[summer progress]

Here is a great article on Moving Towards Wholeness:

http://www.lessons4living.com/moving_towards_wholeness.htm

[Bewildered]

Great Article Summer Progress as it centres the LBS as to the situation the MLCer is in and why?

B x

[Dandy Lion]

http://www.lessons4living.com/moving_towards_wholeness.htm

Excellent articles, in fact I read every page on the site............thanks Summer for sharing 

[Dandy Lion]

http://www.peace.ca/survivalpapers.htm

Don't know if anyone has every added this link before but I found it an interesting read.

[nlovemyfamily]

Can anyone translate this psychological expose?  Way too academic for me to understand.  Can anyone dummy it down for me?

Thanks.

[Dandy Lion]

nlovemyfamily

I am not the person to ask for a translation.........I have trouble writing my own threads and that is on  good day! 

What I can give you is a link to a preview of the book.  I found the preview very interesting, in fact I am considering purchasing the book myself.

http://www.oPen!$bn.com/preview/0919123341/

[Heart to Heart]

Thank you for posting this article.  While it is a bit difficult reading, it certainly follows RCR's advice.  The portion that I highlighted was: "Norman did not choose the hero’s journey.  It chose him.  He would avoid it if he could.  But something in Norman demands the journey and he us obliged to live it out whether he likes it or not. Norman is gripped by an inner imperative that must be allowed to run its course."  And:  "Part of the problem leading up to a breakdown is that some of the functions have been neglected, they finally demand to be recognized.  That’s painful. It’s usual then to project the cause of the pain onto somebody else." 

What is most frustrating to me is to understand the process, knowing that he doesn't; and yet we are not supposed to mention midlife crisis or try to explain to them what is happening.   Understanding the process is a double-edged sword.  It leads to compassion for the MLCer, hope and patience...and yet it keeps me from totally moving on.

[kikki]

Dandy - thanks for posting.  This is really interesting.  I'm keeping it marked unread, as I'm going back in 'bites' to read.
Had a look at the book.  The reasons for the crisis are really interesting. 

[Phoenix]

Hi All,
A friend just sent this information to me and some (a lot??) of it reminds me of the MLCer and/or OW/OM.

Sociopath? Malignant Personality? I realize this seems extreme, BUT I must admit I recognize a good deal of the behaviors. Is it possible for people to go through stages of being these things or having (hopefully temporary) sociopathic characteristics or have MLCers been covering up a bigger psychological issue for years?  Hmm...Creepy.
Phoenix

"Profile of the Sociopath
This summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning

Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices . The end justifies the means .

Shallow Emotions

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency

Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle

Other Related Qualities:

Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian
Secretive
Paranoid
Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
Conventional appearance
Has an emotional need to justify and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
Incapable of real human attachment to another
Unable to feel remorse or guilt
Extreme narcissism and grandiose
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:

These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

[kikki]

Thanks for posting Phoenix - interesting.
I too recognise a lot of those behaviours in my MLCer.  As it is a transitional crisis and part of the shadow side (and 180 degree personality change), if they move through the process as they should, these behaviours should go.
If they remain stuck, then I guess the behaviours would remain for life.