[in it]

Although the heart icon may not be appropriate..maybe that and a mirror would works also.

No contact sounds severe by most people's standards. But if you really need a break from all of this drama, games, and insanity this is the only way to that I've found to get it.

I understand that the people on here with Vanishers are in pain also. It's hard for me to understand right about now.

I guess I never had anyone leave unexpectedly and create a loss except for my dad when he died twenty years ago.

 I had only left the hospital for 15 minutes when the Dr called to tell me he was gone. No warning that was going to happen; wasn't told he was that sick.

And although I had just gotten married within that last year to that Mlcer I was dealing with he kept telling me NOT TO CRY.

So I never really got to grieve the loss of my father. I'm working on that also and keeping his spirit and memory alive.

He wasn't perfect either- his behavior caused my mother great pain at one time.

[Braveheart]

I found that going through all this MLC crap dredged up everything that maybe I hadn't properly grieved about in the past or had lost. Even though mine is a Vanisher, there still would be plenty of excuses to contact her, such as updates on the kids, joint assets/maintenance etc...but I decided early on any contact with her was just ripping off a scab, I figured I'd already been through enough, the less I knew about her new life the better. I highly reccomend NC, the longer it goes on, the easier it gets...

[in it]

I found that going through all this MLC crap dredged up everything that maybe I hadn't properly grieved about in the past or had lost

That's it Braveheart..

Think about your life and what you can learn about yourself and what's happened in it. It might be painful to admit some of those things to yourself but If you've lived through this ....you'll live through that too.

NC definitely has a great deal of benefits.

[starrett]

 I also went NC, with mine,, it has help me, every time I talk to her I was ripped into again and again sometimes I wonder if it wasthe right thing to do, but I know when I do t alk to her I am in pain all over again

[Braveheart]

I also went NC, with mine,, it has help me, every time I talk to her I was ripped into again and again sometimes I wonder if it wasthe right thing to do, but I know when I do t alk to her I am in pain all over again

That's it in a nutshell. On another note, what your friend was trying to tell you in a crude way about " the best way to get over a woman" is that you have all your recollections of happiness tied up with your X, you need to create new ones that make you realize that you can be happy again without her.

I have been out to many dances, charity galas and parties, but never hooked up with anyone else, but just getting out on my own and having other people (men and women) be glad of my company makes me realize there is a life without my X. I never realized how much of myself I'd submerged in my married life until this last year or so......It does get better.

[in it]

That's what socializing does for me also.

If you still like people in your life you are going to be just fine. I think the people who may have a tendency to become so embittered that they shut everyone else out have a harder time with this kind of challenge.

That's why NC to me seems rude or harsh for me to do the first time around. I didn't want to be "rude" to the MLcer or give the impression I didn't care about what was going on with him. But the stuff he said WOW. and OWWWWW!!!!

I'm just not into the pain of all that this time. He can come to his own conclusions about me not talking, emailing or any other form of communication. I sent one last very clear email and haven't been bothered since.

Going this long without contact is kind of like making deposits in the bank and I feel like with one interaction it may deplete everything I have saved up for.

 I feel stronger and better everyday. It's like anything..in my case I was somewhat "addicted" to the mistreatment because I didn't have a clue what it was like to be treated with respect.

Now I'm giving MYSELF the respect. It's going to take a while to heal due to the total disbelief of all of it being a reality..but it is. And it's a NEW reality and after all the time I spent trying to "make" it work it is difficult to come to terms with.

Everyone may backslide have a moment where we think "Sh!T! They reeled me in again"

 This is where the trick of the head space and memories come in for me. The triggers are fading..and when they show up I just turn them around into something else. SOMETHING POSITIVE just for me.

Humor REALLY helps! I love it when a thread gets Hijacked and funny stuff gets said about whatever!

 And by the way I don't consider this "MY thread" it's open to anyone who wants to share something. I'd like to keep a focus on the No Contact topic but you never know when someone might just post something that's a "light bulb" for someone else.

[Braveheart]

That's what socializing does for me also.

If you still like people in your life you are going to be just fine. I think the people who may have a tendency to become so embittered that they shut everyone else out have a harder time with this kind of challenge.

That's why NC to me seems rude or harsh for me to do the first time around. I didn't want to be "rude" to the MLcer or give the impression I didn't care about what was going on with him. But the stuff he said WOW. and OWWWWW!!!!

I'm just not into the pain of all that this time. He can come to his own conclusions about me not talking, emailing or any other form of communication. I sent one last very clear email and haven't been bothered since.

Going this long without contact is kind of like making deposits in the bank and I feel like with one interaction it may deplete everything I have saved up for.

 I feel stronger and better everyday. It's like anything..in my case I was somewhat "addicted" to the mistreatment because I didn't have a clue what it was like to be treated with respect.

Now I'm giving MYSELF the respect. It's going to take a while to heal due to the total disbelief of all of it being a reality..but it is. And it's a NEW reality and after all the time I spent trying to "make" it work it is difficult to come to terms with.

Everyone may backslide have a moment where we think "Sh!T! They reeled me in again"

 This is where the trick of the head space and memories come in for me. The triggers are fading..and when they show up I just turn them around into something else. SOMETHING POSITIVE just for me.

Humor REALLY helps! I love it when a thread gets Hijacked and funny stuff gets said about whatever!

 And by the way I don't consider this "MY thread" it's open to anyone who wants to share something. I'd like to keep a focus on the No Contact topic but you never know when someone might just post something that's a "light bulb" for someone else.

I just have a mantra that now just pops into my head when ever I have doubts, "This a woman who left even her child behind to be with some guy she met on the internet".... it works for me.

[Magnite38]

"Going this long without contact is kind of like making deposits in the bank and I feel like with one interaction it may deplete everything I have saved up for."

I so relate to this and it pisses me off when I have to talk with h and I have to start from square one again.

Braveheart - crazy how they can leave for someone they don't even know.  My h walked away from his 3 month old baby and never looked back. H knew OW for  no more then 2 months.    No respect for this guy.

[in it]

I so relate to this and it pisses me off when I have to talk with h and I have to start from square one again.

Wow then you are in the trenches. I didn't even realize I was doing that to myself! So you are so much further ahead!!  How do you communicate? Do you have to talk face to face?

[in it]

The peace of of this topic can bring is incredible.

 I thought about what I've just been through tonight and I'm so glad I don't have him around to deal with. I can cry and have a beer and do whatever I want. If I was still with him I'd have to bottle all of that up.

Of course I'm one step further..I'm out of the house.