[bestfriends]

Just wondering, did people see their significant other lose contact with their family for quite awhile before BD?  I did and it concerned me.  I think that is when I realized he was disconnecting with all of us and really depressed.

[i can and will cope]

yes thinking about it now my h starting saying he didnt want this person or that person in his life any more he was sick of them , doesnt need them , he apologised to me for all the things he had put me through 20 years ago, he was sorry we didnt have the big house he was sorry he didnt have any money and we never had any (we used to go on holidays all the time to Florida as a family and to Tenerife just the two of us and weekends awway , I NEVER  showed any disattifaction with our life and what we had and where we were) but prior to BD i fell out with my friend after working for her we were fiends for 45 years so this caused me to have no in come and made me quite depressed )

h went on THAT holiday in Dec 11 then came back and on Jan 27 2012 told me he just had to do this and wanted a divorce was totally shell shocked as everything else seemed to be fine

[Darth Obo]

Just wondering, did people see their significant other lose contact with their family for quite awhile before BD?  I did and it concerned me.  I think that is when I realized he was disconnecting with all of us and really depressed.

Hard for me to tell with mine, but I do know for the longest time, she only had contact with her mother. Her father is deceased and the rest of her family is about as dysfunctional as it gets (both ours are)!

She also started disconnecting with certain friends and gaining new ones. Not a younger crowd as one would expect, just different.

Recently she has reconnected with a couple of her cousins and some other family. Her original "BFF" is also just now coming back into the picture after about 1.5 years (they had contact, but weren't tied to the hip like they were). In fact, the two of them are having lunch tomorrow and doing some shopping (i.e. I get to GAL and go blast down targets at the range! )


-OneByOne-

[hawk]

You think Jack , thanks very much for that reply . l know the others have thought so to but me , hell with everything else that was going on with us and her , basically l was just as confused as hell about all that side of things.
And thanks so much for the instructions on how to be with her now as l've been so mixed about all that also , with anger often hovering around underneath even still.
l'm not sure if om is still around , he's not allowed round my daughter and W is home everey night and it seems most wkends to when l have d so l just can't tell . l could ask her but l'm not ready for the answer so l haven't.

Just on family stuff . Mine started seeing more of her family . For awhile she was using them as support for my d and her . l said your fkg family is not going to replace our daughters family or father so don't for one second think that's going to happen. There was a fight and l blasted her for forcing them onto my d so early on and with what she was already trying to deal with.
Mine are 3hrs away and d and l have never driven down just us two so l've held back on that until she adjusts a better.
W is still seeing a lot of hers , they're 2hrs away . She's become really close to her mum agaion - who never did like me much and the parents often come up for the day.
The mum stayed 2wks a few wks before Christmas . l had to come and go for d , seeing the mil , never thought l'd see her again , one nice thing.
She was pretty b!tchy and l think she'd was influencing W a fair bit .

[Searching4Answers]

Roughly the first half of our relationship we didn't see much of H's family; the second half we were very close. So basically 8 years off then 8 years on. About 6 months after BD H cut ties with family. I was already having a hard time dealing with BD and I was furious about him pulling away from the family. The family has been going through a lot and we had a wonderful support system until H blew all to hell. It angered me that he destroyed my support system but infuriated me that he took his support away from them when they really needed it. I am still welcomed in his family with open arms even though I find it difficult to go to them except for his dad.

[Serendipity]

My H was never really close to his parents.  His mom was a controlling B***H.  H was more of a rebel teenager.  we pretty much had no relationship with them our entire marriage.  we only saw them on holidays, and an occasional dinner invite.  While H was taking a break for 2 weeks before BD living with his buddy, he reconnected with his dad.  Discussed his issues with his dad while having a beer.  This was a big deal.  H's parents are extremely conservative and do not drink.  Come to find out, H was reaching out to his dad to ask for advice about how to leave me.  He is playing the victim really well.  He has told everyone that he's been living a lie, that I was horrible to him.  His parents do not know not to believe him because they had no relationship with him.  they don't really know him.  Or me, for that matter.  But right after BD, H went too dinner at his parents house atleast once a week, and said he was so happy to be reconnecting with them.  his mom even took him to Florida.  So, his parents are really encouraging him to do this.  i'm screwed.  they bought him a bed for his apt, and have even offered to pay for the D.  If they really knew their son, and anything about us, they would know something was off.  But they are thrilled that he is reconnecting with them.  therefore, I am the devil and they tell him he is doing the right thing.   Its so frustrating. 

So, I have his parents and his rommate cheering him on.  His roommate is recently divorced.  I really worry about that.  With all this encouragement, how is supposed to see he's messed up?!
 

[Standing in Patience]

I thought I saw somewhere if the OW or OM is still in play, then the MLCer is still in replay. My MLCer OW is still in the picture since 7/10. Ugh.

Do you agree?

[hawk]

I thought I saw somewhere if the OW or OM is still in play, then the MLCer is still in replay. My MLCer OW is still in the picture since 7/10. Ugh.

Do you agree?

