[in it]

It's always been said the truth comes out when drunk or angry. Being drunk for me usually has me at a total disadvantage. Regarding any serious discussion anyway.

He tried that once it didn't work. I sat there laughing saying "Oh no..I'm not talking about this now"

He knew I'd had enough to drink then he wants to talk?..seriously? He was just waiting to use whatever I was going to say against me or turn my words around to whatever he thought they meant.

I think I've been drunk maybe three times since this has happened 8 months ago. Before that? I can't even remember when the last time I got drunk was.

That is fascinating Albatross-she must have lost some of her inhibitions. Maybe?

[Albatross]

So, I am interested for correlation Your MLCer type vanisher, boomerang, on and off or clinging boomerang and how act Your spouses when they was drunk before MLC ?

Also I am interested in correlation Your MLCer drunk before MLC was aggressive and they are mostly monsters in MLC ?

And finally Your spose drunk before MLC and they acting out or wallow ? And what kind they are in MLC wallowers  or high energy replayers - acting out ?

[Returned]

Actually there may be some truth to this
Whenever my H would take two drinks he would be 
Whenever he got to the third drink he would be 

Honestly prior to BD I consistently saw monster after the third drink...once he took the 2nd drink and was all happy I would usually go hide    because I knew he was going to take the third drink and get monstery.

After BD who he most resembles is himself after the 3rd drink. So you may have something about alcohol showing the true self.

[Medusa]

Fascinating thoughts!

H has a great tolerance for alcohol although I watched his consumption increase in what I now know are the early stages of MLC (pre-BD). But he usually retained good control except in bed where he became a bit more aggressive.

I will. However, never forget the day he got absolutely hammered while we were in Jamaica and started crying about his impotence. I understand and empathize as much as a woman can with that issue, but even at the time I thought his behavior was a bit odd for him. It was wallowing. And more would come. It's pretty much what he does all the time, now.

Kinda wish I could see him drunk!

[Albatross]

Fascinating thoughts!

H has a great tolerance for alcohol although I watched his consumption increase in what I now know are the early stages of MLC (pre-BD). But he usually retained good control except in bed where he became a bit more aggressive.

I will. However, never forget the day he got absolutely hammered while we were in Jamaica and started crying about his impotence. I understand and empathize as much as a woman can with that issue, but even at the time I thought his behavior was a bit odd for him. It was wallowing. And more would come. It's pretty much what he does all the time, now.

Kinda wish I could see him drunk!

Why don't You call him out and make him drunk ? Manage to drink other liqueur then him and beforehand negotiate with bar tender to pull You nonalcoholic drinks ?

[Searching4Answers]

I have wondered about this for a long time.

My H does not currently drink. So I have never seen him drunk, however, everyone confirms including H that he is a complete a**hole when he drinks. H stopped drinking after his 3rd DUI, we meet shortly after he stopped drinking. H made a comment to his family once that he wouldn't drink again because I would probably leave him if he did I do know that H was very aggressive when drunk - he would pick fights with anyone.

Recently, H's dad told me that if H did start drinking again that I needed to leave ASAP; his dad said that H would probably hurt me. I told his dad that I had heard the stories of his drinking days and had already made the decision that if he did start drinking I would leave.

I do think that H has been self-medicating since he was a teenager; he had tried to escape by drinking and using drugs. Now he has moved on to other things to distract himself

My H is a big time clinging boomerang. I see 'charming' monster from him majority of the time; I have seen 'angry' monster a few times but I think that H knows that 'angry' monster will make me leave so he stays in 'charming' monster. I don't know if my H is a wallower or high-energy; he has OW but he cycles in his energy level. I think he sees her every other week or so.

[Albatross]

As I write here my W drink since she is in MLC and when she is under influence of alcohol, she become opposite - means normal self before crisis !

Maybe we should make from our MLCers all time alcoholics then they will act normal.
Better for us and better for them to die because liver failure then madness ?

[The lighthouse]

This is fascinating.

Although I agree with In It to some degree that people drink to escape emotional pain, it's not the only reason.  In my case I have used alcohol to loosen my inhibitions, especially when younger, as being quite introverted I found social situations difficult.  I preferred the less shy, quiet me that appeared when I had a drink, not drunk, just a bit tipsy.  I felt that this was the 'me' I wished I could be all the time - still the same person but out of my shell a little more.  As I've gotten older I haven't found it as necessary but it took me a long time to get there.

I would say my H is similar to that of Long Journey.  He's fun and jovial after a couple of drinks , then there's a line he crosses and Mr mean, obnoxious and cold comes out.  This is the monster I had at BD, and now that I look back I can see that he had been in replay long before BD and monster had come out at other times. 

He has had issues with drinking since a teenager and also did drugs as a teenager.  He moved away in his teenage years for about a year and apparently hung around in the drug scene.  He said he woke up one day and decided 'that's enough' and walked away from it.  That must have taken some kind of inner strength and I hope one day he finds that again.

He's had counselling for drinking issues and did improve for a while after that.  Nearing BD he was drinking very heavily and that's how he met OW.  She is his drinking buddy.  He has also been spotted in bars in the area we live drinking alone, (wallowing),  and there was an occasion where someone I know almost knocked him down in the middle of the street because he was so inebriated. 

Yes, I think my H's shadow comes out when he drinks too much which is most of the time these days . 

Another interesting thing is that sometimes when he's come to the house since BD I have offered him a beer.  He will accept one beer, but once I offered him a bourbon which is a favourite of his and he wouldn't accept that.  Any ideas why that might be?  A friend said to me he's acting too controlled around me.  He's always Mr nice these days.  Maybe he's afraid of that shadow coming out around me.

[Medusa]

once I offered him a bourbon which is a favourite of his and he wouldn't accept that.  Any ideas why that might be?  A friend said to me he's acting too controlled around me.  He's always Mr nice these days.  Maybe he's afraid of that shadow coming out around me.

Maybe. Or maybe because his love of bourbon (great taste!) reminds him of home/you. I'm thinking that's why H left the 25-year-old Scotch when he moved out.

Albatross, great idea. I think I will suggest we do exactly that right after our court date later this month.

[Serendipity]

My H hid a huge drinking problem from me for who knows how long before BD.. I would constantly find empty bottles hidden in the house,, and right beffore BD, I finally got access to the garage (i never had a key.  never needed one to go out there) and found nearly 100 empty bottles.  Some beer but mostly Bourbon.   He told me he would have to drink as soon as he came home because he didnt want to come home.  Said he didnt want to be in the house (it needed work), i was depressed, so I was constantly laying on the couch and didnt do anything, and was moody.  So he dreaded coming home.  i know hes still drinking because i can see the charges on the bank statement to the liquor store.

When we finally spoke after months of nC, he told me he wasnt drinking anymore.  BS.  Said he would just have beer sometimes when he would hang out or go out with his bros.

H also started drinking at a young age.  He also did drugs.  Like at 13.  Mom was a uber b!tc#, and he was rebelious teen. 

Not sure what this means about his shadow and true personality?  I dont remember him being out of it and totally drunk.  he hid it well from me.  I didnt even know.  But he would be sleepy during movies at home, and would sleep during the day. (i was at work).  He still blames me for him not wanting to come home.  I threw a truth dart and told him he was suicidal and didnt want to come home because hes depressed.  no comment.

thoughts?