[Anjae]

The further they go into the tunnel the more power she seems to be able to exert.  I remember Dearheart at first not caring at all how she felt but as he went in deeper she controlled him more and more.

I'm starting to see this with my husband, even if he is a vanisher. Just one thing you pick here and another there.

Lucky, the OW/OM may have more and more power over the MLCer as they go further into the tunnerl, but they have no power over the LBS. Unless, of course, we allow them such power.

[Mamma Bear]

LG.   What exactly is emotional blackmail? And if they hate pressure why do they stay around it?

[LettingGo]

MammaBear, a lot of people use emotional blackmail..... it goes like this "I would never have moved in with you if I thought you were going to stay with your wife! Now my daughter is attached to you and she can't take the heartache of losing you.....I can't afford this apartment you got for us all by myself, so now I have to somehow come up with first, last and a deposit for a new place and I can't afford that.... I've invested two years of my life with you when I could have been with an unmarried man, but YOU LED ME ON and told me you loved me, so I stayed with you and sacrificed EVERYTHING for you..... you are a piece of sh**!"

An example of PARENTAL emotional blackmail would be "How come you never call your Mother? I carried you for nine months and got hemorrhoids and you never think of me...." Think of the movie "Psycho"....

They hate pressure, but they are like a trapped monkey.... you know how they trap monkeys? They put something in a trap that the monkey grabs onto.... when he tries to remove it from the trap, his fisted paw won't fit back through the opening.... instead of simply letting go of the object in the trap to remove his paw and escape, he is stuck and easily caught. And monkeys are pretty smart!

You will discover all sorts of crazy things your husband will put up with regarding OW.... they throw everything away to be with this person... all their eggs of happiness in this basket, that they can't give up!! In the book "Surprised by Love" Dr. Jay describes how his relationship with his "classy, smart, businesswoman (stripper, escort) girlfriend was falling apart and she was using emotional blackmail to control him and he wrote her a long letter basically begging and pleading with HER and suggesting they need COUPLES COUNSELING!!!   Can you even imagine? And this man is a THERAPIST!!! Talk about not seeing the forrest for the trees!!

That gets me every time.... suggesting counseling for you and your girlfriend.... meanwhile, you're still married!! Explain THAT one to your therapist, hahahaha! Husband: "Hi! We're here to try and save our relationship!" counselor: "Oh, and are you married?" husband: "Yes, but not to her..."

[Anjae]

You will discover all sorts of crazy things your husband will put up with regarding OW.... they throw everything away to be with this person... all their eggs of happiness in this basket, that they can't give up!!

In the book "Surprised by Love" Dr. Jay describes how his relationship with his "classy, smart, businesswoman (stripper, escort) girlfriend was falling apart and she was using emotional blackmail to control him and he wrote her a long letter basically begging and pleading with HER and suggesting they need COUPLES COUNSELING!!!   Can you even imagine? And this man is a THERAPIST!!! Talk about not seeing the forrest for the trees!!

That gets me every time.... suggesting counseling for you and your girlfriend.... meanwhile, you're still married!! Explain THAT one to your therapist, hahahaha! Husband: "Hi! We're here to try and save our relationship!" counselor: "Oh, and are you married?" husband: "Yes, but not to her..."

Funny. They don't mind with whatever OW/OM asks of them, makes them do, put up with really, really crazy stuff. But they would not tolerated 99% of what they put up with the other person.

ahahahahahahahahah! The story of the therapist girlfriend suggesting they need couples couseling is hilarious. But who are these OW/OM they get? They also seam to be total nuts. And not all of them are MLCers themselves.

[Stillpraying]

Yes,
My H told his mum (before he stopped talking to her) he was going to get counselling so this relationship with OW would work.  Pity he didn't want that for us and his kids

[dollard]

mine said repeatedly that ow is difficult to life with, but he will try very hard to make the relationship work.

he also said that is she leaves he will not chase her,

also that he can not see a future with her

XH  married ow 20 years younger with him

there is something definetly wrong with him

[Mamma Bear]

  Ya Think?  Hi Dollard. Amazing isn't it?  I am so glad we have each other to bounce this crap off of. That way you can fore-see some activities of hateful confusion and blind ignorance INSTEAD OF ALWAYS BEING BLIND SIDED. It doesn't knock me on my a** if I have seen that behavior in other MLCers prior to my introduction to it. Foresight!  Hugs for ya!

[Anjae]

I love it when they say that they need to make the relashionship with OW/OM work. That the are trying hard. But going for therapy to save/work on the relashionship with OW/OM, if they are still married is really crazy.

If they are divorced I can get it. "my marriage did not work out, now I need to make this new relashionship work", "and how did you meet", "well, I was married, left everything to be with her/him, she/he is the love of my life..."  How romantic! 

[Mamma Bear]

 Anne J   "How did you meet?"  My Hs answer would have to be : At a convenience store buying cigarettes.
   Talk about class act!   Throw Mamma from the Train...............LOL
   

[Standing in Patience]

If you know, who initiated the breakup after the sordid affair?