[the_little_bee]

As Christmas is fast approaching, I've been pondering what to do about whether to send a card and/or present to my H.

Part of me thinks sod it, he's not getting anything (the angry part). And the part that is truly me thinks I should send something small. Just a token gift, but something I know he would appreciate. It's certainly not going to be the gift I had been planning. But as long as I send it expecting nothing in return and no acknowledgement of my gift, it might be ok.  I would be being true to myself if I sent something.

What are people's thoughts?

[Dreamer]

I too am wondering this. If there is an ow, I am sure she would appreciate the thought.LOL

[Albatross]

Our 25. anniversary of marriage was in April and OFC bought her a gift. Both our birthdays was in September, I bought her a gift. Guess what I get ? You guess right. I got nothing.

Gift for her at Christmas ? No way.

[panda]

For my 40th this year I got nothing but monstering insults.  No card, nothing.  Hadn't even got the children to do anything for me.  It is a day I will never forget.  Thankfully I did have my family to pull me off of the floor.  He did absolutely nothing for my birthday last year also.
So no, I will not be buying anything for him.  OW can do that.

[WeepingWillow]

Thought about it too.  Like you, I have no children with my husband.

I think I'm going to get him a Magic 8 Ball, and will say to him "This is to help you in your decision making."
I figure, this way, it will up the odds of him making a correct choice once in a while.



example:  "Is she my soul mate?"
8 Ball:  "sources say No"

If we are instructed here to not make overt gestures to an MCLer because it causes them to pull away,  is Christmas the exception?  Your thread poses a very good question.

[LettingGo]

Absolutely give him a token gift. It's Christmas....anger, resentment, bitterness? Really?  A photo of the kids....fur kids... book he would like....that sort of thing. No card if you can help it...just a simple to/from tag. If you have kids, they should honor their father...PERIOD!! Being kind is not being a doormat. LOVE is about GIVING, not about receiving or keeping score.

If you are thinking I don't understand how "UNDESERVING" your husband is, think again. Go read the articles on AGAPE.

[Snowdrop]

I think each to his own.  I, for one, will not be giving H any gift.  It is not about anything more than I am choosing not to.

I have been kind, compassionate, and caring since the day he left, as well as before, but that doesn't mean I have to give him a gift.

[the_little_bee]

Yes, I think it's very much a persona choice, I was just interested in different viewpoints

[BB64]

Mine will get a gift, and an invitation to dinner. He stayed the night last year but I wouldn't feel comfortable with that this year.

Christmas is and always will be about families getting together. He is my children family and that makes him part of mine. As much as I don't like him right now, I just couldn't ignore him at Christmas.
So he will get an invite, from me personally.

[Snowdrop]

Then again, I forgot to add that my H isn't involved at all with our family life, not one bit.  We do not see him, and he doesn't communicate whatsoever, so different case to many.

Last year he texted me the day before to say he wanted to come here on Christmas Day, his first time seeing the kids in 6 months or more since BD when he walked out.  I said it wasn't a good idea for his initial visit, and he didn't come.  The following week would have been fine, but not on Christmas Day.  The kids had a rough year and looking forward to it, and he wasn't going to ruin it.  It was a good call, and worked out better for the kids that way.  He has done enough damage.

In the summer, he came and dropped off our gifts.  Very sad in a way to see him unload everything, and he even sneaked in a gift for me, whispering to S "that's for mom".  Just the other day I thought how sad to think of him Christmas shopping last year and buying presents for us all.  How would we know, he doesn't speak to us.

Now he is with OW, it will be "their" Christmas, and their first together, so I'm sure he will have fun .  My kids have the choice to send him something, but I think they will refrain, who knows, maybe they will send him something, up to them.

He chose to not be in our lives, so whether to send him something is a choice we all have to make.  For me it is a no.  His treatment of his children is the lowest of the low, on top of everything else.  Christmas or no Christmas, I will not praise or give gifts to a man who is so disgusting to his family.  That being said, it isn't the reason why I am not giving him anything, I am just choosing not to.

For those who have a spouse they currently see or have them in their lives in some way, I think it might be different, but for us, he hasn't even given us an address.

All so, so sad as we used to have great Christmases, just the 4 of us.