[What contact type is your MLCer?]

What contact type is your MLCer?

Clinger/Boomerang

17 (42.5%)

Vanisher

14 (35%)

On and off

9 (22.5%)

Total Members Voted: 40

[superdog]

I have what appears to be the biggest clinger on HS site. Living at home.
When he moved out I had to shove him out the door. I am quite sure he would have let six months rent go by without actually staying there if I hadn't. And within a few weeks he wanted to come back. I said no.

While he was gone, you'd have thought he still lived here the amount of time he spent at my house. He used to ask to come and stay over every weekend pretty much. Txt every day and called.

My h is all the things thAt RCR describes in her list about clinging boomerangs, most tellingly the dependent or co dependent part.  Needy needy needy. Hates being ignored. Still very much refers to himself as my husband, though I don't.

And I agree, if I actually could have lifted the couch I would have dropped it on his head several times !

SD
X

[trusting]

SD, that's an even better idea.  My H has been sleeping on a couch the past few years and I hope to burn it when he is done with his crisis.

[Breakingthecycle]

I don't really know what type my H is.  We run a business together so that requires fairly regular contact which probably distorts everything.  He's not living at home, has no intention of living it home but did spend Christmas night here ( after a lot of humming and hawing) so we could make an early start to our business trip! 

How can you tell what sort they are if business commitments mean contact?

[Conniekids]

Clinging Boomerang. Never left moved in garage. If other woman hiding very well. Holds onto phone for dear life. Pleasant no monstering since last year. Ow could have been his job, just got fired B4 Christmas was staying out late drinking every night after work. Been home & more like himself since Christmas. Gave me a great Christmas gift. Came over to daughters house to take grandaughter out to ride bike he got her for Christmas.

[limitless]

Started as a clinger.

Moved into an on offer.

After the divorce, became a vanisher

[living with Hope]

Mine started off as a clinging boomerang.  That lasted for over 2.5 years. Based on pressure from the OW, he is now more of a "vanisher" with me.  No contact at all or will even look in my direction when at a child's event.
He does have contact with the children. Only texting and he can go days or weeks without that. He will spend about an hour or two with one child when he does. This has been going on since the summer. 

He still at almost 3 years hides where he lives from everyone (he has now moved in with his honey - He thinks that I am totally clueless).

[sparrow]

For the most part vanisher. Starting by threatening to move out to live with his mother and spoke about it like it was shangri la. Packed up his clothes and left two days after BD. I was a clinger in the beginning but he ignored me, and I learned how to detach. Now he pokes me with text messages and phone calls to try and push my buttons and play games. He's still sleeping in his mom's sewing room.

[nah]

Sparrow- if it's been less than 3 months and he pokes you with messages , it might seem like it to you but he is not a vanisher at this point.

[Anjae]

started has a super clinger, moved to boomerang when I come back home, than on and off than vanisher and vanisher has been for years. Except Mr J tries little silly things (divorce court cases, changing things with my moble provider, etc) to tell me he is still out there. And he leads a public life, showing up on the press, etc.

[hawk]

Hi Sunny 

I would be curious to know if they are living at home or not.  I have a clinging boomerang that lives at home. We are 1 year post BD and he has no inclination to leave home. He is quite content with being roommates! I guess I have made things too comfortable 

l couldn't imagine that. But at least if there is no one else on the scene for them , there's a chance they can come good and save the marriage.
We talked about it at first , if you could call it talk when your in a state of shock and heartbreak.
Our place was a treed 1ac so there was room to add something else around the place which l was doing anyway. Just an American barn out the back but with living in the top section.
Ex thought l was planning on leaving her anyway and living in that, nother story but so, she said why don't we just go ahead with the barn anyway and still live on the property.
My first reply was so oh , we go through hell for 5yrs to buy the place and now l end up living out the back like a dog in a kennel on my own place um , bit degrading.
Sometimes though l wish we did do it. At least it keeps the family together still and 1/4's the expenses of rents away and selling the property .

Maybe l could've would've , but in what , while having my ex leaving the house daily to go and be with another man , forget it.
That's the part l would not do , not even in the hope that we get back together soooo, it didn't happen.