Yeah it couldn't be good that's for sure. ldeally it'd be great for all that to just turn to sh!t and disintegrate . That's gotta hopefully get them rethinking the whole greener grass thing surely.

l know with mine , unless that turns to sh!t l don't think l've got a hope so everything's crossed.
l just can't tell without asking , there's no clues round the house or in her car. Even today when l picked up d , W said she was just gonna spend the day on the couch , works been pretty heavy.
Surely if there is still om she'd be rushing to him after being home bound every night of the wk.
She has changed a lot around me just of 3-4mths now. There's been some hand touches and brushing , few footsies, could be teasing/testing to though - like is my plan B still there thing , not sure.  She chops and changes a fair bit and every time l'm sure she's turning she does a flip back to whatever .

[hawk]

My H was never really close to his parents.  His mom was a controlling B***H.  H was more of a rebel teenager.  we pretty much had no relationship with them our entire marriage.  we only saw them on holidays, and an occasional dinner invite.  While H was taking a break for 2 weeks before BD living with his buddy, he reconnected with his dad.  Discussed his issues with his dad while having a beer.  This was a big deal.  H's parents are extremely conservative and do not drink.  Come to find out, H was reaching out to his dad to ask for advice about how to leave me.  He is playing the victim really well.  He has told everyone that he's been living a lie, that I was horrible to him.  His parents do not know not to believe him because they had no relationship with him.  they don't really know him.  Or me, for that matter.  But right after BD, H went too dinner at his parents house atleast once a week, and said he was so happy to be reconnecting with them.  his mom even took him to Florida.  So, his parents are really encouraging him to do this.  i'm screwed.  they bought him a bed for his apt, and have even offered to pay for the D.  If they really knew their son, and anything about us, they would know something was off.  But they are thrilled that he is reconnecting with them.  therefore, I am the devil and they tell him he is doing the right thing.   Its so frustrating. 

So, I have his parents and his rommate cheering him on.  His roommate is recently divorced.  I really worry about that.  With all this encouragement, how is supposed to see he's messed up?!
 

Sorry about your sitch S . Pretty sure l've got the MIL in W's court myself to. l'm sure she;s thinking she gets to see her daughter and granddaughter now anytime she wants , life is good.
I lost both my parents 3 yrs ago so she doesn't even have to worry about competition any more .

Bad news for you is now it's gonna look like it was you keeping him away . Parents can be sooo selfish with this stuff l've noticed and they might not give a damn seems they're getting him back . l hope someone can offer some help with fighting that one , good luck to us both .
l decided l'm not gonna suck up to mil but l will try to just be comfortably nice kinda thing . See if l can bring her round a bit.

[Serendipity]

My H was never really close to his parents.  His mom was a controlling B***H.  H was more of a rebel teenager.  we pretty much had no relationship with them our entire marriage.  we only saw them on holidays, and an occasional dinner invite.  While H was taking a break for 2 weeks before BD living with his buddy, he reconnected with his dad.  Discussed his issues with his dad while having a beer.  This was a big deal.  H's parents are extremely conservative and do not drink.  Come to find out, H was reaching out to his dad to ask for advice about how to leave me.  He is playing the victim really well.  He has told everyone that he's been living a lie, that I was horrible to him.  His parents do not know not to believe him because they had no relationship with him.  they don't really know him.  Or me, for that matter.  But right after BD, H went too dinner at his parents house atleast once a week, and said he was so happy to be reconnecting with them.  his mom even took him to Florida.  So, his parents are really encouraging him to do this.  i'm screwed.  they bought him a bed for his apt, and have even offered to pay for the D.  If they really knew their son, and anything about us, they would know something was off.  But they are thrilled that he is reconnecting with them.  therefore, I am the devil and they tell him he is doing the right thing.   Its so frustrating. 

So, I have his parents and his rommate cheering him on.  His roommate is recently divorced.  I really worry about that.  With all this encouragement, how is supposed to see he's messed up?!
 

Sorry about your sitch S . Pretty sure l've got the MIL in W's court myself to. l'm sure she;s thinking she gets to see her daughter and granddaughter now anytime she wants , life is good.
I lost both my parents 3 yrs ago so she doesn't even have to worry about competition any more .

Bad news for you is now it's gonna look like it was you keeping him away . Parents can be sooo selfish with this stuff l've noticed and they might not give a damn seems they're getting him back . l hope someone can offer some help with fighting that one , good luck to us both .
l decided l'm not gonna suck up to mil but l will try to just be comfortably nice kinda thing . See if l can bring her round a bit.

yup.  h has already told me that i was the reason for their relationship suffereing.... say what?  they talk about it all the time.  he even told me that his aunt and uncle said i was awkward to b around.  thats bs.  those people loved me.  his mom and i didnt get along.  i'm not one to put up with bs and fake people.  i was respectful to her and nice, but we were not close.  she used to save the wanted ads for h and circle them.  lecturing him on getting a good job with insurance.  all of the sudden he adores his mom.  whats that about? he used me as a scapegoat.  he has painted me in an awful picture.  and i hate it.  he does it with his friends too.  im the devil to everyone   which couldnt be further from the truth.