[in it]

Yes- there are lots of things that 7 represents especially in scripture.....7 days to create earth man and woman. 7 deadly sins etc..

Things take time and the worst thought is you might be running out of it and no one will want you eventually. But right now even that thought doesn't bother me. At 53 I'm starting over and I really don't care what anybody else thinks.

I haven't done anything I'm not proud of and tried to operate as if I had to explain what's happened with me to my 17 and 20 year old daughters I have nothing to be ashamed of. There's an explanation for ALL of it. At least on my end.

[Lanzo]

Yes Elray, now I have somthing new to add to my prayers.

"Bring on the times of plenty !!!"

Lanzo

[Braveheart]

Braveheart,

You missed the point although you 'may' be correct in you evaluation of 'things'.

Comes from the heart my friend. Your heart. You totally under estimate MLC/Put zero value on. and where you find yourself x amount of years from now depends on your flight/fright. hmmm.

Ego is simply what 'collects' on your brain from the day you are born and has alot to to do with your environment, plain and simple so says......
[/quote

Please elaborate, as I don't follow your reply "totally under estimate MLC/Put zero value on" statement. Based on everything I've read regarding MLC it appears to be a hormonally driven event, triggered by low testosterone levels in men and impending menopause in women. In the case of women these drastically shifting hormone levels have profound effects on personality, the woman who comes out on the other end is not the one that went in.

Even if there is no typical MLC behavoir and the wife does not run off to "Eat, Pray, Love" with an OM, a great many marriages implode at this time. The wife can become someone neither the husband or kids even recognize anymore, the husband sleeping on the counch/spare room and hiding out in the garage/man cave to avoid the onslaught.

My X was getting into Peri when she left, the symptoms were there, according to the kids she's now full bore into it...I almost feel sorry for the OM, he has no idea what he's in for....

[Braveheart]

Yes Elray, now I have somthing new to add to my prayers.

"Bring on the times of plenty !!!"

Lanzo

Indeed, I'm 58 and have no intention of hanging around for another 3-5 years waiting on the slim chance of being my X's emergency parachute.......

[limitless]

Braveheart

Indeed, I'm 58 and have no intention of hanging around for another 3-5 years waiting on the slim chance of being my X's emergency parachute.......

I many times feel the same way. But this is the "kick 'me to the curb" viewpoint.

I don't know. When I feel this way I have to stop and ask myself why?

I find that my initial feeling is that I'm angry about the whole thing.

Then I go deeper and find that I'm really just so hurt by it all.

I think I remember you posting something regarding that you would have stood by your wife if she had been a quadriplegic for 20 years or more. Don't mean to challenge you but that just doesn't sound like the words of a kick 'me to the curb kind of man.

We are all angry, even if we don't admit it. But deep down we are all hurt by the betrayal from someone who we would have done pretty much anything for.

My next words are really to me. Stop taking this personally. The things they do they really do to themselves. We just need to protect ourselves and stay clear to not be part if the consequential damage.

Take care, Braveheart. I sense that your a good guy who is sad like the rest of us.

L

[Rookie13]

Btraveheart, you being correct in the 'betrayal' of your wife is how your view, brain, processes it. Your view makes sense for you ( and others) so you can get up each day and put on your shoes therefore your view is correct.

you, like me and others come here to 'test' your/our view to see if it makes sense or to 'gather' more data to process in the event that you may want to change your view or see another side and try an rationalize that.

Sometimes we are 'challenged' on our 'view' from other solid data that makes another put their shoes on everyday.

We are a small handful that have been betrayed in such a way that 'intense pain' is my only way to describe it.

Everyone here, in my opinion, has a 'set point' to how much they will/can take. Some here get/understand MLC to the core and realize that the betrayal was 'something' that the MLCer could not control for all the reasons we discuss of why it happened in the first place and that the MLCer  will wake up with regret someday and in turn put the them in an even worse position in life than in what we felt.

