[Rebel Yell]

Lets see, I'm so screwed up I think I'll screw up my kids too. Real mature, eh?
Personally, I hope their legs grow together. Rant over!

[stayed]

And the movies and articles like this one.... VALIDATE this behaviour.  They actually made it sound CREDITABLE! 

Freaks me out....

hugs Stayed...

[Rebel Yell]

Hello MEN!
I have a question, did your wives refuse to ever do any work on the marriage to improve it?
Did she read any books, watch any videos or listen to audio books? Did she talk about any
issues she had concerning your relationship?

[ziggee]

Hello MEN!
I have a question, did your wives refuse to ever do any work on the marriage to improve it?
Did she read any books, watch any videos or listen to audio books? Did she talk about any
issues she had concerning your relationship?

Yep... and I knew before showing here you can't make someone either... She also said from day one... there was not a problem with the marriage.  She has said from day one it was a problem with her.  She wanted to change her and how she felt about her at the cost of the marriage and the family. 

[Dontgiveup]

Rebel

My wife was more than willing, before MLC, to do the things that would strengthen us as a couple.  It didn't necessarily involve the specific things you mention....books, videos, etc.  However, there were some specific things we did that were very beneficial.  For example, if we had a decision to make about something, we would often go for a long walk to talk about it away from other distractions.  Just the two of us, and typically we would walk 3 or 4 miles and discuss it.

We were also part of leadership of a marriage enrichment organization.  Can you feel the irony?

MLC is a whole different animal from a specific marriage issue.  My wife and I communicated well until MLC hit.  I think because of that, I am very very familiar with the issues that she is dealing with as part of her crisis.  Her being in crisis is not a total shock to me now because I clearly know many of the childhood/development factors she is dealing with.

[Rookie13]

Rebel,

I can't say that she (or me) tried to work on the marriage, other than mentioning that we needed more time together over the years. ( she worked nights and i worked days).

I will say though for about a year before BD, I did notice a change in her as her anger was more frequent and we did a lot of discussing on how to improve the marriage like "date night" once a month, we took a trip for 4 days to the cape with S1 during that time, got a nice hotel and dinner another time, took a over night trip to salem MA, ( the house of seven gables and all that witch nonsense took place there). But you know, I just don't think she really enjoyed any of that the way she thought she would as she may have just been entering her crisis. She had the "need" to get away with me, but I don't think she was feeling the true romance of it all.

During our marriage my ex had a big problem with leaving the kids for any amount of time with some one ( relatives) unless it was for a wedding or function. She also ALWAYS complained when we went out to eat about the bill! and never would order what she really wanted!  I did! LOL, It was tough to make her happy and as DGU mentioned, I know now it was her upbringing. She had a hard time accepting nice Christmas gifts from me as if she felt she didn't deserve it! I always told her to just please smile and say thank you.

I would have to say yeah, she saw other people "doing" things and wanted the same but she could never really pull the trigger on it but would discuss/compare our marriage/lives to others. I always thought and told her everybody does that and we may not have more than Mr jones over there but we do have more than Mr. Smith over there! Lol We once went to Disney Land with the two youngest and she just couldn't enjoy it! Yeah, Disney is expensive! Lol. I had no problem spending money and always had the attitude you only live once! Lol

Probably got off track here, but no, never did she/we read books or tapes etc, SHE would read all kinds of romance novels though and I think she believed them! Lol

[Thundarr]

No, and in fact she made it clear that she was unwilling to do anything that might save the marriage.  The only things she ever read we're People magazine and such, and I think that was just to validate what she was planning to do.

[IwillBeStrong]

Hi Rebel - before the MLC all the time. Once BD hit - nadda. Would not take part in anything that I would say was constructive. Same as Thundarr - only instead of People magazine it was InStyle lol. In fact in the months before BD she was constantly telling me how happy she was...

[moc]

Hello MEN!
I have a question, did your wives refuse to ever do any work on the marriage to improve it?
Did she read any books, watch any videos or listen to audio books? Did she talk about any
issues she had concerning your relationship?

Wife has never finished much of what she has started in her life.  Only book she read was on "borderline personality disorder" for explanation of herself.  She spoke of only 2 issues: not having couple friends and that I was not as interested in the party lifestyle.  She would not try to win over couple friends (work friends and their husbands) at all due to her "tell it like it is" approach to life.  These are really excuses to explain what she is doing of course.  She never cared for at least 8 years of our marriage.  The past 3 have been complete opposite.

[Rookie13]

By the way, After BD the ex would not go NEAR anything I proposed to work on the marriage except to two MC classes ( which her mother talked her into). During the second session the MC told her she was "WAY out of bounds txting a 21 year old kid" I found literally hundreds of txts from her and him. nothing sexual but the times were from 10 pm til 2 or 3 in the morning. While I was in bed!

After the second session she stated to me she did not like the MC and that was it - done. I tried to point her in the direction of MLC but even to this day she will not look at or seek any type of help. I sent her a few articles from psychology today about how people do reconcile and got nothing but a laugh!