[i can and will cope]

my h walked away for someone he didnt know either and i cant believe that to this day he had known her a couple of days then said he had to do this within a month, told our son didnt care if he never saw him again?? this all totally out the blue we had holiday planned for same year our regular trip no warning whatsover.

this is the worst pain i have ever felt apart from my dad dying twenty two years ago, so get how you all feel crazy stuff innit ?? x

need to sleep now night night

[in it]

This story I'm telling is about the most incredible one yet.

My friends mothers father met someone on a business trip. She sang him a song about being sick with cancer. He called his wife on the phone and said he HAD to help her.

This wife had 3 children at home ( my friends mother being one of them).

This man ( my friends mothers father) knew her for two hours and threw away more than thirty years of a marriage.

His wife told him not to come home. She divorced him.

 He did come back a year or so later after the woman he met died..at least she was telling the truth.

I remember hearing stories about people going out for a loaf of bread and never coming back..there's just no sense to be made out of some of this.

, told our son didnt care if he never saw him again??

This is one of the cruelest things I've ever seen written. Tell you son to STAY AWAY FROM HIM ALSO.

this is the worst pain i have ever felt apart from my dad dying twenty two years ago, so get how you all feel crazy stuff innit ?? x

You have to LET YOURSELF feel it if you NEVER did. Think about where your life was at at the time that this happened. If H's isn't around let yourself feel it. Most of the time the shock of it all is what numbs the pain.

 Mine was TOTALLY unexpected. If you had to operate like I did being an only child you may have to have handled everything emotional and the details.

If not and you had a support system it may not have been too bad having other people to grieve with. You don't necessarily need to re-live it but if it's possible.. try to acknowledge it.

[Magnite38]

I so relate to this and it pisses me off when I have to talk with h and I have to start from square one again.

Wow then you are in the trenches. I didn't even realize I was doing that to myself! So you are so much further ahead!!  How do you communicate? Do you have to talk face to face?

I have to see h once or twice a week when he picks up the kids. I am hoping soon I can just send the kids out o meet him and I don't have to see him or interact with him at all.  I try not to get into anything deep with him face to face.  I email him if I have things we need to discuss but lately he is such an email monster that I have to stop pretty much all contact.  H is so irrational, I just can't talk with the guy.

[i can and will cope]

my son is only child also and he was SO close to his dad before all this mlc , now doesnt want to see his dad too hurt,  it hurts me also seeing this rift between tem, my h would NEVER have hurt him like this before. 

he keeps texting son now but son wont respond  ,,,that hurts me too.  i think how crazy this is to leave your family after such a long time , they have fsmily at home yet go to see other person ok thats what my h did said she was having a hard time so he rang her after holiday to see she was ok?(she gave him her phone number )

its getting mad now thinking about it again , i know they say ow is a symptom but she knew he was married yet still did that and i really do not like her or him at this moment !!!!!!!

[in it]

its getting mad now thinking about it again , i know they say ow is a symptom but she knew he was married yet still did that and i really do not like her or him at this moment !!!!!!!

Well the line this exow gave him was ; she didn't get involved with "married" men. He fixed that problem divorced me but before two months was up thier relationship was over with anyway. She was an exit affair. He just wanted out.

And that would have been fine ..HAD HE LEFT ME ALONE THE FIRST TIME. But the phone calls, emails, stopping in at work, dropping by where I lived the CONSTANT DRAMA threw me off balance and kept me worried about him.

THAT"s why this NO CONTACT is a God send.

Well MAG that's good stay away from him as much as possible. And an email can be ignored or read and easily not responded to. If he's become abusive print them out and save them. You might be able to have him at least ticketed for harassment or something.

They want things this way then act like we are the problem because we don't want to "play games" anymore. BOO HOO.

[crazyjourney]

Hi

I dont think I mind the contact with my h now, I did have to go NC at times when I was getting dragged into it all and getting hurt but feel I can cope now.

Having said that so far I have been reasonably lucky I havent had to deal with anything really bad.

Contact for me now gives me little insights into h spinning around trying to make himself HAPPY, that thing he cant find and continues to look for, I can tell he is still looking by the crazy things he does.

Ow still bothers me, not because I think she means anything but because of the damage it has caused our marriage, the kind of damage that marriages dont recover from.

She could have been anyone I get that, but thats not the point, my h has tarnished everything that is the point.

Do I blame ow, oh no I blame h, he let it happen, he is a married man and shouldnt have gone there, she is not my concern, he is.

Ooh I am liking this, bit of a vent here for me and it feels good lol.

So NC it is for us and is very good when you need time out, time to get your head together because the mlcer will keep it cycling with them if you let them.

x

[in it]

Vent ..it helps.

I'm not interested in knowing what's going on because it went physically violent for me- I ended up having x-rays. I couldn't care less what's wrong with him.

Do I blame ow, oh no I blame h, he let it happen, he is a married man and shouldnt have gone there, she is not my concern, he is.

And I blame him also...FOR THE INITIAL MESS. But when things went totally nuts like her moving in two weeks after the divorce was final...THAT WAS HER FAULT.

He can cycle himself wherever he wants... I'm done with him

[Magnite38]

I also blame h for everything.  OW is a symptom and definitely has a PD of some sort and h will see this sometime soon. . I have some angry with h and staying away from him is good for everyone.  My kids need to try to form some kind of relationship with their dad and me being involved doesn't help right now. H has yet to take D1 out but he seems to be trying somewhat with the older kids. 

Crazyjourney- I hope one day soon I will be so detached from h's crisis that I can have contact again.  Time heals and that is definitely what I need...so much stronger with NC.

[calamity]

This about contact from Heart Tattoo today:

Thanks for the welcome, Musica.  I was glad to see your recent post & catch up with your story.  While much is the same with most of us, there are those unique characteristics & your H's hanging about must be such a challenge.  Mine is almost the opposite.  I see so little of H, that I still have no idea how to relate to him when I do see him & dealing with this new dimension of our R is disorienting.  I got to such a stronger place when I didn't see him for three months.  My IC says though, that while I might feel better when I don't see him, I will be doing better when I can see him & not have the interactions sending me up & down.  That has been the challenge of our last encounter.

[Magnite38]

Hey calamity, I so get that. .  I think with h seeing the kids all the time, I will always have an opportunity to speak with h, if I want.  Again it is detaching and maybe you need to feel his crisis a bit to help detach.  I think each time h gets me cycling I detach a bit more.  I enjoy my NC but know to heal I need to experience what is going on and not hide from it.  I know with LBS who have vanishers healing will be very different. I think my h would be a vanisher if it weren't for the kids.