[panda]

Can someone give me examples of replay activities when there is not an OW.

My wife is in REPLAY since September 2011, now it is two bloody years. Bomb drop was after New Year 2013 when she refuse sex with me. I wait for her month and a half and then ask her what is wrong with her ?

What she did from September 2011. to New Year 2013 ? She escape from home whenever she can, her mother illness and father illness she use as alibi for more escape from home. She gather with younger people from previous firm where she work, they working honorary furniture. Also she start to contact people from her youth. Intensify communication with them, she made FB account at beginning of 2012. Also she become workaholic. And she often take our dog to hiking. She try to do stuff which "make her happy" and escape from reality.

That all  was not enough to resist incoming shadow. So, EA start over bloody FB, she dig some guy when she had 16 and he had 22. They see each other only a 10 days maybe when he was on vacation on the coast in year 1982.

Searching,

My H started up snooker, then wanted to try golf.  Then he went camping.  Bought a new car.  Bought a new laptop, IPad, new smart tv,....etc  - the list goes on.  Wanted to go out shopping.  Bought loads of things for the house and almost HAD TO SPEND MONEY. Oh, had a lot of alcohol also. Significant withdrawal emotionally from family activities.  He's been like this since Nov/Dec 2011.
And then, I guess when that didn't work, OW was waiting.

[in it]

Pretty much the same thing happened to me Panda ...

[Searching4Answers]

Also, H did break up with OW recently but says the depression has nothing to do with that and that it started before the break up; OW withdraw last  about 4 - 6 weeks right? So I should continue to look at what changes.

He is right, he had covert depression. They use affairs as drugs to escape from reality and depression. Now he haven't any more "drug" = OW and his depression is now deeper and more overt.

Albatross,

Can this lead him to liminality? He is still showing relpay activities minus the OW. Currently, he can't stand to be at home, he can't be still/relax, he sleep is being affected. He does talk to me about him processing all of the BS that he has done in the last 8-9 months. He is looking to me for reassurances because he knows how screwed up he is feeling inside; he is trying to reconcile his behavior with himself. This all seems to be (dare I say it) progress to me. I am definitely in new territory. 

[Albatross]

Albatross,

Can this lead him to liminality? He is still showing relpay activities minus the OW. Currently, he can't stand to be at home, he can't be still/relax, he sleep is being affected. He does talk to me about him processing all of the BS that he has done in the last 8-9 months. He is looking to me for reassurances because he knows how screwed up he is feeling inside; he is trying to reconcile his behavior with himself. This all seems to be (dare I say it) progress to me. I am definitely in new territory.

Can be only midlife transition. But if he show escape & avoid features, so far I see he does, I am afraid that maybe he have affair under the wings. EA or PA or both. In such a case You can expect soon bomb drop. My W was in REPLAY whole year before EA.

[Searching4Answers]

Albatross,

Can this lead him to liminality? He is still showing relpay activities minus the OW. Currently, he can't stand to be at home, he can't be still/relax, he sleep is being affected. He does talk to me about him processing all of the BS that he has done in the last 8-9 months. He is looking to me for reassurances because he knows how screwed up he is feeling inside; he is trying to reconcile his behavior with himself. This all seems to be (dare I say it) progress to me. I am definitely in new territory.

Can be only midlife transition. But if he show escape & avoid features, so far I see he does, I am afraid that maybe he have affair under the wings. EA or PA or both. In such a case You can expect soon bomb drop. My W was in REPLAY whole year before EA.

I am still cautious about OW seeing that the break up was recent (2 weeks ago). I figure there are 2 options: he progresses with the depression and moves forward in the tunnel or he runs back to OW. Either way I will continue to take care of myself.

[PatienceGalore]

I would agree S4A. My H is in a weird place. yesterday I heard his feelings were dead, today he was in therapy saying he wants to make things better? And wants to attend therapy to heal himself and then wants therapy with me?? Go figure...what to think about this? i am being very careful not to jump to conclusions, just have a little glimmer of hope that he may start to peek out?

[Searching4Answers]

I would agree S4A. My H is in a weird place. yesterday I heard his feelings were dead, today he was in therapy saying he wants to make things better? And wants to attend therapy to heal himself and then wants therapy with me?? Go figure...what to think about this? i am being very careful not to jump to conclusions, just have a little glimmer of hope that he may start to peek out?

It is kind of weird; you get use to the replay activities and then they switch gears on you  I can deal with replay so long as there isn't an OW involved. Still a long way to go but I am hopeful that OW is gone for good. My H is in a weird place too. He is definitely noticing that I am not falling apart anymore, I think it kind of scares him.

[PatienceGalore]

OW is not there. There must be a stage of MLC with no OP, and where does that fall in? Where does that leave the MLCer? more vulnerable, ready for another OP, trying to heal and come out of tunnel? It is interesting really, but so traumatic for us!

[Searching4Answers]

OW is not there. There must be a stage of MLC with no OP, and where does that fall in? Where does that leave the MLCer? more vulnerable, ready for another OP, trying to heal and come out of tunnel? It is interesting really, but so traumatic for us!

At least for me having no OW on the scene is less destructive. Still makes it a difficult time as I watch H struggle and know that I can't do anything for him. He has been able to verbalize and share alot of what he is going through. He is very aware of the drepression but hasn't been able to figure the root cause of it. All I can do at this point is be there when he wants to talk and remain strong for both of us.

[PatienceGalore]

Yes, and t mind yourself too. Being detached means you don't get as hurt as before or at least, you bounce back quicker...