[in it]

I made the same observation here also kitten..no BALANCE and I can only speak for myself with this I had NONE EITHER..

I gave and gave and gave and got little to nothing in return  emotionally, physically or financially and Thank God I had some spiritual base or I would have believed every word he said.

[summer90]

My H before crisis - low maintenance accommodator and avoided conflict at any price - Now - totally the opposite - monster and wants EVERYTHING his way - absolute nightmare

[hobo1]

Low maintenance.

Total accommodater.

Didn't see it at the time.

Now I see it crystal clear. 


When they say still waters run deep- it's so true!

Totally like this.  Expected me to read minds

[Remo]

Mine is the worst kind.  She is very high maintenance BUT (and this is what makes her so tough) she thinks she is actually low maintenance.

High maintenance traits: expects me to mind read and "anticipate" her needs, unreasonable need to be in control of everything, when asks for help still expects you to do the task exactly the way she wants it done step by step or she gets upset, unreasonably high expectations for everythng in lifke and always moving on to the "next" thing i.e. we could be finishing up a great trip or outing and rather than bask in that experience and being happy she is thinking about the next trip, material item, or thing she wants.  Know-it-all who cant stand being wrong, never admits to being wrong and would sooner run 2 marathons back to back than apologize for something.  Had odd physical ailments like perpetual thirstyness (i know hilarious right?) and aches and pains.  She would get up off the couch to go to bed-walk right past the kitchen and say "could you bring me a glass of water".  Every time i would think.... You just walked right past the kitchen are your arms broken?  She expected me to manage her constant water need at all times and of course anticipate this.  LOL sorry i am laughing thinking about some of this stuff.  Super sensitive and unable to take any kind of criticism even if constructive, yet hyper critical of others and very judgmental to boot.


Alright enough....i am convincing myself i need to move on from her!  Actually everybody has their stuff.  My W is a lot to handle no doubt, but theres alos lots of good stuff.  Just journaling a little about the high maintenance stuff

And she his a high energy replayer

[CruiseControl]

My H is High Energy Replayer -  and was always high energy.  The thing was he always had to be doing something....I on the other had can sit and talk, watch movies, want to cuddle if I ever got the opportunity....but he didn't ever seem to want to do this.  I can't even remember if he was a cuddler when we were dating.

Absolute work-a-holic though apparently that was "to get a way from me" .  Always wanted to be doing something, DIY, bike riding, Hiking, Shopping for Clothes, or Furniture or Gadgets.....but somehow now that was me who wanted all those things!  Of course I would go along with it....and then I guess it gets to be a habit.  Apparently I didn't help him with his business even though he begged......yet he doesn't remember all the help I did give him for years when it was taking off.  All the weeks I was left alone with a baby.....I really bought our 16 year old daughter up on my own.

If I did something one way, it was wrong because is was not the way he would do it.....should I have kept trying? maybe but in the end I got fed up being made to feel like everything I did was either never acknowledged or done wrong

No pleasing him and no being able to win......so stopped playing.....then I'm a lazy, good for nothing freeloader who argued all the time and never admitted fault and always put him down........

[Kitten]

I got fed up being made to feel like everything I did was either never acknowledged or done wrong

No pleasing him and no being able to win......so stopped playing.....then I'm a lazy, good for nothing freeloader

Yeah that's my sitch too. I gave that man everything, all my energy went to pleasing him and making his life better. I too helped him SOOO much in his job. It was never good enough.

[Anjae]

I see mine pre crisis has normal, even if he was a little nervous and anxious. He would not shy from conflict but he did not loved it. Since crisis, veryv high replay and high maintenance.

[wondering]

Low maintenance only gets mad at his "toys" and anything that breaks in the house or that he is trying to put together.  If he would read the instructions maybe it wouldn't happen .

He was low maintenance before MLC and now after. 

[VoleInABox]

I gave and gave and gave and got little to nothing in return  emotionally, physically or financially and Thank God I had some spiritual base or I would have believed every word he said.

These are exactly my feelings too!
I also think I have been rubbish at setting boundaries - I kind of thought one day he would notice the amount of stuff I do and somehow appreciate me for it. I guess changing this MO is one of my challenges along the way!

He was a conflict avoider but very high maintenance emotionally. Everything was always about him, one way or another. He would also pick up on my mood very easily - e.g. if I was grumpy for some reason (even if it had nothing to do with us) he'd start being grumpy too so it was my responsibility to stay happy to keep him happy! 

He's a clinger and still high maintenance.

[Zendog]

Was low maintenance and accommodator for the most part. But all that accommodation dating back to childhood has spun into high maintenance, demanding, always right wants the fresh new and exciting. It was all there before BD, but suppressed. And when it came out, the Monster lives!