[bipolared]

I sort of buried this in a long, rambling paragraph so-do we communicate to them that we intend to stand?  Or at least not to go out doing the stuff they are doing?  The Weeper seems to think I will have a line of 25 year olds at the  bedroom door the minute he leaves the house.  Or at least some guy who makes a lot of money.

[riverbirch]

Are there posts on when they are home and what to do when they are,even if it's just touch and goes?

[Mitzpah]

Bipolared,

Here is an article that answers your question, I think -
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_planting-seeds_communicating-your-stand.html

[kikki]

Are there posts on when they are home and what to do when they are,even if it's just touch and goes?

Here's a couple of RCR's blogs about her approach
http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/self-focus/what-i-did-as-a-stander/

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/midlife-crisis-and-infidelity/what-if-the-affair-starts-again/

[i can and will cope]

hi everyone

i have posted on my thread REALLY need some advice and thoughts please thank you

[bipolared]

Bipolared,

Here is an article that answers your question, I think -
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_planting-seeds_communicating-your-stand.html

Thanks Mitzpah!

[lifeistooshort]

I am knew to this site and have a question. I am being told to get rid of the bad influence on my wife that is half her age. Should I call their boss as my wife of 18yrs is having an affair with a supervisor on her job? He is her night in shining armour

[Ready2Transform]

I am knew to this site and have a question. I am being told to get rid of the bad influence on my wife that is half her age. Should I call their boss as my wife of 18yrs is having an affair with a supervisor on her job? He is her night in shining armour

Welcome to the site, lifeistooshort.  I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us.  Who is telling you to do that?  I can't predict the exact outcome, of course, but as an outsider, it would seem like calling your wife's boss would probably get her and/or her supervisor fired - and probably not end the affair.  If you are Standing, I would suggest you not do that.  It may initially feel good to "get even" with them, but won't build any bridges between you two.  MLC takes as long as it does, and if that is what is happening with your W, that action won't return her heart to you.  Only time and healing, be it emotional, physical, chemical, whatever her issue is - will stand a chance of doing that. 

[riverbirch]

How do we know the o.p. is gone if we don't ask? I know we shouldn't ask a lot of questions and let them be. My husband has been around a lot lately,days and maybe a week at at time. Contact may only be texting if that. When I ask questions it causes an argument. He doesn't want to talk about any of this yet.

[Ready2Transform]

How do we know the o.p. is gone if we don't ask? I know we shouldn't ask a lot of questions and let them be. My husband has been around a lot lately,days and maybe a week at at time. Contact may only be texting if that. When I ask questions it causes an argument. He doesn't want to talk about any of this yet.

I think you've probably answered your own question.  You'll know when he's ready to tell you, but for right now he's still in replay and whether she's in the picture or not, he's not at that point yet.  What would you do differently if you knew?  How would it change the situation?