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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction

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Mirror-Work Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#10: March 08, 2014, 05:49:26 AM
  Or.. Reinventing,  when people don't take the advice they asked for and then something negative happens as a result and they come back to whine and you are stuck trying not to say "I told you so"

  I say "rinse a canker sore with salt water"

  They go eat tabasco.

   They come back.

   "Waaaaaah"

   Me "Go away I tried to help you and YOU don't listen! bye Bye"

   lol

  D11 sleigh rode down our front lawn and smashed into Hs Mercedes at 7 pm last night while we stood on the top steps watching.....My face was priceless... :o :o :o ;D

  H?  Balistic. Had to calm him down "there there...aw"

  I'm like a weird hippy over here near Woodstock. Everyone crashing through here like it were an Emergency Room. :o

   Take a number folks....and a band aid. ::)



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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#11: March 08, 2014, 06:08:26 AM
Was he concerned about his daughter at all??  :o  :o :o    Cars can be fixed.
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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#12: March 08, 2014, 06:08:43 AM
So he was more worried about the car than D?
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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#13: March 08, 2014, 06:13:33 AM
  Yup.

Totally lost it!  Loud!

 She and her little friend were sitting backwards and holding hands on those round disk sleds.

They hit their backs into the door tipped over and started laughing.


 ::)  Once again reminding us how out of it in the FOG they are.

       He almost looks like "Why am I this way?"   after things calm down.

       I'm like Alice Brady ....  just looking on rub his arm and sigh. Not mine to fix.

       Now D11 wants a cool elbow brace for her booboo...... ;)

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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#14: March 08, 2014, 06:14:57 AM
Whew!! I thought you were saying he totally lost it over the car possibly being dented.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#15: March 08, 2014, 07:03:49 AM
Whew!! I thought you were saying he totally lost it over the car possibly being dented.

That wouldn't really be a big surprise, though, with a monstery MLCer.  "She broke my toy!".  Developmentally Deranged - great band name! ;)

And that's how I channel my anger: dark humor.  If my hackles are up over something Hoss or anyone else has done, another thing I do is woods walk.  It is literally impossible for me to go into that environment with anger and expect to have any sort of satisfying experience where I might see animals, as they are repelled by aggression, so I have to check that at the door.  By the time I return to my little civilization, I've usually forgotten what I was angry about or it's in perspective.

I used to be the type that would throw things or scream and cry, but not now.  If I have some unheard thing I really need to express I just pretend he's on the other side of the table and go ahead and get it out.  Something about pushing air with your lungs and getting it out of your head and imagination helps.  Very little anger there anymore, but it was helpful early on.

Anger is normal but prolonged anger is not, especially if you don't have the MLCer in your face on a regular basis.  It can become a crutch or hold us back if we let it.  If I'm sitting around being mad about something Hoss did three years ago, that has more to do with me than him, as he is not in my face continuing to do it.  When those emotions come up it's usually a sign to me that I need to ask myself what I'm getting out of holding on to that - is it helping me procrastinate on making a decision, or doing something forward-moving in my life?  Am I just bored (this is the answer more often than not) and have nothing else to think about?  Is it because I miss him and this is my brain's way of trying to protect my heart from remembering the good things?
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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#16: March 08, 2014, 08:23:31 AM
Well I try to BREATHE through it.... if I can-but I've had read a lot about healing from narcissistic abuse and continue to do so- so it will take me a while.

I'm so happy I finally got this pegged! And everything I read said my anger is quite normal for what I have put myself through.

 So whenever I read about the verbal and emotional abuse and CONTROL on here I hit the ceiling. ::)

It's been a really long time since anybody has yelled at me or blamed me and it feels really good. :)
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#17: March 08, 2014, 01:14:38 PM
http://www.anger-management-techniques.org/why-we-get-angry.htm/

This a anger management website..when the ex said I needed to go to counseling due to MY anger issues  :o I realize it was some projection (I told some of my friends one almost spit out her coffee laughing).

 My biggest problem was he simply would not communicate with me. NOR LISTEN.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#18: March 10, 2014, 05:32:58 AM
Quote
Anger is normal but prolonged anger is not, especially if you don't have the MLCer in your face on a regular basis.  It can become a crutch or hold us back if we let it.  If I'm sitting around being mad about something Hoss did three years ago, that has more to do with me than him, as he is not in my face continuing to do it.  When those emotions come up it's usually a sign to me that I need to ask myself what I'm getting out of holding on to that - is it helping me procrastinate on making a decision, or doing something forward-moving in my life?  Am I just bored (this is the answer more often than not) and have nothing else to think about?  Is it because I miss him and this is my brain's way of trying to protect my heart from remembering the good

I agree with this Ready2 - prolonged anger is not normal and isn't healthy.  Sure its okay to get angry but we need to work through it and move forward.  Staying in the angry cycle and letting it shape our lives in all we do  should be evaluated.
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Re: Anger- how it can be used in a postive direction
#19: March 11, 2014, 05:35:02 PM
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

 

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