I'm not sure where the place for stories like this is, so I'll put it here. If a moderator thinks it should be elsewhere, please go ahead and move it!
This isn't a happy story, just one I found out about a couple of years ago. It puts me in an interesting position.
This is about the mother of one of my S's friends. She and her H (unmarried) have 3 kids, all teenagers. She was pretty nice; a bit harrassed, she works hard, but who doesn't these days? I used to be pretty impressed that her H would show up at so many school things, seem to speak intelligently about the kids, that kind of thing.
As you do, I started to become friendly with her, to listen to how her job was going, that kind of thing. Learned that she and her H worked together.
Imagine my shock when I found out that she was OW. She told me that "she wasn't proud of it, but she took him from his family with 3 children, because they just fell so much in love....." From everything she said it was definitely an MLC affair.
This was now a long time ago. Turns out that he is still married to W1, and what's more, that he's not really working much, that she (OW) is the one earning all the money, she owns the house (she's underneath it all afraid that if he owned it his W might have some claim to it....), she runs it all. She's exhausted, irritable, you name it.
And with regards to having children, he wasn't even that thrilled about the idea; she said that she had to promise him that she wouldn't neglect him..... Did she get pregnant to keep him? May well have done.... well, she got him, but even she says that she realises that what they did 'wasn't exactly right'.
He is a lot older than her; he has grandchildren that are the same age as his second family children. The grandchildren don't get on with their new kids..... I have no idea what his r with his children is like. My guess is not very good.
I don't know the reason why he never divorced his W; she (OW) told me that the W hadn't wanted to. I have no idea as to the reason, whether she was standing or had religious or other reasons. No idea. And he has 3 children with OW..... I have to admit that even I would give up at that stage.
He potters around the house; she tries to delegate kid stuff to him because she has to work so hard to earn the money; he does appear to do renovations and the like, but they have a lot of help -- a friend of hers, who acts as godfather to the kids, seems to be around all the time, helping with the house and the kids.
This puts me in an interesting position. My S's friend is a perfectly nice boy, none of this has anything to do with him. So of course the friendship is fine. But since I found this out I'll admit I have a really hard time stomaching being around her, and in particular her H. I now look at him and feel something akin to disgust. That's not charitable, but true. At least I can say it here. Now I see a fool.
She says she wouldn't do it again -- it's been rocky, they even split up for a while, but I guess she feels that this is better than being alone. And yes, there are 3 children.
As for the man? well, I have no idea what he thinks and feels. He seems to be getting OW to support him, doing what he wants. OW says that they are in a good place now, but all I see is an overworked woman. And he just chuckles at her. I don't think he has any strength at all.
I get the feeling that his supposedly being so good with the kids is just a front; she tries to delegate it to him but he is actually pretty useless.
Life isn't a picnic for them, far from it. And the kids are just caught up in it. On the surface they have a family life, I now stay far out of it. I have the boy over, and let my S go there, but I don't linger over coffee..... sad, but true.
The OW does feel guilt, don't know about him. It seems their families accept it; I've seen her parents around, and his sister, at least. But that may well be because of the kids.
As for his W, well, I have no idea what her story is, how her life is. I'll admit the thought that she is far, far better off without this man, though.
It's a crap situation all around. I don't know more, mainly because I don't want to -- I keep my distance. Funny, a few years ago I might have been interested in a "soap opera" kind of way, now I just go "yuck!" and run....
I'm not putting this here to discourage anyone; the man in question really isn't capabale of being a decent, let alone good, partner. I hope his W knows that, and is happy with her life.
Questions about the Affair/OM/OW III
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