[JustFine&Dandy]

I've read in a few threads how the MLC has affected family pets.  I am just curious about others' stories and if the MLC'er was able to reconnect as they progressed.

We have a yellow Labrador Retriever named Biscuit.  We bought him five years ago as a birthday gift for our son, but B developed a special bond with H.  We always referred to H as B's "Daddy" and H affectionately called B his "Big Baby."

After BD, H seemed to detach from B just like he did with the kids.  B mopes around and stays close to me these days.  He doesn't seem to get as excited as he used to when his "Daddy" comes home.  It really is like B knows he has changed.  He may smell the same, but his spirit is different...

B also seems confused about the sleeping arrangements.  Many nights he would jump up on our bed and sleep with us.  Now, he seems to alternate sleeping near the bed that I'm in with sleeping outside the small extra room where H sleeps.

I think also that B picks up on my sadness and confusion.  Sometimes when we go on walks I look at his big brown eyes and I know he understands how I feel.  He is such a good, loving creature, and it is sad to know the MLC affects him, too.

[Patience]

Sharon, We don't have pets so I can't answer from that perspective, but I can share a story with you.  Dogs know things. The afternoon before a family member passed away the family dog sat on his lap for 45 minutes.  It was unusual for this family member to sit that long, and it was unusual for the dog to be that patient.  If only they could talk

[Trustandlove]

Sharon,

Again, we have cats rather than dogs so it doesn't apply directly, but I agree that dogs know things -- I was at my brother's last summer, and found myself very upset....  it was the dog who came to comfort me, licking my face, etc.  You could absolutely tell that he knew. 

I'm not even a dog person, so certainly didn't seek him out.

[Purple stain]

We have a doggie (no kids yet) and we used to refer to each other to "daddy" and "mommy" as well. Our doggies used to sleep between us (unfortunately a bad habit/these days a good one LOL since I'm alone in bed). When I moved out of our bedroom, she was very confused and used to sleep a couple of hours with me then a couple of hours with H. Prior to MLC, she used to cuddle with H and lick his face for 30+ minutes when he got home. She was "daddy's little girl". Since MLC, she follows me around like a shadow.

H has started reconnecting with her. He is training her again (did a new trick with her) and works on polishing tricks. However, when all this started, sometimes she would wait for several minutes before she'd make her way slowly to the door to great him. Sometimes he petted her and sometimes he didn't. Now, she's more excited to see him again.

and oh yes, she knows when I'm sad (or used to be)...best cuddle partner ever. Since H has been sleeping on the couch, she slept by him once or twice in about 3 months. As soon as I go upstairs, she's usually coming with me unless there's food for her LOL

To answer your question, yes, my H has been reconnecting with her. And he's also smiling more often when he plays with her. Seems to be a good sign.

so both thumbs up

[LettingGo]

My husband "chose" our dog from Petfinders.com shortly after his Dad passed away... I took charge of crate training, etc. because we had always been at odds about how to have a pet - husband thought you just got a dog and they stayed outside and if they had an "accident" you rubbed their nose in it, that's how they do it in his family, whereas, I feel a pet should be treated as a family member and live indoors and not outdoors and isolated.

Anyway, the dog is a little high strung (like my husband, LOL!) but never chewed on anything or tore anything up... he's very low maintenance! No visits to the vet other than shots, very easy. Still, my husband just never seemed to bond with him and would occasionally "tease" him in a way that was disturbing to me... he would do things to startle him and then laugh at our dog's distress. I was concerned because that is sociopathic behavior...

NOW when he comes to visit, he is kind to our dog and pets him and is a little bit affectionate and definitely patient if the dog is underfoot (which he always is in this small space!). Our dog is always glad to see him and jumps up with the kids to seek affection when "Daddy" comes home. IF this is an example of a permanent change that comes with MLC, bring on some more! I remember that he cried when he saw his picture on Petfinders and said "that's the one. I want him..." and I had to write an essay proving we would be a good family for him before we were allowed to adopt him. It was a happy day...

[hyperglad]

Ha LG this gets more bizare my H was exactly the same with our dog...teasing her because he knew it would upset me..and get me annoyed. He too is now nicer to her (well was last time i let him in Ha) and he even booked her to get cut without me asking.

[justasking]

When my H left he couldn't get the dogs to behave. They run all over him and continually jump up, something they have never been allowed to do.

If he sends them to their box they stand and stare at him as if they won't bother.

Before BD H was the pack leader now I think they see him as totally subservient to them in the pecking order. Prior to BD he had total control over them.

Recently H has been able to stamp his authority on them again at times i.e when told they went to their box. Interesting that replay is subsiding.

[Glimmer]

Hi, we don't have dogs, our family pet is a cat.

Since H moved out last November, she has completely ignored him when he has visited. Normally she would have rubbed  round his legs and wait for him to fuss her. Now she just looks at him as if to say 'who are you' and walks away.

In the last couple of weeks I have noticed him stroking her fur and talking to her a little, but what the cat is thinking I have no idea. If only they could talk!! 

[Undaunted]

Strangely enough, it was the loss of a pet that (in part) triggered H's MLC. I had a cat for nearly 20 years. She was already with me when H and I met. In fact, she was skittish of all strangers . . . except H, from the first time she met him. She was a big part of the reason I realized I was supposed to marry him.

She had cancer and passed in June of this year, the night before H returned from his first mysterious "escape" to another country. He called to tell me when to fetch him from the airport and asked how she was. I had to tell him she had passed. He was very, very sad. It felt to both of us like the end of something . . . much more than just the loss of a pet. She was not so much our baby as our very best friend.

H surprised me with two new kittens a month later. I was not ready for new pets . . . but he insisted. Yet he never bonded with the kittens. He deliberately avoided becoming friends with them. It was so odd . . . made me uneasy. When the big BD occurred two months later, I realized that he had been planning to escape for many months, thus he did not want to be close with the kittens.

They are a blessing to me, my little companions. But I look at them and realize that they were like a parting gift from H.

[JustFine&Dandy]

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories.  It's so strange how the MLC'er acts so different to the pets and how receptive pets are to the situation.

We also have a cat that is acting different.  She is rather aloof and warms up to only a few people.  Before, she always slept downstairs.  After BD and after H and I stopped sleeping in the same bed, she started sleeping with me.  She always lays on or next to my legs.  It's like she knew I was lonely and needed some company...