[Albatross]

'The integration of the shadow, or the realization of the personal unconscious, marks the first stage of the analytic process...without it a recognition of anima and animus is impossible'.[30] Conversely 'to the degree to which the shadow is recognized and integrated, the problem of the anima, i.e., of relationship, is constellated',[31] and becomes the centre of the individuation quest.

Nevertheless Jungians warn that 'acknowledgement of the shadow must be a continuous process throughout one's life';[32] and even after the focus of individuation has moved on to the animus/anima, 'the later stages of shadow integration' will continue to take place - the grim 'process of washing one's dirty linen in private',[33] accepting one's shadow.

[Albatross]

Basically shadow is merged with ego but shadow is not under control of ego. Means shadow become part of conciseness, and You have now dual personality, like light and shadow, in opposite way. Two personalities in one, monster and prisoner.  Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

Shadow is huge and posses huge energy. And so long time shadow is repressed part of Self. So, it is logical that person become very egocentric, selfish. And all repressed - shadow now have to be realized and maintenance balance. That is the reason why shadow personality now is stronger and lead MLCer. He still wear mask - old personality. Person become treacherous and delusional. So, one can be possessed by shadow and gain more clarity when ego take lead. They are in neurotic state even in psychotic state. They use regression of ego as defense mechanism, use maladaptive coping mechanism and use immature defensive mechanisms.

Using so regressive immature defense mechanisms they doing extreme projections, including anima/animus. There come adultery... dreams, fantasies released.

[Albatross]

 The stages of psychological development progress like this:

1.     Discovery of opposites - the conscious (& Ego?) is born
2.     Preference of opposites - the Shadow is born
3.     Out of opposites comes a distinction between I and not-I.  The qualities identified with at this stage are not uniquely individual, but identified with the collective - this is the beginning of the development of the Persona.
4.     Persona development - copying others in order to ‘fit in’.
5.     Re-cognizing the Persona (become conscious of the MASK).
6.     Dissolution of the Persona - strictly by ‘act of will’.
7.     Persona complex gets replaced by Archetypes
8.     Re-cognizing the Archetypes:
9.     Dissolution of the Archetypes:  (the Shadow, the Anima or Animus, and the Self)
10.   Individuation

[Albatross]

7.     Persona complex gets replaced by Archetypes

This is crucial. Means person is ruled by bloody Archetypes and ego is small and very confused. Person is lead by Shadow, Animus / Anima, Self.

I remember when my wife write in FB convo to her MLCer GF that she does not know why she feel strong attraction to other man ! And she said that she must find out why ! Also, when she wrote this article on her blog we talk about it and she shows me that she is driven only by emotion and then we had fight. Then both of us get into cognitive resonance. Her emotions create facts for her and my ratio has facts. It was unavoidable that we are two different worlds about issue. Because she take strong defense defending own stand with no arguments, we fell in "circular conversation" where no progress. And then she said, that she must live because I can't stand that she live with me and for example I am absent from home 5 days because I wanna be with other man ! Insane ? It is !

[Searching4Answers]

Using so regressive immature defense mechanisms they doing extreme projections, including anima/animus. There come adultery... dreams, fantasies released.

Nevertheless Jungians warn that 'acknowledgement of the shadow must be a continuous process throughout one's life';[32] and even after the focus of individuation has moved on to the animus/anima, 'the later stages of shadow integration' will continue to take place - the grim 'process of washing one's dirty linen in private',[33] accepting one's shadow.

Thanks Albatross  This makes so much sense to me.

[Searching4Answers]

Albatross,

My H is clearly still in replay although the replay behaviors have seemed to slowed quite a bit; no OW that I can see, broke up with xOW about 10 weeks ago (she has tried to contact him but I don't think he has replied). I am struggling with how move forward; stay living together or not. I think that I can deal with living together so long as there is no OW but he keeps talking about wanting to date  He wants to live as roommates which is difficult for me. He knows that I will accept him having another OW and I will leave him but thus far he seems to be on good behavior.

How do I encourage this to continue this way? I know it is better if he doesn't move out but obviously that is not within my control.

[Albatross]

Albatross,

My H is clearly still in replay although the replay behaviors have seemed to slowed quite a bit; no OW that I can see, broke up with xOW about 10 weeks ago (she has tried to contact him but I don't think he has replied). I am struggling with how move forward; stay living together or not. I think that I can deal with living together so long as there is no OW but he keeps talking about wanting to date  He wants to live as roommates which is difficult for me. He knows that I will accept him having another OW and I will leave him but thus far he seems to be on good behavior.

How do I encourage this to continue this way? I know it is better if he doesn't move out but obviously that is not within my control.

You have control only on self. It is about You, not about him. Search Your soul what you want. You should tell him that You will not tolerate that he have affair and living together, and what You will do about it if that happens.

[Searching4Answers]

You have control only on self. It is about You, not about him. Search Your soul what you want. You should tell him that You will not tolerate that he have affair and living together, and what You will do about it if that happens.

He is very much aware that I will not tolerate another OW. We have had quite a few discussions around living arrangements lately; I said that I should not be the one to leave, so he started talking about him moving out. I stayed quiet on the subject as much as I could  and about a week later he declares that he can't afford to move out and I will have to find a way to deal with him dating  (he can totally afford to move out if he wanted to) He did try to guilt me by saying he didn't think it was fair that he was going to have to sell some of his stuff; I told him that is his choice there are options other than selling your things. Actuallly he has been trying to throw the dating thing in my face a lot lately, I am not sure what to think of it. Anyway, it seems that he wants to date (aka look for sex) and he wants to live me; not sure how this is going to end up. 

[superdog]

Sorry, searching for answers, but "not tolerate another ow". Hmmmmm why did you even tolerate the first one?  Now he thinks it's absolutely okay to do that, he gets away with it and you go nowhere or rather he gets to stay exactly where he is. Really!!! Wants to date and you have to deal with it, get him gone. You are better than that.

Sd
X

[Searching4Answers]

Sorry, searching for answers, but "not tolerate another ow". Hmmmmm why did you even tolerate the first one?  Now he thinks it's absolutely okay to do that, he gets away with it and you go nowhere or rather he gets to stay exactly where he is. Really!!! Wants to date and you have to deal with it, get him gone. You are better than that.

Sd
X

I did leave him for about a week and he broke up with OW because he didn't want to lose me. I did 'tolerate' it for much longer than I should have, it took me a while to get my bearings back. That will not happen again.
In H's head we are best friends living as roommates so he should be able to date  I think most of the dating talk is to test my reactions; I am gone if he starts dating, he knows that I am not going to put myself through that. The ball is in his court.

And I agree, I am better than that