[LoveMeMyself]

Sorry for hi-jacking.........but just wanted to say.........Albatross.......I really......really needed to read this.  Thank you for helping me today.

Quote from: Dreamer on Today at 07:28:26 AM

Albatross,  if h is with ow allthe time, how will he be able to progress through the tunnel as h is never alone with his thoughts

Good question, but MLCers are in great depression of mid life. It is mother of all depressions. Depression turn people inward. They are covertly depressed. When someone is depressed their thoughts running 200 m/h. So, they processing no matter what they are with OW/OM.

[twilightzone]

I am seeing this as straight up regression but am confused about the being high part as he isn't now. Is it just that the feelings are associated with when he was a teenager? 

Oh he's high all right....high on adrenalin and hormones and fantasy and escape and who knows what else.  Those are his drugs of choice now.  He doesn't need the crap he used as a teenager.  You think he's not using?  Think again.  It's an addiction all right.  it won't last.  It never does....and the withdrawal won't be fun.

[Searching4Answers]

I am seeing this as straight up regression but am confused about the being high part as he isn't now. Is it just that the feelings are associated with when he was a teenager? 

Oh he's high all right....high on adrenalin and hormones and fantasy and escape and who knows what else.  Those are his drugs of choice now.  He doesn't need the crap he used as a teenager.  You think he's not using?  Think again.  It's an addiction all right.  it won't last.  It never does....and the withdrawal won't be fun.

LOL    Too funny Twilightzone

I found it very interesting that he could articulate what he is feeling; now if he could only see it for what it is. Looking back after this conversation I wonder if H was ever without an 'addiction/fantasy'. All through his teenage years he did drugs and got drunk (he could never understand what it meant to drink casually; actually everything he does is a bit obessive), not sure why the drugs stopped but the drinking didn't stop until he was facing jail time; apparently his freedom was more important than his drinking  This is when I met him; did I become his next addiction/fantasy/escape? It is quite fascinating when we are able to step back a little, we see things more objectively.

[Dreamer]

Wouldnt m h ant to stay with ow because she is very young  has no mind of her and will let h treat her however. She just wants someone to be with her, and h has said he wants her for the rest of his life

[Snowdrop]

Dreamer, I would say, sure he does, for now.  She has an expiry date.  He is using her, although maybe unaware, for this part of his journey.

I read somewhere how long the thrill lasts in newly weds, and it isnt that long, so wonder if the same for MLC, depending on the interaction between them and OW.  More exciting the more they are apart. 

Even in healthy marriages, it evens out, so when he progresses, he will no longer need her at some point, and out she goes.  or she might dump him, and he will find another if he hasnt progressed.  Something he needs to do. 

[Snowdrop]

If replay went on for years before BD, is it considered in the time frame, or is it an approximate time after BD.

My H had a few attempted leavings, and as he kindly reminded me, "you didnt change after the last time i left" , as one of the reasons for leaving this time. 

Do wonder as well if he maybe just wanted out all these times, and the last time, he just knew it.  All LBS script, I know, as we doubt at times.  If it really was to hard to be with us, then how great for all of us that hes gone.

hes a lost soul, as they all are.  His time with OW is now about 10 or 11 months, so honeymoon phase must be coming to an end.  Wow, wouldnt want to be them.. other side is maybe they are very happy?  Oh well, good luck to them.  Doesnt matter as long as they leave us alone.

[Searching4Answers]

If replay went on for years before BD, is it considered in the time frame, or is it an approximate time after BD.

Snowdrop, I have wondered this too. Looking back, my H was showing replay activities long before BD, I just didn't know what to make of it  Activities slowly started around spring/summer 2011; BD was 12/2012 so he has been at it for 2 years (?) I believe he was looking for OW since spring/summer 2011 but didn't find a willing participant until November 2012, BD was roughly 5-6 weeks after he met OW.

[Albatross]

Snowdrop, so far I find infatuation between new people hold at most 1,5 a year. Hormones and other chemical crap... How MLCer is mess, after year infatuation fade MLCer will start to see things in OW which he does not like it, also OW will start to spot many things in broken MLCer which she don't like. Even so, OW will start to feel MLCer depression, so that relationship is doomed. For sure can be so much problems before hormones come down and if those problems higher then hormones then that relationship can snap much earlier.

[Snowdrop]

Searching, Albatross

H showed signs of narcissim, and a definite mask was worn throught the time together in certain situations when dealing withnothers,  Drove me nuts as I value honesty, and it was so fake.

H and OW have only lived together permanently for 2 or3 months, and since they met and married, had a long distance relationship, so forever in the honeymoon phase.  Now he has moved hundreds of miles to be with her and her family, friends, etc. so no-one knows the real him at all, and theres no-one to ever confront him, only himself, if ever.

They see their infatuation as true love

Yes, H and I had that many years back when first meeting, but it progressed naturally, no "owning" of each other, etc.  Not the same now, but Im sure fits in with MLC.  What a mess.  Knwoing they got married so soon after meeting says a lot.

[Albatross]

Knwoing they got married so soon after meeting says a lot.

Seems that OW have some BP disorder They jump in such fast marriages, he is her knight savior.