[honour]

http://magazine.foxnews.com/love/top-10-qualities-men-are-secretly-looking-women

In the above link the word secretly is being used with the wrong set of qualities. I have never had anyone come to me and put their hand in front of their mouth and whisper, "don't tell anyone, because it's a secret and I don't want anyone to find out because I will never live it down, but I'm secretly looking  for a woman who is confident, intelligent, unmaterialistic, spontaneous, laid-back, playful, sensual, honest, independent and supportive."

The "secret", if there is one, is that some men marry women with the aforementioned positive qualities but secretly hanker after women who are dishonest, capable of cheating, are materialistic and less intelligent than themselves. You only have to look at all the affair-down stories here and elsewhere to see what some men are secretly looking for.

[in it]

Thanks Honour!

In another article I read this is THE best written explanation I've seen for this particular thing I'm sure all men can relate to.

Now I know you want to "fix" this when you have it happen. I know you are going to say you are not mind readers (either are we) but believe me when a woman tells you "she's fine" or "everything's fine"......she's lying.

The rest of this article didn't apply for me so I only took the top part.
This isn't the same one Honour pointed out.

1. Say we’re “fine,” when we’re really not fine.

If you haven’t done this, you have yet to graduate to womanhood. Nothing’s more frustrating that being angered by a man only to have him not understand why you are upset with him. Your only adequate recourse: say you’re “fine,” and expect him to figure it out on his own. Obviously.

Why do we do this? In some cases, it’s because right after an argument, we haven’t gotten our thoughts together to adequately explain why we’re unhappy; in other cases it’s because we’re not feeling assertive enough in the moment to explain what’s bothering us. Often enough, however, it results from just wanting the dude to know what’s up without us having to spell everything out for him which, we realize, isn’t always the best strategy.

The green part kills me 

In a nutshell if we feel you are not "tuned in" enough to figure out why we are pissed off? Again resentment builds.

What's the problem? Communication. We withhold waiting for YOU to SEE and understand why something might be wrong. I have a million examples of this.

Maybe it's the fact that in one day 5 or 10 little things have built up.  Again it's long term relationships. It's the same thing over and over and over again.

 Maybe you took the garbage out ( a GOOD thing)  but we (being overwhelmed with other things) get pissed because you didn't put a new bag in the wastebasket and we're trying to make dinner with a handful of crap in our hands to throw away and guess what? No new garbage bag. We then have to put down what's in our hands and put a new bag in the garbage can.

Or the toilet paper thing, or the sock thing, or the recyclable tea bottles left all over the place, or the toilet seats up or whatever!

Then lets add kids. Somebody can't find thier homework, somebody's got a cold somebody's got an after school thing.etc etc etc..

Then lets add the pets. A litter box has to be cleaned, or somebody has to be let out or walked, somebody peed or threw up on the floor, somebody has to go to the vet...

 EVERYBODY HAS TO BE FED..

And the house needs to be cleaned and dishes done.

Then if you have a wife that works outside the home? WOW there's a whole other part of her day that may be unasked about or disregarded entirely.

We TRY to be superwomen We don't want to ask for help we want you to see what it is we do and HELP us do it.

Now granted some days there may be just no making us happy..Guess what? it's not your job; it's ours.

But if you get unplugged enough that you can't see someone you have lived with FOR YEARS is overwhelmed. You are going to have one pissed off individual on your hands..IMHO.

[in it]

The "secret", if there is one, is that some men marry women with the aforementioned positive qualities but secretly hanker after women who are dishonest, capable of cheating, are materialistic and less intelligent than themselves. You only have to look at all the affair-down stories here and elsewhere to see what some men are secretly looking for.

And wow is this true Honour because you otta get a load of the pig the former mlcer dumped his family for.

Again over time; the honest women they had just were too "good" for them.Maybe the started to feel unworthy WHO KNOWS!

 They wanted to be the lead dog..smarter and whatever!

In the case of a woman dumping a good, honest, intelligent, caring, giving, considerate, loving, hard working, man?

As far as I'm concerned she's got issues that happened way before you in childhood. Things she hasn't told you.

  Or she is simply OVERWHELMED and looking for a way OUT because she may have convinced herself you could give a $h!te less. DUE to the lack of expression.

Just MHO.

[honour]

In a nutshell if we feel you are not "tuned in" enough to figure out why we are pissed off? Again resentment builds.

What's the problem? Communication. We withhold waiting for YOU to SEE and understand why something might be wrong. I have a million examples of this.

Maybe it's the fact that in one day 5 or 10 little things have built up.  Again it's long term relationships. It's the same thing over and over and over again.

 Maybe you took the garbage out ( a GOOD thing)  but we (being overwhelmed with other things) get pissed because you didn't put a new bag in the wastebasket and we're trying to make dinner with a handful of crap in our hands to throw away and guess what? No new garbage bag. We then have to put down what's in our hands and put a new bag in the garbage can.

Or the toilet paper thing, or the sock thing, or the recyclable tea bottles left all over the place, or the toilet seats up or whatever!

Then lets add kids. Somebody can't find thier homework, somebody's got a cold somebody's got an after school thing.etc etc etc..

Then lets add the pets. A litter box has to be cleaned, or somebody has to be let out or walked, somebody peed or threw up on the floor, somebody has to go to the vet...

 EVERYBODY HAS TO BE FED..

And the house needs to be cleaned and dishes done.

Then if you have a wife that works outside the home? WOW there's a whole other part of her day that may be unasked about or disregarded entirely.

We TRY to be superwomen We don't want to ask for help we want you to see what it is we do and HELP us do it.

