[panda]

Searching - I had a little of that from my H.  He said he would be happy to live with me for the kids sake but that would include him having his other life with OW aswell.  It was set up for effect or to push movement of some kind.  He has gone now.  I agree with Superdog though - he is pushing you - he probably needs to go.  My H also used the line that he could not afford it- yet he has gone.

[Searching4Answers]

Searching - I had a little of that from my H.  He said he would be happy to live with me for the kids sake but that would include him having his other life with OW aswell.  It was set up for effect or to push movement of some kind.  He has gone now.  I agree with Superdog though - he is pushing you - he probably needs to go.  My H also used the line that he could not afford it- yet he has gone.

Interestingly enough H brought up my cashing him out of the house so that he could find something else  This is the right move for me. If he goes through with this then we may have a chance in the future. It is the first step in him taking some ownership for all of this. I suspect that he will be a clinger but I can deal with that much better if he is not constantly present.

[in it]

Clinging gets old pretty fast also..if there's a financial way to get him out of the house you may want to consider it to save your sanity.

Once he's out? Lay down the law and boundaries he cannot cross and garner some respect from him.

Ow in the picture? You -OUT.

(((Hugs)))

[31andcounting]

true..... I continue to say "I will NOT be part of a triangle"!!!!
EVER!!   My H was in EA.....several actually    The one thing I said throughout, once I found out was I will not live in a triangle, I never told him to leave, I never said I was leaving...I just said "not gonna do it"  your choice......he has ended the EA .  time will tell
321andcounting

[I reckon so]

Albatross,

I'm not trying to hijack but I was reading over an earlier REPLAY thread and it said, "shadow may appear in dreams and visions in various forms, and typically appears as a person as the same sex as that of the dreamer." (Sorry I don't know how to cut and paste quotes from the site). What exactly does this mean?

Thanks, I reckon so

[Lanzo]

According to Jung, the shadow, in being instinctive and irrational, is prone to projection: turning a personal inferiority into a perceived moral deficiency in someone else. Jung writes that if these projections are unrecognized "The projection-making factor (the Shadow archetype) then has a free hand and can realize its object--if it has one--or bring about some other situation characteristic of its power."

These projections insulate and cripple individuals by forming an ever thicker fog of illusion between the ego and the real world.

The shadow may appear in dreams and visions in various forms, and typically 'appears as a person of the same sex as that of the dreamer'. The shadow's appearance and role depend greatly on the living experience of the individual. Interactions with the shadow in dreams may shed light on one's state of mind. A conversation with the shadow may indicate that one is concerned with conflicting desires or intentions.

[Albatross]

Albatross,

I'm not trying to hijack but I was reading over an earlier REPLAY thread and it said, "shadow may appear in dreams and visions in various forms, and typically appears as a person as the same sex as that of the dreamer." (Sorry I don't know how to cut and paste quotes from the site). What exactly does this mean?

Thanks, I reckon so

Imagine object on light, that is the consciousness, what we are aware of self. Aware that we are alive. Every object on light have own shadow. Bigger ego have bigger shadow. Shadow is always bigger then object on light. Shadow is 10/11 of our brain, that is subconsciousness. Only 1/11 is what we aware. All emotions and all our past emotions, all what we lived is stored in shadow. We can't remember those, but that all is part of us.

When we sleep, means our consciousness sleep, all other - shadow never sleep 10/11 of our brain. And dreams come from shadow. Usually dreams are signs from shadow, our fears for example. And all what is repressed is there.

We dream every night, but we do not remember dreams well, or not remember  at all. But when we dream nightmare, release of psychic energy is enormous, means feelings are so strong and real that dream awake conscience. Then we are so aware what we dream about. We said, OMG that was so real with pictures, feelings, colors and so on...

[I reckon so]

Thanks Albatross,

I understand what Jung is saying now about the shadow in dreams. My wife was monster from Jan until Middle of April. Something happened in mid April and she was suddenly herself again. Clear of the fog, saying she was sorry and didn't know why she acted the way she did. She told me that during this time she felt weak and scrawny inside. That was so strange to me because she was so mean, forceful and sure of herself and projecting everything on me. I felt I was to blame for everything and that it was my fault totally. It was like there were two people inside of her. I thought the worst was over but the nightmare as everyone knows would get much worse. As I read the post and articles it makes things that she said and the way she acted make sense. My W hair is long and brunet and she started to curl it this past year. In August she bought a coffee mug with wonder woman on it. I wondered at the time if she was trying to convince herself that she was strong and independent. Man, I hated that coffee mug for some reason.

[Albatross]

"I should like to emphasize that the integration of the shadow, or the realization of the personal unconscious, marks the first stage in the analytic process, and that without it a recognition of anima and animus is impossible. The shadow can be realized only through a relation to a partner, and anima and animus only through a relation to a partner of the opposite sex, because only in such a relation do their projections become operative."

- Jung

[Searching4Answers]

"I should like to emphasize that the integration of the shadow, or the realization of the personal unconscious, marks the first stage in the analytic process, and that without it a recognition of anima and animus is impossible. The shadow can be realized only through a relation to a partner, and anima and animus only through a relation to a partner of the opposite sex, because only in such a relation do their projections become operative."

- Jung

Albatross, I understand the need to have the relationship with the opposite sex, however, does it need to involve intimacy? We all know that the OW is a symptom and I have always understood their role in this but I have also thought that the MLCer gets confused about what it is they need; they confuse their needs (closeness) with sex. Could the MLCer have a friendship with the opposite sex and still be able to move  through the tunnel? Would this then be considered a transition instead of of a crisis?