[in it]

Of course i started allowing him to do things his way but then wud get blamed that he had to do
everything.

The difference between you and I is I would FIGHT. I mean I couldn't suggest anything be done differently..I didn't have a brain ...right? So that's when I would fight.

I still did everything...but he was always RIGHT..

[Lovebystanding]

This may sound petty...but  if i placed things in the dishwasher H wud redo it his way.
Gives u an idea as to why I stopped arguing and let him do it his way...his father was the same...very controlling.They always hv to be right!

BTW in it mine too hides how he feels ALL of the time except for his anger.
His job change this year and father's dementia last year was the last straw for him .Everything has always been my fault too.

[Lovebystanding]

A narcissist will escalate in order to keep the LBS’s attention and focus and to make the LBS suffer......this is why I went NC.

BLOG "Monster is not typically a state an MLCer lives in for the entire crisis or even all of Escape & Avoid. Monster is a self-preservation strategy rather than a delight in cruelty. If you recognize these behaviors, but they have been present for an extended uninterrupted period and the motivation seems to be to delight in cruelty, you may be dealing with something more serious than MLC"

If it is more serious than MLC what advise wud u give the LBS ?....wrt to D?
Any thoughts on this?

[in it]

I'm pretty sure this one LOVED the emotional pain he inflicted. I'm glad I m divorced now..it's a personal decision.

BEST ONE he ever made for my best interest...but I think it may have backfired on him..

[Searching4Answers]

A narcissist will escalate in order to keep the LBS’s attention and focus and to make the LBS suffer......this is why I went NC.

Are you referring to a true narcissist or the narcissistic behavior displayed by the MLCer?

[in it]

Well BOTH really..the BEHAVIOR was magnified by the MLC

Nothing was ever done by him without and ulterior motive.

[in it]

A narcissist will escalate in order to keep the LBS’s attention and focus and to make the LBS suffer......this is why I went NC.

His escalation now ( he thinks) is holding onto all of my personal papers. I had requested them back Memorial Day weekend and still haven't gotten them. I've asked for them two other times. Guess what?..I don't need to ask anymore.

Still puzzles me though..kicks me out with the clothes on my back..escorted by Troopers to a wellness center..I get out five hours later and show up at the house..he then drives me in a car and strands me 30 miles from home.

I return two weeks later for my personal papers and clothes I get assaulted...

I get the message. It's pretty clear he wants nothing to do with me..so why not just give me the papers back and have every trace of me gone?

I can answer my own question...CONTROL.

Now I'm NC and plan on STAYING THAT WAY.

[Lovebystanding]

There is a fine line between the behaviour during MLC and prior in some cases.
What i wanted to know is how does one accertain whether the MLcer has both a personality 
disorder and MLC ....since the anger shown as Moster may hv also been there prior to MLC.
Monster is not there always during MLC but someone with a personality disorder cud also be exhibiting the symptoms of MLC.

Depression cud hv been the cause for anger prior to MLC. H had to change jobs and lost his mother
15 yrs earlier with similar behaviour but did not hv the symptoms of MLC like now.

Are those with depression/personality disorders more prone to MLC?

Standing for our marriages is what we want but what are the implications for  a LBS wrt standing when the MLcer also has a personality disorder?



BLOG

"Monster is not typically a state an MLCer lives in for the entire crisis or even all of Escape & Avoid. Monster is a self-preservation strategy rather than a delight in cruelty. If you recognize these behaviors, but they have been present for an extended uninterrupted period and the motivation seems to be to delight in cruelty, you may be dealing with something more serious than MLC"

[in it]

"Monster is not typically a state an MLCer lives in for the entire crisis or even all of Escape & Avoid. Monster is a self-preservation strategy rather than a delight in cruelty.
 If you recognize these behaviors, but they have been present for an extended uninterrupted period and the motivation seems to be to delight in cruelty, you may be dealing with something more serious than MLC"

The delight in cruelty thing seems really to be what I have been dealing with. It's like he's looking for someone to PAY for what's happened for his WHOLE life!

 I really don't think this is a MLC He's suffered some losses he didn't know how to handle and has to blame someone..he can't blame himself then he would have to deal with it!!

This only MAGNIFIED what he already was exhibiting to begin with.

There are men on here who would never even think about being physically violent with a woman. This one is ....so what would anyone's conclusion be?

Whatever I'm dealing with may be far and apart from everyone else. But there's enough here that I can relate to. Thanks for the Blog spot! 

[toughtimes]

I was accused, by my h of abusing him for ten years. I had pms and we would argue, my h was very argumentative and would be like a dog with a bone, if we went out drinking and I had pms the argument would escalate. H would never back down and I guess I didn't either. He told me I was angry everytime I didn't get my own way? I wasn't, I got angry when my h goaded and argued with me when I was low, he was the same when I had post natal depression, although he claims to have made a Herculean effort. We pulled apart when things got difficult rather than pulling together.

I think we all exhibit personality disorder traits at different times. BPD sounds a bit like me when my pms was really severe and I had been out drinking, in my twenties!!! I grew out of the angry outbursts ... Does that make it personality disorder? If I was personality disordered would I be able to hide these traits from my kids or my family or my close friends Or my colleagues? Can you grow out of a personality disorder or does it stay with you forever?

My h was really selfish, he told some pretty heinous lies to avoid me abandoning him and he was pretty nasty at times, he was passive aggressive and didnt like it if he didnt get his own way. Does this meAn he has personality disorder or is he just a bit messed up because of his FOO situation?

I need to do a more learning about personality disorders. Being out of the R is giving me a better perspective on myself and his behaviour, especially as things were so tough in the last couple of years due to his MLC and our circumstances, lots of gaslighting, but I still have a way to go in understanding it.