[Albatross]

I would agree S4A. My H is in a weird place. yesterday I heard his feelings were dead, today he was in therapy saying he wants to make things better? And wants to attend therapy to heal himself and then wants therapy with me?? Go figure...what to think about this? i am being very careful not to jump to conclusions, just have a little glimmer of hope that he may start to peek out?

It is kind of weird; you get use to the replay activities and then they switch gears on you  I can deal with replay so long as there isn't an OW involved. Still a long way to go but I am hopeful that OW is gone for good. My H is in a weird place too. He is definitely noticing that I am not falling apart anymore, I think it kind of scares him.

On the beginning MLC, MLCers gradually sink into chronic depression, how they progress they become angrier and angrier. We as spouses fallow them sinking into depression to, we do not notice that because it is slowly and gradually. People instinctively react on behavior of others. So, we backhand their anger to them. In time they start to blame us for their behavior.  Like in war, is not important who start it if both sides doing bad things.

When they do BD we fall appart and they are on high narcissism on hormones of infatuation and adrenaline. MLCers wanna us see pathetic, worthless and weak, because they then can stay in REPLAY and blame us for their misery ! So, we have to work on self to back our balance, natural state, before our MLC spouse start with MLC and become even better then that. MLT is such a thing for improvement.

When they stuck as junkies in REPLAY in EA or PA, or both and they still are miserable and see us how we become stronger and better in time and they become weaker and worst they have to be concerned that they can lose us ! Otherwise if we stuck in own pit or tunnel we actually prolong their MLC !

So, that can push them into liminality. Our strength ! Also our unconditional love even in extreme situation. And they are incapable to love nobody !
I read on one site this: "Your MLC spouse will test You to the extreme limits !"  Means how strong You are and do You really love them !

Also very important is that nobody can change nobody except in one case and that is: "If You change self to become better person, people around You will become better instinctively !"

But Buddha said:  "You Can win a thousand times a thousand men in war, but Only that who conquers himself is the greatest warrior". Means it is hardest thing changing self to become better person.

[Searching4Answers]

On the beginning MLC, MLCers gradually sink into chronic depression, how they progress they become angrier and angrier. We as spouses fallow them sinking into depression to, we do not notice that because it is slowly and gradually. People instinctively react on behavior of others. So, we backhand their anger to them. In time they start to blame us for their behavior.  Like in war, is not important who start it if both sides doing bad things.

When they do BD we fall appart and they are on high narcissism on hormones of infatuation and hormones. MLCers wanna us see pathetic, worthless and weak, because they then can stay in REPLAY and blame us for they misery ! So, we have to work on self to back in our balance, natural state before our MLC spouse start with MLC and become even better then that. MLT is such a thing for improvement.

When they stuck as junkies in REPLAY in EA or PA, or both and they still are miserable and to see us how we become stronger and better in time and they become weaker and worst they have to be concerned that they can lose us !

So, that can push them into liminality. Our strength ! Also our unconditional love even in extreme situation. I read on one site this: "Your MLC spouse will test You to the extreme limits !"  Means how strong You are and do You really love them !

Very interesting.............H said that the depression started when he realized how much he was hurting me. He pretty much fell apart when I told him that I was done with him. While we were talking about separating he was commenting on how I was so strong, wasn't I worried about things, I told him no I wasn't worried anymore, I couldn't control things and wasn't going to try to anymore. I have come to accept life for what it is. I told him that it has nothing to do with how I feel about him and everything to do with how I feel about myself. Maybe he is entering liminality 

Thanks Albatross!

[PatienceGalore]

Thank you Albatross, I like your answer. as we have similar timelines, I will let you know how this developes...it is becoming interesting, it is changing, from the plateau. It does not mean he will come back, but it means it is changing!

[Searching4Answers]

Thank you Albatross, I like your answer. as we have similar timelines, I will let you know how this developes...it is becoming interesting, it is changing, from the plateau. It does not mean he will come back, but it means it is changing!

PatienceGalore,

I just realized that we have similiar BD's; mine was December 2012. Looking back I could see signs of MLC beginning a 1 -1 1/2 earlier.

[PatienceGalore]

And I go to 2007!

[Searching4Answers]

And I go to 2007!

It was so gradual that I had to really think back about it; I wonder if it could have been longer than 1 - 1 1/2 years.

[Albatross]

What IMO really scare my wife was that kids and myself actually CAN live and survive without her ! She as co-dependent wanna be very important and irreplaceable ! Control freak. When she was in deep overt depression she tell me in one occasion: "You don't need me anymore, now I can go..." But that was said on very sad and pathetic way.

[Searching4Answers]

What IMO really scare my wife was that kids and myself actually CAN live and survive without her ! She as co-dependent wanna be very important and irreplaceable ! Control freak. When she was in deep overt depression she tell me in one occasion: "You don't need me anymore, now I can go..." But that was said on very sad and pathetic way.

I have had a similiar situation; H told me that I didn't need him for anything, in sad and pathetic tone also.

[toughtimes]

My H is high energy replay, looking good, sounding good etc... He couldn't care less about me. Not a hint of anything positive towards me, all communication is simply nice monster or monster. Only ever communicate through email about the kids or legal process. It's excruciating.
Should I try and step up my communication in order to try and pave the way? He sees me once a week but rarely even looks at me. We have polite convo about kids school or health but nothing beyond that. H seems to hate me still, even after 18 months. If this was normal break up he would be over the hate and anger by now (that's assuming he had reason to hate me and be angry with me.)

[Albatross]

Jung often compares shadow and anima/animus with each other.
"The confrontation with the shadow is less difficult than the confrontation with the anima/animus."

"The shadow provokes fear; anima and animus arouse panic."

About Christiana Morgan, the patient discussed in the Vision Seminars, Jung gives the following ornate description:

“She is divorced from her shadow, and because of that her animus has married the shadow and gone to hell. For that gives the animus power to behave as he wants to behave ... If you want to control your anima or animus, you have to bring the shadow close to consciousness and so liberate it from anima of animus possession. If consciousness goes without a connection with the shadow, then violation of the blood occurs, that is, people live beyond their means, they live in an unnatural imaginary way, above their own heads […]”