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Author Topic: MLC Monster Helping Children Cope, Emotional Detachment, Self Healing & other informati

S
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MLC Monster emotional detachment
#70: November 12, 2013, 11:40:47 AM
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This is so so hard.  Things I find work for me is to redirect my thinking...constantly.  Focus on you and where you want to go in life and with your family.  Finding positives in your life and things to look forward to. Goals and dreams about me and my kids.  Time will heal just keep the focus on you.

I also think of the things h wasn't and all the things I wanted h to be and it wasn't him and he never will be that. I can not and do not want this h back. I will allow myself to grieve this loss but know h is not what I want/need in my life.  I know I am on the right path and just have to remind myself of that, even with how hard and heart breaking it is, it is the way it is suppose to be.

I lost a lot of me and really relied on h way too much and this was very unhealthy. I am now finding independence and courage to do it alone and it is quite the challenge.  But really, there is no other way and I remind myself of this... It is only me and I have to figure it out alone and raise my family. 

Exactly!  I feel the same.
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:49:51 PM by Anjae »
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

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emotional detachment
#71: November 12, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
I see that what I grieved was the relationship that COULD have been.. not was... after first BD.

This second time? I didn't waste one tear on him..it was all about the kids.
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:50:11 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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emotional detachment
#72: November 12, 2013, 01:29:54 PM
Quote from: Snowdrop on November 12, 2013, 10:12:13 AM
Quote
I found also, that the minute you accept that your spouse is in mlc, and I mean 'accept' and accept that you are on your own is the minute you will feel the first hint of detachment.

It is not true, in my humble opinion, that there is nothing you can do to stop your spouse's mlc. You can. There is a lot you can do. The main thing being: stop believing that it is about you!
That will stop mlc in its tracks towards YOU! You can stop your spouse Mlc....in YOUR life!
Agreed.  After the initial grieving, it really is up to us whether we allow it to affect us or not.  We could spend the rest of our time as victims and blaming, or we can see it for what it is, recognize the things we need to work on for us, as we too had our part in the relationship, and move forward, all the time knowing that this is their journey, and it has nothing to do with us.  Doesn't mean it is easy, and it takes time, but I think we can see it as a way for us to be stronger, and develop ways we might not have otherwise.

Totally agree with this.  And when you accept that this really has nothing to do with you it does get easier to cope with....now if only I could convince my family that this is a process and will in time, pass........

And just following on from Magnites post, I think I relied on H quite a bit aswell as him feeling the pressure workwise and being the money earner probably contributed to his MLC I am sure, amongst LOTS of other things.  Now I have started working again and am wondering why on earth I never did this sooner????!!!!!
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:50:32 PM by Anjae »
BD Dec 11
BD Feb 13 - OW discovered
Moved out Nov 13 to live with OW
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Empowering the children
#73: November 12, 2013, 03:09:44 PM
http://empoweringchildrenofdivorce.com/

I think threads may have been started somewhere due to this subject..this website is offering a program ..I'm not endorsing it I just found some of it interesting reading.
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:51:05 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Empowering the children
#74: November 12, 2013, 03:12:43 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:51:28 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Empowering the children
#75: November 12, 2013, 03:14:02 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:51:49 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Empowering the children
#76: November 12, 2013, 03:33:06 PM
http://www.nativeremedies.com/ailment/natural-treatments-children-sleep-problems.html

I used  to have a spray I'd use when they were little to take away the bad dreams and help them rest.

 They need comfort before they sleep...a quiet talk... a cry...a rubbed back...a kiss on the forehead....a blanket tucked in.
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:53:37 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
S
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emotional detachment
#77: November 12, 2013, 03:57:26 PM
Quote
Now I have started working again and am wondering why on earth I never did this sooner?
That's what I'm looking forward to, I can't wait.  Just want to be able to take care of us and not need H for a single penny.  Plus, getting out and doing something for me too.
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:54:30 PM by Anjae »
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
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emotional detachment
#78: November 12, 2013, 04:21:37 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:54:55 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
  • *****
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  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
emotional detachment
#79: November 12, 2013, 04:27:42 PM
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 06:55:22 PM by Anjae »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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