[xyzcf]

I read this too this morning and it caused me to cry....but also to have some hope that perhaps something like this might be going through his head..and if so, his pain is worse than mine because I know that I can open my arms for him anytime...and that's the danger for me perhaps...way, way too forgiving.

Perhaps that's why God has taken him so far out of my life..so that he can work on himself..and if he does return, it will not be a half baked cake...but someone who is ready to enter into a true partnership..and that I make myself care enough about myself, that I would never accept anything less.

[Mitzpah]

I read it too, and it made me sad because I don't see my husband at that point yet, in fact I begin to wonder if his conscience bothers him that much. I pray for it, but I see no real progress at all

[LoveMeMyself]

Just read this and I now have big, big tears on the brim of my eyes about to spill over........and I'm at work!  Thank goodness I am alone right now.  I feel such a heaviness in my heart and a gloom hanging over me.  I wish for this to be my love as well but I truly don't see this in him.  He was/is a very good man but he's treating me as his "ex wife" (his words) so I do not feel that he will ever come back to me.  I do not want to let go and give up on my hope for us but it is so very dim right now.  My prayers for every single one of us here in hopes that one day our hopes and dreams will come true.  Here's to more happy endings!

[loveyourenemies]

Huge tears....     as I was reading this I did identify with some of what he said, when my XH came back in Sept last year, he too told me how he felt like he wanted to return so many times, but how could he? after all he had done? all the pain he had caused? so that was more of the reason he stayed gone longer....

What an amazing letter. I love rejoice marriage ministeries. I actually bought his book about the Prodigal and his experience while in MLC, pretty good read.

[Bewildered]

Experts: Middle Age is Depressing
Midlife Crisis

According to a comprehensive study of data from 80 countries, researchers at Britain's Warwick University and America's Dartmouth College have confirmed what people in their forties have known for years, middle age is indeed truly miserable. Researchers discovered that "for both men and women the probability of depression peaks around 44 years of age. In the US they found a significant difference between men and women with unhappiness reaching a peak at around 40 years of age for women and 50 years of age for men. "University of Warwick Economist Professor Andrew Oswald said:

    "Some people suffer more than others but in our data the average effect is large. It happens to men and women, to single and married people, to rich and poor, and to those with and without children. Nobody knows why we see this consistency."

    "What causes this apparently U-shaped curve, and its similar shape in different parts of the developed and even often developing world, is unknown. However, one possibility is that individuals learn to adapt to their strengths and weaknesses, and in mid-life quell their infeasible aspirations. Another possibility is that cheerful people live systematically longer. A third possibility is that a kind of comparison process is at work in which people have seen similar-aged peers die and value more their own remaining years. Perhaps people somehow learn to count their blessings."

    "It looks from the data like something happens deep inside humans. For the average person in the modern world, the dip in mental health and happiness comes on slowly, not suddenly in a single year. Only in their 50s do most people emerge from the low period. Perhaps realizing that such feelings are completely normal in midlife might even help individuals survive this phase better."

Scientists have only recently begun to tackle middle age issues with the same vigor as the physiological changes of other periods. The changes of puberty and adolescence have been well documented, in part because the changes are so evident--even on an individual level. However only through studying large numbers of people, as was this study, do the dramatic patterns of middle age appear. Charting happiness shows a "U-shaped curve" with relative highs at the beginning of life (the joys of youth) and at the end of life (the golden years), but with a very clear low period during middle age.

The research was aimed at identifying unhappiness patterns but it was not structured to pinpoint causes leaving researchers to hypothesize why midlife is so darn tough. One of theories is that middle age begins with the realization that one won't achieve all of one's aspirations and then ends after "seeing their fellow middle-aged peers begin to die" therefore kicking off a period where they value their own remaining years and embrace life once more. If true, this would explain why people who express gratitude and people who are goal-oriented (especially so-called "self-concordant" goals) generally record higher happiness levels.

Another contributing cause could be the large number of life changes that can happen during this period. In the span of just a decade individuals can experience empty nest, elder care/loss of parent, divorce/marital issues, forced job change, financial pressure, menopause/andropause, and possibly serious illness. This is also the time that looking in the mirror can highlight the effects that the passage of time has had on our appearance. We might have the psychological strength to handle one or two of these but the cumulative effect of too many of them might simply be too much.

The good news, and this was true across almost all 80 countries in the study, is that if you make it to aged 70 and are still physically fit, your are on average as "happy and mentally healthy as a 20-year old."

B xx

[OldPilot]

if you make it to aged 70 and are still physically fit, your are on average as "happy and mentally healthy as a 20-year old."

Great I only have another 13 years to go'

[Bewildered]

OP

As you are surviving this horror of MLC I think you will get a telegram (or by them a 'tweet or e-mail') from The President !

Bx

[faithled]

These articles have been sooooo hopeful to me; very healing.  My H recently told our teen boys that he has moved in with OW.  We are just awaiting H giving my lawyer a proper business valuation next week.
     I am going to keep reviewing these articles when I feel down.

Faithled

[Mermaid]

Thanks for these links, Bewildered and Still. Insightful, and helpful. It's good to get perspective on all this. It's not about us, it's about them.

[Still]

Someone forwarded this to me. The author is unknown, but it was a pleasant excerpt.



Thinking,
The wall will come tumbling down when he's ready for it to crumble. Be a
friend, that's all he's looking for right now. Friendship is the foundation to a
stronger relationship and yours is turning around a bit. Continue to drop those
crumbs.


He's starting to reconnection w/old friends. Good first step for him. He's
starting the end of his journey. He's still a bit in replay, depression and
withdrawal. He's still got a ways to go, but he's 3/4 of the way through his
crisis. Don't try to figure out where he's at. It's very hard to do this when you
are so very close.


Eventually he will reconnect w/you. You will be the last one for this.
Remember, you are the first that he disconnects from, therefore you will be the last
for reconnection. While in mlc, everything is backwards and/or mirror image.
Nothing is as it appears. Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland a bit.


Don't worry about him and who he is reconnecting with at this time. Everything
he's doing is very normal for a mlcer who is attempting to find his way out of
the tunnel. Be patient w/him, the situation and above all else please be
patient w/yourself. Have faith in what you've accomplished thus far.