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Author Topic: MLC Monster Resources: About MLC

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MLC Monster Re: Resources: About MLC
#40: February 08, 2011, 01:20:09 AM
Mermaid

Shortly after H moved out in November 2009 he told me that he had seen a counsellor at one of the colleges he visits through work.  He said it made him uncomfortable because he hated the thought of someone invading his private hidden feelings and thoughts from way back and he said it was wrong as he didn't want to discuss his marriage with anyone. Why attend then?

He visited this person twice and he did volunteer some information to me.  He was told that he had had 'an unnaturally strong/close relationship with his mother'!!! It never appeared that way to me. This counsellor also told him that he needed to make his mind up who we wanted and to act like a man and let me go if he didn't want to be with me. Also that his OW was NOT who he wanted to be with even though  he couldn't see that (and still can't I may add).  He told me that eventually 'she had given up on him' because she didn't understand him, and couldn't work him out. (I wonder why???)

Needless to say he never went back to see her again.
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Glimmer - To shine with a faint light
A vague understanding, A remote possiblilty of hope.
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#41: February 11, 2011, 08:31:36 AM
Quote from: Glimmer on February 08, 2011, 01:20:09 AM
He told me that eventually 'she had given up on him' because she didn't understand him, and couldn't work him out. (I wonder why???)

Do you mean the counsellor?
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#42: February 11, 2011, 01:02:11 PM
Sorry Mermaid

Yes, the counsellor gave up on him because she couldn't understand him.  I don't think anyone does to be honest.
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Glimmer - To shine with a faint light
A vague understanding, A remote possiblilty of hope.
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#43: February 11, 2011, 01:51:07 PM
Not even you, and certainly not himself.

These crises cannot be dealt with by a regular counsellor trying to get the MLCer to decide... they feel something is wrong, and try to do things to feel better, but they can't. It's not a cognitive process.
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#44: February 12, 2011, 07:15:39 AM
Just catching up on this thread.  My H fits this to a T!  Overachiever, all that.   I have gone back over what I know about his childhood and the way he was raised to try to figure out what could have triggered his MLC.  The best I can figure (because his childhood was good for the most part) is emotionally (and then physically) distant parents.  They have been like that as long as I have known them. 

H's brother didn't wait until midlife to have a crisis.  He has been emotionally immature his entire adult life, not able to keep a job or a marriage together.  Funny, my H can see the emotional immaturity in his brother (commented on it very recently) but CANNOT see it in himself.  Guess that is typical MLC.

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Re: Resources: About MLC
#45: February 12, 2011, 12:27:34 PM
Another article about the causes, effects and solutions for midlife. This article focussed on anhedonia and alexithymia.

http://www.utm.edu/staff/mikem/ketsdevriessleepwalkers.htm
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#46: February 12, 2011, 01:27:56 PM
Well, this summed up my Beloved to a T. I'd love to send it to him or his boss but know that wouldn't do a speck of good. Wished it had been more positive re: outcome. Thanks for sharing.

What really bothers me is why work had to take over and be more important than love, family, living..that's all he is interested in and certainly has left behind any of the things that he used to enjoy.
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« Last Edit: February 12, 2011, 01:29:31 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#47: February 13, 2011, 03:07:42 AM
Work is more important because they know how to succeed professionally or academically, but don't know how to manage intimate relationships, part of themselves has not been developed.
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#48: February 13, 2011, 04:49:20 AM
Thank you SO much for that link. It described my H very well- not expressing emotions, but rather having bodily symptoms. For those not inclined to read the whole article, the end describes ways out of the numb pit that they are in:

change careers, return to a former hobby, start a new hobby, do volunteer work, work with younger people, form new friendships with different types of people, have an affair or get divorced.

So, forming a friendship with a younger affair down type of person and working on your lying skills might just fill the bill- SARCASM.

The scary part of the article was that if these folks don´t address the numbness in constructive ways, it affects their longevity.

We can only hope that our spouses choose a constructive way our of the morass.

Cyber hug,
FTT
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Re: Resources: About MLC
#49: February 16, 2011, 07:07:05 AM
Those Aren't Fighting Words, Dear.
by Laura Munson

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?_r=4&em


Midlife as a Rite of Passage
Thoughts by Bill Roberts about his book
Crossing the Soul's River: A Rite of Passage for Men

http://www.menweb.org/crossoul.htm
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« Last Edit: February 16, 2011, 07:09:30 AM by Still »
H43, M44
M 22 years
T  23 years
3 Kids
Crisis began 4/08
Divorced 2/13
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