[LoveMeMyself]

Albatross,

    Just wondering, what are your thoughts regarding the MLC'er that is with another OM/OW for longer than 6 months to a year?  My exH is on his 3rd OW and it's getting close to one year since they've been together.  His 1st and 2nd OW's only lasted about 4 to 6 months each.  This one he is with now was his 3rd OW briefly but then he broke up with her for about a year.  He must have gotten lonely or couldn't find a replacement so he went back to her and now they have been together nearly a year.  From what I can tell......and that's not much.....he seems "settled"........and content.  I recently saw a picture of them together posted on FB and he certainly doesn't look the picture of happiness.  I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this type situation.

    Thanks.

[Albatross]

Albatross,

    Just wondering, what are your thoughts regarding the MLC'er that is with another OM/OW for longer than 6 months to a year?  My exH is on his 3rd OW and it's getting close to one year since they've been together.  His 1st and 2nd OW's only lasted about 4 to 6 months each.  This one he is with now was his 3rd OW briefly but then he broke up with her for about a year.  He must have gotten lonely or couldn't find a replacement so he went back to her and now they have been together nearly a year.  From what I can tell......and that's not much.....he seems "settled"........and content.  I recently saw a picture of them together posted on FB and he certainly doesn't look the picture of happiness.  I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this type situation.

    Thanks.

Most likely he must to have someone. MLCers does not like being alone. You two don't have contact when he was alone ?

[Snowdrop]

My exH is on his 3rd OW and it's getting close to one year since they've been together.  His 1st and 2nd OW's only lasted about 4 to 6 months each.  This one he is with now was his 3rd OW briefly but then he broke up with her for about a year. 

Sad isn't it.  I bet each time he gets a new one, he's so sure this is the one   Wonder what is next, OW#4?  Sticking it out for a while with OW#3 even if they are miserable?  Who knows.  Very sad.  He's not happy.

[LoveMeMyself]

Albatross,

    I do not know if/when he is alone.  I can only guess at times.  We have very little contact.  I haven't physically seen him in over two years now.  Earlier on he told me he wanted to be alone...that was a lie....he already had OW#1 waiting.  He also told me that he was a very sick man........depression.....and that I should run for my life as far away as possible.  At one point I asked him why he felt another woman could handle his depression and be with him better than me.  He said he had wondered about that himself.  Didn't make sense.  He has also vowed that he will never remarry.......ever again.  I'm his second marriage.  He said he just wants female friends.....not a relationship.  As I see it.......he is in a one woman relationship right now.  She is 10 years older.  I can tell that she is truly infatuated with him......having a younger man attracted to her.  I have noticed in the past that when he was without an OW he was nicer toward me.  More responsive.  Now.......not so much.  He is very distant and keeps his responses very brief...........at the times we happen to communicate.....which isn't very often.  I'd like to communicate more........or at least try to......but everyone here says go NC........or just keep it strictly business.  We do not have children together........only share a vacation property.  That's the only connection for us.  He recently replied in an email (only means of communication) that he hoped I was doing well.......and he asked about the animals. 

Snowdrop..........I do think he is only with her because he ran out of options and the thought of returning to me probably wasn't even considered.  However, I do believe that he may have tried had he not been able to get hooked back up with OW#3.....I actually count her as #4 since they broke up for a year.  I do not really seem him as truly happy.  Not really. 

[Snowdrop]

LMM - for sure.  Oh, he'll be replaced soon enough when OW finds a new toy boy   Sad, empty soul, isn't he.

[Lanzo]

 

she wants to be divorced asap as  I was not  able to understand the pain she is in staying in that house with me. The other one was she has this pain in her head and she just wants to get her own identity back, she no longer want to be know with my  surname, she just wants to go back to her own (maiden) name. I so wanted to ask her more about the pain she was in but I just didn’t know how to phrase it.

Hi Albatross,

I just posted this on my thread but I wanted to put it out to wider viewing,  what do you make of this about W being in pain and wanting to get her own identity back. I thought these comment were very interesting from a MLC, Tunnel, Replay point of view. She has worn her mask very well in front of me but I think this the first time she has let it slip.


Lanzo

[hopeandfaith]

Lanzo, I have just been reading some of the 'validating' articles by Al Turtle that are listed on the front page of the standing actions thread.  They give great tips on how to create a safe environment for someone to share info.  Of course, I am not sure if this advice is applicable in MLC because we are often told that any form of enquiry can be seen as pushing.  I would encourage you to read it though because RCR posted these articles (so I guess that's an endorsement right there).  I think MLC or not, I think everyone appreciates someone who is willing to listen.  It can sometimes help them sort out what it is they are trying to say as well. 

It's very interesting to read what she said about going back to her own identity.  I'll be interested to see what's posted here in reply to your question on that.

[toughtimes]

Going back to her own identity, this is MLC script from my experience with my MLCer and a friend who is clearly MLC, my H said he wanted to go back and fix himself properly. He has been going to all the places he and I used to go to when we were in our mid twenties and ow is 23, the age he was when we met. An ex colleague contacted me a few years ago and said she wanted to get in touch with people who she knew before her H. When she got here with her H and two sons, she told me she had fallen in love with her soul mate (another dad at her kids school) and that she married her h with her head not her heart. MLC SCRIPT.

MLC is a crisis of SELF, they have to lose themselves, all of them, they don't know which is real anymore, in order to find themselves, as I see it. That is very simplistic but kind of makes sense to me. I remember feeling so freaked out by my Hs change in personality and behaviour I said he was like a chameleon, always changing to fit the people around him. When he talked just before BD he said he didn't know who he was anymore, he felt like a chameleon. RCR wrote a really good blog about the teen years and how we try on different personas and try out different personalities as a right of passage. She states that this is what our MLCers are doing, I can really relate to that.

Much love TT xx

[Snowdrop]

So, if they seek people from their past, even relationships, do you have any idea if, once they come out of the tunnel, they maintain them, or do they realize once again, not what they expected.

[Albatross]

So let simplify first.

- Dissolution of persona - person changed a lot and turned inward a lot.
- ESCAPE & AVOID start when merger with shadow start and they cycle a lot.
- After merger with shadow finished they become dual person monster - prisoner.
- Then they have to deal with animus/anima, there REPLAY starts.
- After they make dissolution of animus - anima there is next phase, dealing with self.
- Rebirth and reintegration - dealing with Self.