[TrustingMyHP]

WP,  Now that's a perspective I never would have thought of.  Thinking about it makes me thankful, yet it's a bit bizarre to compare my sitch to that.  But then again, maybe it's not!

Your post was both inspiring and made me smile.

Thanks!

TMHP

[Foxberry]

kie,

I'm another long-term inmate.  I know exactly what you mean.  I think the length of time it takes is mind-boggling. 

Right now I've been thinking about the Stockdale Paradox:

"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

I can understand that you feel a bit stuck, but I think that is all part of the process as well.  We have to go through those periods to come out the other side.

T&L, that is very poignant..... I should keep reading that over and over again.

Love and hugs
Foxy xxx

[Anjae]

WP, that is an interesting perspective. But I don't think it is quite the same. The person in jail is not with OW/OM and many times the person outside has someone for the time the spouse/partner is in jail.

Also, they have a time frame, 25, for life, etc. Of course the sentence time can be reduced, but they have the sentence time frame in mind. We do not have a MLC for 7 years, MLC for 5 years, MLC for ever.

[Battlefield]

Hi everyone I was wondering if someone can give me some insight to OW withdrawal? What to they tend to do (act)? How long does it tend to last? I know everyone is different I am just kind of wanting maybe an estimate.
My H is home and it is going very good. I know that he has not seen OW in 3 weeks but I know she was contacting him up until last week right before he came home. 
H told me that he has been telling her it's over and to leave him alone, but from the stories I have heard from H himself she is NUTS! I know she will not let go easily. She can contact him at work anytime she wants. h told me she yells at him calls him names. ECT....
but her clinging and desperately hanging on for dear life. I know that he has not been through OW withdrawal I don't believe he has had any conversations since coming home on Fri.
Can someone give me some insight.  He has broke it off with her in the past like 4 times but he was at his gma's and he said he got so bored and she minipulated him and poured on the Guilt.
He said he know that relationship and the feelings were not real and he has said that he learned a lot and doesn't at all want anything to do with her. She will not let go!
He opened up to me about OW and the horrible stuff that went on and how he knew for a long time that he didn't have anything with her but the Guilt consumed him and OW making him feel even worse.
 

[Sassyone]

Until every form of contact stops (even on her end, change his mobile number, etc.) they are still attached.  It took my H a good 5-6 weeks to go through this process.  We talked about it.  He thought about her a lot, seemed depressed, projected at times.  Each day it got better.  It seems to bother me more now than him, but if she were to contact him again, who knows what would happen.

[justasking]

Smitty

Your H will go through a grieving process just as any one would at the end of a relationship, even though she was/is nuts. He will potentially be quiet and depressed. He will need time to think it through and as hard as it is you will have to validate his feelings. He will need time and space but will reach out when he needs to. This lasts approx 3 weeks to a month. Then as long as there has been NO contact the door shuts.

If there is any contact between them then Sassy is right, the process will have to start again.

xx

[In this for ME]

I'm at that stage with him now. Or at least I'm pretty sure I am. But I hear what you are saying that it's bothering you. Cause it's bothering me too..

And what would happen if she contacts him again?
Well the other day I told him I'm fed up with the ghost of her ( he was trying to change passwords on things he let her know) and if the bi*ch wants to start something I'll disembowel her.

He hasn't had any contact with her since the end of Janaury 2011.

Early this morning I woke up to a wall of pillows he had built between us in the night. I sort of kidded him about how busy he is even when he sleeps. He said he loved me I said "No you don't love me" he said "I DO SO; I'm just scared of you" and we laughed our rear ends off. Then when we stopped for a breath I said

 " I suppose if I were you I'd be scared of me too" And we started cracking up all over again.

[Sassyone]

LOL my H has told me he is scared of me to.  Guess I yelled to much about what he did (go figure!).  His OW never yelled at him of course.  He tells me I am the only person that every yelled at him (now that sounds like a 10 year old to me!)

If she continues to contact him in any way, the door is still open.  I ran into OW yesterday and it threw me for a loop, I can only imagine when H does.  Open honest communication is necessary.  No matter if he thinks she is crazy, remember they at one point thought we were crazy too.  There was a connection and it is easily reignited, I lived that for 8 months. 

No contact, no emails, no nothing and then the clock starts.  It is hard to watch the withdrawal because you want their attention, but it gets better I promise.  Stay detached during it as much as you can and smile and be the lighthouse.

[Battlefield]

Thanks for the response all of you have helped.  I know I just have to stay quiet which I def will. He has told me so much about OW and I like the fact that he said I know the feelings I thought I had were not real, and If I start thinking back to the old feelings from the start I now Know what I need to do I just tell myself these are not real u know what it is and what it is really like. I am so glad that my H has a good understanding of the situation she said he told OW that she was just a symptom of the MLC and the only reason he has been seeing and talking to her since April is purely out of Guilt and then he told me that he just sometimes get depressed so he thinks back to the feelings he had from the start but he knows they were not real and he could never go back again. he said he just wants this done. I told him I understood and in order for him to move forward and process he is doing great bc he is aware of the situation and is getting his feelings under control.
I know there is going to b some rought times and he will b silent and withdrawn but I also know to just let him B. It was great yesterday morning he kissed me goodbye. Although come last night he was withdrawn and this morning the same he didn't kiss me goodbye today. I just asked him if he was OK? He said yes he was ok. I know he is depressed and is dealing with so much so I am just being quiet and letting him b.

[Battlefield]

Thank You Sassy,
 I appreciate all the advice I can get. I'm figuring 4 days no contact he is starting to withdraw and b depressed more and more. I am just not saying a word. When he wants to talk he knows where I am.
He did tell me something the other day that blew me away. He told me the first of the breakup in July he told her and was trying to leave the house and she totally flipped grabbed on to his legs and wouldn't let him leave she was screaming and crying. He couldn't get her off he got to the door and she kept getting in front of the door and wouldn't let him leave he said he was yelling so loud he was so hoarse. He kicked the door to try and get out and broke it but not bad enough that she couldn't close it or lock it and she was grabbing him hitting him and screaming at him he said he finially had to grab her by the neck and put her up against the wall to get out.
He said he knew she lied about a lot but after that he learned she really is a liar and minipulator She kept calling him when he left and said that the cops were called and he needed to come back . He said give them my number they can call me and come to me. Well no cops she then said that he broke the door and she can't lock it or close it and she is so scared. He said call your brother bc he knew it was ok. 
After that he stayed away for a bit but of course he talked to her again bc the manipulation was getting worse the Guilt she put on him was overwhelming him. It took until about a month ago to learn that the guilt trips were just that. And he was done he knew what he had to do and did it he broke it off for good hasn't seen her in almost a month but she was contacting him with all the guilt trips still.
he told me he feels bad for her but he knows the truth and just keeps telling himself that its not real. He said he is in a place now that he understands and can tell himself this and b ok.