[What contact type is your MLCer?]

What contact type is your MLCer?

Clinger/Boomerang

17 (42.5%)

Vanisher

14 (35%)

On and off

9 (22.5%)

Total Members Voted: 40

[Sunny]

Hi all

Probably has been done before but I'm just curious of what numbers of MLCer contact types are represented amongst us. Thanks for voting! 

[Mamma Bear]

Mine is a clingy boomerang once a month. It lasts for a week.
Otherwise he goes 3 weeks without a peep.

Still on our bank acct. doesn't take $ out.
Still on our car insurance. Direct deposits that from his paycheck.
Never changed his address from here.
Never filed anything legally.
We still do our income taxes together.

Weird. He lives with Farkle Family. 

[Searching4Answers]

Hi Sunny 

I would be curious to know if they are living at home or not.  I have a clinging boomerang that lives at home. We are 1 year post BD and he has no inclination to leave home. He is quite content with being roommates! I guess I have made things too comfortable 

[Mamma Bear]

searching,
if my H lived here for the last 34 months I would have smothered his selfish a**  a long  time ago w/ a couch cushion.   

 He said I pushed him away but his own withdrawal, anger and lack of coping skills brought us here.

 OW lets him rant and rave and stares at him and the Ds like 'is this really happening?'  

 it's a spectrum all right.
different contact levels at different times.
We shouldn't fear when they're quiet.
It's growth beneath the surface.

[Searching4Answers]

searching,
if my H lived here for the last 34 months I would have smothered his selfish a**  a long  time ago w/ a couch cushion   

That thought has crossed my mind frequently  H's dad has asked me not to kill him    as clinging as H is I don't know if there would be much difference if he didn't live here.

[panda]

Searching - My H originally was happy to live like room mates.  He moved upstairs - it was just weird.  I truly he believe he did in fact move out because of pressure from OW.  I also did not beg him to stay.

Regarding contact types - not sure - we still have joint account, he has a couple of bills coming out that he doesn't seem to want to move.  He has not changed his address on most things either.  Although he has moved all his stuff out.  I see him weekly re the children.  He has never once seemed confused about his decision to be with OW.  Does it make him a boomerang?  Never seen him as a clinger.  I am not sure.

[Sunny]

Searching, yes it would be good to know how many MLCers are home. Another poll maybe? Mine has never been back since the day he left, some 16 months ago.

Panda, I can see its not so clear for everyone. Not everyone falls into the categories. I do think one day it would be good to have alternative categories as right now the category descriptions are quite broad. I don't think your H is a clinger or boomerang. It's difficult to say isn't it!

I think I did this poll for me to see I am not the only one with a Vanisher. My mind knows it but sometimes it is very lonely as the spouse of a Vanisher. But I know everyone has their troubles with their MLCer, no one is immune.

[trusting]

I think it is hard to qualify contact type for at home MLCers since we do have regular contact with them because of the living situation, if nothing else.  Mine has never left home, almost five years post BD.  We still have joint accounts.  Our lives are still entwined in many ways though he has lived his life without concern for me and the kids. 

if my H lived here for the last 34 months I would have smothered his selfish a**  a long  time ago w/ a couch cushion.   

I will admit the thought has crossed my mind more than once...

[Searching4Answers]

Searching - My H originally was happy to live like room mates.  He moved upstairs - it was just weird.  I truly he believe he did in fact move out because of pressure from OW.  I also did not beg him to stay.

H is looking on dating sites for the next OW; at this point being roommates hasn't cramped his style yet but I agree with you Panda it is probably the OW that pressures them to move out.

I think it is hard to qualify contact type for at home MLCers since we do have regular contact with them because of the living situation, if nothing else.  Mine has never left home, almost five years post BD.  We still have joint accounts.  Our lives are still entwined in many ways though he has lived his life without concern for me and the kids. 

Trusting, I agree that it may be hard to tell what type they are because of the constant contact. I label mine a clinger because the mention of moving out makes him crawl into the fetal position  he has serious issues with being alone.
I don't know how you do it..........5 years!!!! You are one strong woman.

[trusting]

I don't know how you do it..........5 years!!!! You are one strong woman.

...or completely crazy.  No, I got into a mode where I was able to step back and not pay (much) attention to him and what he was doing.  Now that he is around more and more involved with the family again, it is making detachment difficult once again.  Sigh.

I don't call mine a clinger because he hasn't expressed in words or action any interest in having a relationship with me for the duration, but I would call him a boomerang since he is still around.