[OldPilot]

Thanks LGO
this helps a lot....how long ago did you do this?

Butterfly & Buggy, wait for the whole story.

This was in Nov 08. 1 month after I found out about the A, and right after I threw him out the first time. It is all in the 1st post of the my story link at the bottom of my sig.

My question to you is why do you think this helped?

What do you think it did to the long term MLC aspects of this sich?

I will get to that in a minute. First I will relate the fall out of my exposure.

In the month between my discovery and tossing him out, H was gaslighting...I was falling for it...I really thought I might be nuts. It was so surreal, both of us acting totally out of character. I am usually Laid Back Lucy, not then. I have shared a lot of this w/ HB, and she never misses a chance to tease me on  my spy skills...rather my lack of them! If I was a spy, I'd be dead. This really brought out monster.

The next day, I received a nasty text from H, asking me what did I think I was doing? 

[JustFine&Dandy]

Fascinating topic!  For the life of me, when BD happened (BD happened when I confronted H because I discovered his affair) I could not figure out his reaction!  He was so smug and defiant, like he really was entitled to this!  I expected remorse and embarrassment, but that was not the case.

At the beginning, and especially when H stayed with his brother for a week, I did tell some friends and my immediate family.  My head was swirling, and I really needed support.  At one point, I was almost ready to contact a few key members of H's family.  I felt that they would try to talk some sense into H (as if THAT is even possible). I talked to my IC about exposure, and she said the fewer people that know the better.  She said especially family members should not be told because that will create more guilt and shame, making it more difficult for the MLCer to return...

[Patience]

Interesting discussion.  I don't have much time right now to add to it, but I will say some of what you posted resonates with me LG.  The one thing I absolutely knew was that because he is having a MLC, exposure would not make any difference to him, even exposure to our kids.  He doesn't really have any family I could call on for help so that was out.  He recently told me it was over.  I don't know what caused it to end, but I suspect OW was starting to be pushy just as I was visually and verbally demonstrating some great inner strength.   He has mentioned telling others he won't be controlled.  A friend suggested to me that maybe she was looking for a commitment from him before she ended her own marriage.  Silly woman.  She doesn't know that an MLCer won't commit or be controlled.  At least my MLCer won't.  That has always been my one advantage.  I know about MLC, and I know him    She also doesn't realize she's in the midst of her own MLC. 

I do know that she used some emotional blackmail with him when the affair was first exposed. 

[hurt01]

What happens when the affair is exposed ,( Flaunted ) . H living with OW? I have had no indecation even after all these months H and OW are not happy.

The affair has been public since Feb 10.

Any indecation how long before the mask starts to crack.

[justasking]

My H lives with OW now although he lived at home for 2 months post bomb.

During that time OW tightened the noose and H confusion was evident as he swirled around between the old and the new. A number of times in that  8 weeks he said he would leave and then didn't. No pushing from me at that time. I am sure OW was a leader in those weeks and his fog and confusion eventually led him to leave under her influence.

Reflecting on those weeks in my opinion H wasn't sure he should go but OW had her claws in him. At times he was even nice and loving towards me!

Eventually the promise of new love and adventure won. Like all MLCers he is now depressed and sad in his 'new' life.

Hurt

There is no time frame for the cracking of the mask as each are different. But you know it is a mask.........

[Butterfly]

I have not publicly mentioned my h's OW to anyone. If someone knows, he told them, or someone saw them out. The relationship continues, but he didn't tell anyone about her personally. One of her friends leaked the story accidentally to H's sister. He brought her over to introduce her, but she got upset about some comment and they left. Only stayed 5 minutes. His sister jokingly said," What  are you doing with him?" she got upset and they left. It was meant as a brother/ sister joke.

The only other intro she got was to H's dtr. When they accidentally ran into them.
He introduced her as a friend . She said he was clearly uncomfortable, she was rude and they walked away quickly.

H has talked briefly to his two other sisters but has not admitted to seeing someone.
He has no idea they know and are waiting on him to tell them.

I find it interesting he is hiding from anyone from his past. Only takes around her friends and family. He has cut his off.

[HeartsBlessing]

LGO will finish her story when she can; her time has been taken up at the moment with her brother's motorcycle wreck that happened yesterday; she will return as soon as she can; but right now, she cannot concentrate on the board. 

Her brother is in bad shape at the moment; prognosis at this time doesn't look good at all...but we know a God who is bigger than any situation; and I'm still praying for this to turn around.

Rest assured, she will be back to finish her story. 

[LettingGo]

Thank you for the update on LGO's brother, HB... we are all horrified that she is facing more trials at this time and many prayers are being said for her comfort.

[Rollercoasterider]

I am a bit confused...is someone else posting for LGO then? That would make sense given the circumstances. Or am I confusing the name acronyms?

I want to send a PM, but to whom should I send it?

Either way, I am so sorry this is happening. It really is awful. You and your brother are in my prayers.

[OldPilot]

All posts on this thread were modified by me.

She posted some of these on her own thread earlier,

I omitted any info on her brother on her posts!