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Author Topic: Discussion Ask a Mentor 7

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Discussion Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#30: December 01, 2013, 03:20:27 PM
Any help on the past cpl of posts made today would be greatly appreciated as I am a lil confused as about what to do n how to take this??     It is what it is... by Holdinon2hope.  Thank you in advance  :)

Answered on your thread

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4306.msg272379#msg272379 -  OP
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« Last Edit: December 01, 2013, 04:51:02 PM by OldPilot »
H40
M36
Married 15yrs
Together 19yrs
BD Feb 2013
Ow confirmed March 29, 2013
Moved in with Ow Mar 29 2013
Moved home Dec 29, 2013
Left again Jan 17, 2014
Came Home Sep 14, 2014
She took a deep breath and let it go...
Aarows can only shot forward, by being pulled backwards
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#31: December 01, 2013, 05:07:21 PM
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3608.130

Could use a little support. Touch and go turned out to be nothing and I'm feeling like giving up. Isn't this when LBS tend to give up?  So frustrating!

Answered or questioned on your thread -  OP
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« Last Edit: December 01, 2013, 05:27:48 PM by OldPilot »
The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#32: December 04, 2013, 05:25:36 AM
Ok when you send a truth dart that H knows he don't love Ow n his response is that at this point he don't think he even loves himself.  How do you respond to that? 
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H40
M36
Married 15yrs
Together 19yrs
BD Feb 2013
Ow confirmed March 29, 2013
Moved in with Ow Mar 29 2013
Moved home Dec 29, 2013
Left again Jan 17, 2014
Came Home Sep 14, 2014
She took a deep breath and let it go...
Aarows can only shot forward, by being pulled backwards
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#33: December 04, 2013, 02:33:36 PM
My question is. We are supposed to live life as they are never coming back. So if we stand for our marriage doesn't it mean we are hoping for the day they do? If I live that way, I am moving on. I deserve to know what it is like for someone to actually live me not just one way of me loving them. I am not wanting to choose to live alone for the rest of my life.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#34: December 04, 2013, 03:17:22 PM
Quote from: Disneyme on December 04, 2013, 02:33:36 PM
My question is. We are supposed to live life as they are never coming back. So if we stand for our marriage doesn't it mean we are hoping for the day they do? If I live that way, I am moving on. I deserve to know what it is like for someone to actually live me not just one way of me loving them. I am not wanting to choose to live alone for the rest of my life.

Personally? I dislike the phrase "live life as if they are never coming back". You should live your life as if they are not coming back right now. I've compared it to your spouse being in the military and are deployed overseas; they will return to you at some point, but you don't know when.

There are no guarantees in life; you could choose to Stand, no matter what, and never be with someone again because your husband, for whatever reason, doesn't come back to you. You could give up your Stand and continue to bounce from unsatisfying relationship to unsatisfying relationship, looking for someone to treat you way you think you "deserve" to be treated.

It's possible that your husband will return to you and you spend the rest of your life with someone who will truly value your relationship from that point on, knowing that you have seen the worst of each other and weathered that storm. It's also possible that you leave this marriage behind you and find someone who has been through similar trials in their own life and has learned what it means to make a marriage work.

Or you could be hit by a bus crossing the street tomorrow, rendering all of these possibilities irrelevant.

You have the freedom to Stand for your marriage, and the freedom to end your Stand when it's not right for you any more. You need to decide what is right for you, and do it. Maybe what is right for you right now isn't right for you in a year, or two years, or five years; that's OK!
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Me: 53, Her: 49. Married 25 years, together(-ish) 29.
Status: BD 8/25/09, she moved out 8/28/10. No talk of D.

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"Counting days won't buy us years" —Wings by HAERTS
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#35: December 04, 2013, 08:02:32 PM
weird question, can anyone else see the void in their eyes, or is it just their spouse? trivial I know, but...... anybody?
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Thanks to all who comment!

Me:43   W:40                                                     D: 19      S: 8 (developmental issues)
S: 18 (mine from breakup with W pre marriage)
Married: 15, together 23
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#36: December 04, 2013, 08:13:58 PM
My answer is simple, follow your heart! I think that's pretty much what everyone on this site is doing.
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Thanks to all who comment!

Me:43   W:40                                                     D: 19      S: 8 (developmental issues)
S: 18 (mine from breakup with W pre marriage)
Married: 15, together 23
BD: Jan. 2013   W moved out: Feb 2013
D: filed 11/26/13
D: final 7/30/14
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#37: December 04, 2013, 08:54:41 PM
Quote from: Shaggy on December 04, 2013, 08:02:32 PM
weird question, can anyone else see the void in their eyes, or is it just their spouse? trivial I know, but...... anybody?

I think if the person knows the MLCer well, they can see the difference in their eyes.  But perhaps if they're not as familiar, they won't know the MLCer was ever different.  I know with my H, the 'shark eyes' were one of the earliest symptoms I noticed.  Others said they could tell he was a little off, but I don't think anyone noticed that shift in his appearance as much as I did.
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#38: December 05, 2013, 11:59:02 AM
please can someone look at my thread :-(
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Re: Ask a Mentor 7
#39: December 07, 2013, 03:03:58 PM
Quote from: Shaggy on December 04, 2013, 08:02:32 PM
weird question, can anyone else see the void in their eyes, or is it just their spouse? trivial I know, but...... anybody?
I'm noticing that it isn't just a void.  It seems when he is cycling and in a "manic" state he has those weird , piercing eyes but they seem to be almost vibrating too.  In my case, H isn't around anyone else long enough for them to notice except maybe the alienator(s?) and I doubt they are stable enough to notice. I now judge where my H is in his cycling based on his eyes.  Actually saw the real guy for about week not too long ago!
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The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.  The Dalai Lama
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