[Battlefield]

Kiki you will just have faith and pray for your husband (if you believe in prayer if not I'm sorry and didn't mean to offend) I prayed and pray for my H all the time, I'm only a year in and he is this far along. 
                       Thanks so much

[LettingGo]

Smitty and Patience.... thank you so much for posting.... it really helps pave the way for the rest of us.... but REALLY? IS THIS what I have to look forward to??? WITHDRAWAL!! I only HOPE mine starts his or is in it soon.... I suspect he is with OW from last night through tonight... not contacting me.. that is his MO when with her... like I wouldn't notice, LOL!! But, he may be one who grieves fairly quietly... I know that I did... when ending my EA... well, actually, I was "dumped" by my EA partner, LOL!! That's what probably took me so long to get over him... BUT, I never brought it to my family...

The difference, I guess is..... I was not in a "I LOVE YOU full blown PA, cheating affair..... it was a carryover from my single days....not justifying.. just looking back in hindsight... I definitely KNEW I only wanted to be married to my husband and faithful to him.. BUT, I enjoyed the flattery and attention from OM... although, in hindsight? HIs phon ecalls were ALWAYS only about HIM and HIS doings and accomplishments... problems... if not me, it would have been someone else. I totally flattered him, as he was a rock star and  his friendship yielded certain perks....

I just want to jump ahead and be done with the whole AFFAIR!! Just give me plain vanilla MLC symptoms... NO AFFAIR!!!

[Mamma Bear]

LG  The affair is to mlc like a hot compress is to a zit.
     If they were going to not abandon the family and just lay around partying MLC could take 100 years.   The affair speeds up the nutso brain chemicals and off to the races. Then their pressure cooker heads are about to explode...then they go through OW withdrawal and the rest. Like when a rollercoaster ride is over and it comes in for the stop slows down,,,click click click and your neck is goin back and forth..

[Anjae]

I totally flattered him, as he was a rock star and  his friendship yielded certain perks....

Well, well, well, LG, now you've confirmed my suspicious that OW1 and OW2  only flatter and care and love husband soooooooo much because he is a DJ star and being his girlfriend brings certain benefits. He was not such a DJ star before he left. he had started DJing a while before leaving but he was still his quiet self. After he left he went bananas and just wanted loads of attention. Think it was all part of the living a new life thing...

So, unless he sops being a DJ star, or gets tired of it (or his body will take no more paty and sleepless nights), I think his MLC will not end. he is so trapped into that DJ star thing...

[dollard]

I keep reading that ws feel guilty abandoning ow

this is really hard to understand.

xh married his ow and I still believe she is disposable  she is a parasite

people who had seen her describe her as a survivor.  she does anything necessary to survive, like a ow

[Anjae]

I keep reading that ws feel guilty abandoning ow

this is really hard to understand.

Yes, it is the part I find harder to get. Why feeling guilty about leaving alienator? I know, I know, the in-fatuations, the emotional blackmail. But if a LBS makes emotional blackmail the MCLer will rund faster into the alienator arms, yet, the MCLer stays with the alienator, even tries to save their relashionship... makes no sense...

[kikki]

LG  The affair is to mlc like a hot compress is to a zit.
     If they were going to not abandon the family and just lay around partying MLC could take 100 years.   The affair speeds up the nutso brain chemicals and off to the races. Then their pressure cooker heads are about to explode...then they go through OW withdrawal and the rest. Like when a rollercoaster ride is over and it comes in for the stop slows down,,,click click click and your neck is goin back and forth..

Now that would have to be the analogy of the month - what a pretty picture that makes in my head 

And thanks Smitty for your thoughts

[SpecialK]

Approx how long withdrawal goes on for?

SK xxx

[justasking]

I keep reading that ws feel guilty abandoning ow

this is really hard to understand

The depression and guilt that the MLCer feels after leaving the OW/OM is about the break down of the relationship and futures lost. When they left us they had been moving towards that point often for months or even years. They had used every transgression on our part as part of their justification for blaming us and leaving.

The bond they build with the OW/OM is part of their running behaviour and whether we like or not (and I don't lol) the need between them is strong at the time. As time moves on the OW/OM is no longer needed by the MLCer as part of their journey. The alienator has shown their true colours and this is not what they signed up for.

But rather than years the turn for home often happens in months. Our MLCer has lied and manipulated them as much as us and so they have a huge sense of guilt for 'wrecking' the OW/OM life. Often they have promised a loving future with marriage etc. They look to us and see a strong independent person who is moving forward with their life. This is what they want not the needy, emotionally labile individual they are with who has now outgrown the role they had within the MLC. Although they have been a part of their life they decide to let the OW/OM go.

As with every end of a relationship the emotional fallout has to be dealt with. The guilt and emotions have to be analysed and learnt from as part of their journey so as the door can be firmly shut forever. That's when we see the withdrawal and depression. They are working through every aspect of the affair. Also the alienator will be in a position that we were in at bomb drop so the roles are reversed and they will often pursue and beg and plead adding to the angst of the MLCer and the confusion and guilt he/she feels.

xx

[Battlefield]

update:
 My H is still withdrawn in a week we have hardly said anything to eachother. I am just going about my business not asked him anything. I have seen a some good signs, he is staying in the family room with us watching T.V or whatever we are doing.  He is not staying outside by himself as long as all. He told me goodnight last night which was a positive bc usually we just go to bed and not say a word. It's moving along.

I did find out some info yesterday.I know OW exh he contacted my sister and asked her if me and my H were talking about getting back together, bc he just found out that OW and my H had been over for a while, and OW asked him if he had talked to me she wanted to know if my H had moved back home bc they don't talk. She has been going over to her exh house for the last couple weeks staying really late drinking she said he is fun she hasn't had any fun or been happy in a long time. She said she is in love with My H but she is happier that he is gone bc there was to much stress and my H didn't want to do anything ever.  But she is heartbroken and would take him  back if he wanted to.

Newsflash OW he's never going back!!!! it was good to get confirmation that my H is done and hasnt had any contact with OW in a while.
which I did figure bc he is so withdrawn but I can see he is trying.