Now granted some days there may be just no making us happy..Guess what? it's not your job; it's ours.

But if you get unplugged enough that you can't see someone you have lived with FOR YEARS is overwhelmed. You are going to have one pissed off individual on your hands..IMHO.

Being single is so underrated.

[in it]

NO KIDDING!!!!!

 

[rover77]

well...we could also look at the gems these women abandon their husbands and children for...stud muffins all.?..I think not lol...jest sayin'...the irony is that most of these errant men and women trade down for someone they wouldn't have given a passing thought to...

[in it]

EXACTLY!! I've had a few guys make a pass at me since all of this ended..started whatever but I still won't give them the time of day for that reason.

I do NOT think all men are beneath me. It's just I have a strong sense of myself.

 Sure I get lonely; who doesn't? But I'd rather be lonely BY MYSELF than being in the situation I was in.

I think it's more that I don't trust who's ATTRACTED to me being a narcissist magnet.

These women I have NO idea what they see in these losers they pick.I again it's a reflection of their own SELF-WORTH.

[Braveheart]

Thanks Honour!

In another article I read this is THE best written explanation I've seen for this particular thing I'm sure all men can relate to.

Now I know you want to "fix" this when you have it happen. I know you are going to say you are not mind readers (either are we) but believe me when a woman tells you "she's fine" or "everything's fine"......she's lying.

The rest of this article didn't apply for me so I only took the top part.
This isn't the same one Honour pointed out.

1. Say we’re “fine,” when we’re really not fine.

If you haven’t done this, you have yet to graduate to womanhood. Nothing’s more frustrating that being angered by a man only to have him not understand why you are upset with him. Your only adequate recourse: say you’re “fine,” and expect him to figure it out on his own. Obviously.

Why do we do this? In some cases, it’s because right after an argument, we haven’t gotten our thoughts together to adequately explain why we’re unhappy; in other cases it’s because we’re not feeling assertive enough in the moment to explain what’s bothering us. Often enough, however, it results from just wanting the dude to know what’s up without us having to spell everything out for him which, we realize, isn’t always the best strategy.

The green part kills me 

In a nutshell if we feel you are not "tuned in" enough to figure out why we are pissed off? Again resentment builds.

What's the problem? Communication. We withhold waiting for YOU to SEE and understand why something might be wrong. I have a million examples of this.

Maybe it's the fact that in one day 5 or 10 little things have built up.  Again it's long term relationships. It's the same thing over and over and over again.

 Maybe you took the garbage out ( a GOOD thing)  but we (being overwhelmed with other things) get pissed because you didn't put a new bag in the wastebasket and we're trying to make dinner with a handful of crap in our hands to throw away and guess what? No new garbage bag. We then have to put down what's in our hands and put a new bag in the garbage can.

Or the toilet paper thing, or the sock thing, or the recyclable tea bottles left all over the place, or the toilet seats up or whatever!

Then lets add kids. Somebody can't find thier homework, somebody's got a cold somebody's got an after school thing.etc etc etc..

Then lets add the pets. A litter box has to be cleaned, or somebody has to be let out or walked, somebody peed or threw up on the floor, somebody has to go to the vet...

 EVERYBODY HAS TO BE FED..

And the house needs to be cleaned and dishes done.

Then if you have a wife that works outside the home? WOW there's a whole other part of her day that may be unasked about or disregarded entirely.

We TRY to be superwomen We don't want to ask for help we want you to see what it is we do and HELP us do it.

Now granted some days there may be just no making us happy..Guess what? it's not your job; it's ours.

But if you get unplugged enough that you can't see someone you have lived with FOR YEARS is overwhelmed. You are going to have one pissed off individual on your hands..IMHO.

I did it all, laundry, vacuumed, diapers, cooked , made lunches, ran the kids everywhere...and it didn't make a damn bit of a difference. Studies have actually shown that where a guy who actually does more in the home is more likely to get divorced by his wife.

The women who make these complaints almost never clue into the fact their husband is just as overwhelmed, probably stuck in a job he hates, but can't quit or they'll loose everything, then does all the yard work, home maintenance and daddy duties after work. On top of that he's supposed to be able to read her mind that she's angry about unimportant crap like litter boxes and garbage bags? It's all crap to cover up the fact she's just not happy with her choices , life isn't the fairy tale she thought it would be and she wants "a redo"

[in it]

It's all crap to cover up the fact she's just not happy with her choices , life isn't the fairy tale she thought it would be and she wants "a redo"

Hey that's possible also!

We get sold that "fairy tale" from day one. Cinderella, Snow White, name it. Is it realist..no.

If you did all of that then I applaud you.. it must have a communication breakdown somehwre.

The former mlcer I dealt with traveled 1 hour 20 minutes one way to work everyday. I did EVERYTHING ELSE paid the bills ran the entire house home schooled the kids. etc.

He came up the driveway one day so dejected and sick of the drive do you know what I told him?

QUIT YOUR JOB !!! I can SEE it's making you miserable..WE will figure it out!
the house was paid for we had money set aside..we are both creative I could SEE another way to go with this..but he looked at me and said:

I can't quit my job.

Less than a year later his idea was:

He flew into a rage at work allegedly held his boss to the wall by his throat and lost his job after a year long legal battle..

Who'd idea was less stressful?

Fairy tale? No I never bought into that. I wanted a family and a life. But I guess I can't have both.

Technically it comes down to each person taking the other for granted. I didn't think he'd EVER cheat on me like this..I have no friggin' idea what he thought.

[rover77]

'doing it all.'...truth is..it doesn't matter...and yes maybe it makes it worse ..but none of it makes a difference...you can't fill an empty soul..