Thats pretty heavy and forgiveness for this betrayal won't come easy to most here in my opinion. I used to view it as her coming out of a coma and seeing all she knew is gone. Wonder what that is going to feel like?

Putting a 'value' on MLC would have to mean that you feel they 'could not control' it and therefore would understand and forgive the betrayal as 'science/chemistry/imbalance' or whatever was the cause and not the loved one. That the loved one, would have had the 'proper symptoms' in life for this to happen whatever they are.

We sure do put a value on the pain though! 

Some, including myself, agree with you that I do not want to waste another day on MLC. Life is short! 

 

[twilightzone]

I have come to feel that in order for me to really heal from this trauma and subsequent loss of my world, I must forgive.  I believe it is absolutely essential.  Only then can I really view it as something that happened to my W and not to me.  I was standing there when the H bomb detonated and I was pretty badly annihilated.

This is really not my problem.  I am left with a very difficult journey that I must undertake....but W has nothing to do with it.  I must focus on myself and on God.  I realize that I am willing to accept whatever plan God has in store for me and whatever plan God has in store for W.  The best of all odds for my W returning to me is if I completely detach from her and forgive her.  I do NOT condone the adulterous and other selfish decisions W has made, but I cannot control any of that.  I CAN control bringing joy into my life with or without her.  I so want it to be with her, but she is on her own now and I am on my own.  We both have God to guide us if we accept that and let Him do it.

I do not know what the future holds....but I am no longer afraid of it.  I will use the Spirit of God within me to help guide me and make the right decisions for myself.  I can only pray that W will ultimately do the same.

[in it]

Indeed, I'm 58 and have no intention of hanging around for another 3-5 years waiting on the slim chance of being my X's emergency parachute......

Exactly I'm two years older than he is ...and I'm not waiting a minute more to get on with it!

[Braveheart]

Braveheart

Indeed, I'm 58 and have no intention of hanging around for another 3-5 years waiting on the slim chance of being my X's emergency parachute.......

I many times feel the same way. But this is the "kick 'me to the curb" viewpoint.

I don't know. When I feel this way I have to stop and ask myself why?

I find that my initial feeling is that I'm angry about the whole thing.

Then I go deeper and find that I'm really just so hurt by it all.

I think I remember you posting something regarding that you would have stood by your wife if she had been a quadriplegic for 20 years or more. Don't mean to challenge you but that just doesn't sound like the words of a kick 'me to the curb kind of man.

We are all angry, even if we don't admit it. But deep down we are all hurt by the betrayal from someone who we would have done pretty much anything for.

My next words are really to me. Stop taking this personally. The things they do they really do to themselves. We just need to protect ourselves and stay clear to not be part if the consequential damage.

Take care, Braveheart. I sense that your a good guy who is sad like the rest of us.

L

My "taking a bullet" was for the woman she was, her actions in our marriage up until the last six months of it were worthy of that stance, now they are not. Marriage is a matter of absolute trust, once that trust is broken it's gone forever, every time they are late from work, talk on the phone, flip a webpage when you walk into the room or act in the least bit odd you are going to wonder "is it happening again?".  This is the life of the reconcilled LBS for years afterward.

You can have unconditional love for someone, but if the object of your desire mistreats you, abandons you, and wants nothing to do with you, that "Unconditional Love" would be viewed by any therapist as another sort of personality disorder. The best thing you can do is get off the rollercoaster, forget about reconcillaition and build a new life, hopefully with someone who deserves your trust.

[in it]

You can have unconditional love for someone, but if the object of your desire mistreats you, abandons you, and wants nothing to do with you, that "Unconditional Love" would be viewed by any therapist as another sort of personality disorder. The best thing you can do is get off the rollercoaster, forget about reconcillaition and build a new life, hopefully with someone who deserves your trust.

I have to say I agree with this viewpoint.

 We end up with the personality disorder ( if we haven't already) having anything more to do with them is masochistic  IMHO.

Sorry I don't get off on pain. Getting it OR giving it.