]

S&D

yes my H has never had a planned evening out since the week he left now coming up to 2 years with both children and they are in their 20's so really not going to tire him out hey?
Once S joined D who was having a meal with her father but son ate and left whilst his father was in the loo .. d had to say X has had to go e says thanks for the meal - how awful for H hey? But that is what hes used for dinners, lunches, buying them things - not what hes meant to be their for - advice, love, friendship, support, role model etc

I think they can't deal with their children because of the emotions - one at a time is easier but still I feel very hard for them ?

You are doing so well and be proud of yourself and think of yourself and your children's needs and leave him to figure this out for himself ..unfortunately that is what has to happen xx   

[forthetrees]

Interesting article that showed up on yahoo today about happiness and the pursuit of it. Could explain why the MLCer does not find the holy grail.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20110519/sc_livescience/wanttobehappystoptrying

[justkeepmoving]

FTT,
  I really liked the article, very imformative.  I also liked the link to increasing your brain power.  Try the games they're pretty fun. 

[StandandDeliver]

Good article - reminds me of  conversation that H and I had, more than once, in the months before BD (I had no idea he was in MLC!)
He kept telling me I wasn't happy (projection) and I never knew where it was coming from. However, I did say to him that he and I must define happiness differently, because I have no expectation of being "happy" all the time. Happiness is something that comes and goes, it is not constant. I told him I was contented with my life and my family and that includes the times of happiness, the times of stress, the times of difficulty etc.

He seemed annoyed by that response and I was told that he sees it differently and he thinks everyone has the right to be happy. I asked him what constant happiness was supposed to feel like and he had no answer for that.

I remember at the time being deeply frustrated by the conversation...

[wondering]

S & D,

That's really interesting. My H said the same thing around BD and since then that this is all about him pursuing happiness. That everyone had a right to it. That he needs to find it...good luck looking for it. Too bad he doesn't realize it was home with me where it has been for 22 years now.  The strange thing is he has always been a pretty happy person and has had a great life/marriage together with a lot of friends, caribbean vacations and constant laughter, sailing, etc. We have actually had pretty charmed life compared to everyone around us. I think that is why the majority of our friends are in shock and scared that if it could happen to us two it could happen to them.

[forthetrees]

I think there was even an element of jealousy that I like my profession and h does not like what he was/is doing. The jealousy came out as anger at me, "Well, you LIKE YOUR job!"

Even with all the crap in my life, I am still a content person. You´d think Mr. tree would be over the moon with happiness by now seeing as how he has made all the "executive" decisions.

Just shows to go ya- they see our self-confidence as control and seek to run to control their lives not realizing that happiness is a state of mind. According to their parameters, there would be a 0% happiness rate in poor countries. Obviously not true, so there is something else to happiness. Yeah, comes from within. My soap box rant.

[hampc0cv]

When my H left he said basically the same thing.  He said "Don't I deserve to be happy".  I never rally thought about what he said until I read this.  Maybe he is really in MLC.  He also told me He couldn't please me no matter what he did.  I don't know where that came from because i never nagged him or anything.  My daughters even said I didn't nag and complain like a lot of women do.  My SIL coplains and nags and demands all the time and I have never done that.  Where did he come off saying he couldn't make me happy.  I know if I mentioned someting that needed to be done around the house he would say this.